So I supposed this blog is much more exciting than blog 700, because... guess what? I'm going to SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC! W000t WOOOOt! I will be going for at least 7 weeks and it will be my last stage. When I return, I will be finished school and I will officially be a teacher!!! What what?!? I leave in February and I come back in April. I get to miss the end of dreary Winter and come back for the Spring. Oh wow, now that it is actually happening, I am beyond nervous. I hope everything goes okay. It's funny when we take a step closer towards something we've always wanted to do, we are sooo scared. At least I am. Wow wow wow~!
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700 This is my 700th post, I feel as though there should be some sort of celebration. What can I say? I'm now 25 and I've been blogging, although inconsistently, for about 7 years. I feel something coming on with the number 7. Well I have finished my third stage and I am going on to do my fourth in February. I applied to do it in the Dominican, but I did not get selected. So, to cheer myself up, and to plan my preemptive celebration for getting a second degree, I have decided to go on a trip this summer. Sarah and I have been planning a trip to Ireland for years now, and this is the summer we are finally going to make it happen. Hopefully we will see a little of the rest of Europe as well. I don't know how long we will go for or how far we will get but we are going. I graduate in April (supposing everything goes well with my final stage) and I will work my little butt off in May to save up for the trip. Then we will go sometime in June as stay for as long as we can depe...
I can't believe it's over. Today was my last day with the kids. It was crazy. I will miss them. They all went a little crazy today and I got many many hugs. One kid told me she would handcuff me to the class so I couldn't leave them. awww and another little girl cried which made me want to cry. Thank god I didn't. I got showered with cards and all cute things that kids do. Man oh man... I'm sure I'm in the right profession. I just have to develop a little more discipline. Where are my strict genes? :D A good day! I still want to teach them.
Two more weeks of stage and I'm about ready to crack. School, stage, work, friends, family, events... I'm having trouble balancing everything right now and I haven't slept properly for two nights now. I feel like a walking zombie. My brain isn't functioning as it should. I wanted to get work done today so I could be less stressed and sleep better but I can't focus well enough, I tried to take a nap and I can't sleep either. Stress is not a friend to me. I went through my whole day in some sort of haze. I just can't wait to be finished. My supervisor is coming next week so I am stressed out about that. oye. I have to teach a math lesson on pictograms. I should be able to do it I am just tired. I also have to start concluding and finishing all the projects I've been doing with my students. God I love them. My classroom management needs to be a lot better but I really do love those kids. My CT is making me just a crazy as her though and that isn't healt...
4 more weeks of stage! I can't believe that it's getting close to the end :) I am so anxious to finish, but I know I will miss those kids in the end! It's been a great learning experience (although certain aspects could have been alot better *cough* *cough*) and I hope that everyday I am becoming a better teacher.
I sent in my application form, CV, and letter of intent today to do my last stage in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic! Wow, wouldn't it be crazy if I got chosen to go? It would be a 7 week stage and I would stay in the hotel apartment across the street from the school. The school overlooks the Caribbean Sea!! Wow, I'm really excited about it the more thought I give to it. I'm happy I at least tried to apply. I have a chance, you know? man!! I'll have something to blog about for sure if I go there. :)
I think that I will be a good teacher. I definitely need more classroom practice though. I'm getting really attached to the kids and I think that it will be hard to leave in the end (even if I will be happy that stage will be over). It's been a stressful one, but I'm rising to the challenge. I've done a contract in one of the classes, and had the kids sign it all official like, one by one with a black pen. (about how we behave in class, cuz one day they were bad and I made them right how they should be acting in their journals, and then i took their responses and drew up the contract) It was pretty awesome. And now in my other class, I'm going to start weekly class meetings, with a rainstick for the person speaking and a secretary to take down the 'minutes' of the meeting :) haha I think it'll be awesome. I also put a question box up in the class where students can put question they have that may be a little off topic but that they would like to learn ...
This was a busy week! I had stage, work, hot yoga, hip hop aerobics, teacher conference type thingy with a motivational speaker, and the Kings of Leon concert. I'm at work right now and I almost feel asleep sitting in this chair. It was a good week though. Next week my supervisor is coming to evaluate my teaching. Eeks, I'm nervous! I hope things will go well or at least as well as can be expecting. I am having some issues with my cooperating teacher and I found out today that she had a student before who had to be given a different ct. Funny that McGill still placed me there, but hey, that's McGill for you. I'm going to speak someone from the office of student teaching on Friday. The thing is, I love the school where I am. I really do. I want to do my stage there. And although my CT is late pretty much everyday (45 min. late this morning for the teacher conference), and is quite unorganized, I don't want to leave the school. :( I'm getting to do a lot, whether ...
I just got back a little while ago from Yoga. It was a great class :) Fast-paced but good. I can finally put my feet flat in downward dog but not for too long. Still, it's an accomplishment. I have my first day of stage tomorrow. I'll be given the tour of the school, meet my cooperating teacher, and probably attend a staff meeting or two, all before the students come in. They start next Monday. I really really hope that I will like and get along with my CT because I think that pretty much makes or breaks your stage. I'm excited though. Grade 4 and 5, it should be a blast! I wonder what sorts of things I will teach them. I'm not sure if my CT teaches Eng Language Arts, Math, Science, Social Science, PE or is it PD, Art, Drama, Dance, Music... who knows, I'll find out tomorrow. :) I hope this will be a great experience.
I love looking at things from the perspective of a fresh start, a new beginning. It makes me excited and happy. I love having the opportunity to self-improve. That is always my intention. I sitting here writing this with hair a color I like, a tan I like, clothes I like, in a house I like, with the fan blowing on me, and for the first time in a while, I feel at home and I feel well. I have a lot of things to do and get organized but I know the environment will be calm and stable, unless something out of the ordinary occurs. And the calm and stable is really what I need right now. I start stage on Tuesday and I am looking forward to that as well. It will be a lot of work, but I want to learn and I want to improve. And I want to throw myself into it. I would also like to by a 1000 piece puzzle to start working on. My Aunt told me she is only into doing puzzles online but I think I can persuade her. I know she won't be able to help herself. hehe I just feel free. Free to see friends...
It's very rare that I ever feel like life isn't worth it. And even writing this, I know deep down it is not true. But to me life and love are the same. The point of life is all about love and whatever ensues from that. And right now I want to die. I'm not in love anymore, I'm just in pain. I don't really want to die or anything because I know eventually I will heal and things will get better and someone will come along and it will work. but right now I just don't want to feel any of this. I knew I would, but i still don't want to hurt like this. I'm going to take a bath and go to bed, and if i can't sleep, i'm going to try to get lost in a book. I work again tomorrow 8-5pm and I'm going to turn my phone off tonight because I can't be on this emotional rollercoaster anymore. I'm almost physically sick right now. So it's over. Over for real. No more fake break-ups or day long break-ups or hour long ones or anything, just over. I wil...
Now this is just fucked up... wow!! It makes me feel that perhaps I'm on the right track. I took that Myers-Briggs personality test and I'm INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceptive) and then I read about my results and this is what I found from this website: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP_car.html Copied word for word: Careers for INFP Personality Types -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career whi...
Who knows why we stay in shitty relationships for so long. I would argue that it is a bit of a mental sickness that gets inside of us. Even though we know it's bad and that things are not the way they are supposed to be, we stay. We hope that things will change, that things will get better. And we keep hoping. Hoping until we just reach our breaking point. And the last straw doesn't even have to be the biggest problem or issue or fight you've had, it's just the last straw. The camel's back breaks and that's it, we can't do it anymore. Until that point, we stay as long as we can, we try whatever we can, and we put up with a lot of things that under any other circumstance we would not take. From my experience, relationships just go that way. And you know when enough is enough. You just run out of energy, you run out of tears, and you lose your desire to try. You just give up because you have nothing left to give and you aren't getting anything in return bu...
I am having a wonderful summer so far! :) I'm happy. Things seem to be falling in to place. Now just to hear about my stage. I love my baby :) I have a feeling for some reason that my stage will be at Willingdon, but who knows. Actually, almost every other person in my program knows where they are being placed, I don't know what happened in my case but they told me they are waiting for confirmation or something and they will let me know by the week of August 17th.. my stage starts Aug. 24th... oooouff! I'm kinda sad I didn't get the David Dillon Project, quite sad actually. But I'll still make the most of my experience.
So far this summer is pretty fun. I went for a boat ride at the old port the other day. Besides that, I've been to the beach and yesterday we drove to tremblant. Carlos' family is renting a cottage there from July 19-26, I'm sooooo excited!! :D There's the lake, a beach, tremblant village, waterslides close by, and other stuff I'm sure we'll discover. Man, summer is really the best! Carlos smells like poo poo!
wow well i am really missing camp but Carlos' mom might be making it a whole lot better. She was talking to me tonight about renting a cottage for two weeks. Gawd, that'd be awesome! Sitting on the beach outside everyday, swimming, star-gazing. I feel like it would be soooo good for my soul. It would be good for my soul. Arbely would be there too. Maybe we could do some yoga outside or underneath the stars, wow wow wow. I do wish that I had money to throw in. I'm going to find out about summer school tomorrow I guess. In a way I want it to make some cash and in a way no because without it I could stay at the cottage for those two weeks and not have a care in the world. Oh god I miss that. I think that was one of the most amazing things about camp. For a whole summer you could just go and leave all ur worries behind. You'd be working, but that's barely work when you are on a lake everyday! Shit man, I can't explain it. That place was just great. It always felt li...
I went to see the proposal tonight with SARAH and her sister. It was pretty funny actually. I didn't really wanna see it from the beginning but I'm glad I did. Problem is I cried like off and on throughout the second half of the movie. Especially at the dress scene. It made me realize how badly I wanted that. To get married, to have someone to love and to love me, to be accepted into and loved by another family... And I thought I was close this time. I really put my hopes into it. I think even more than I realized. Until I saw the movie.... I cried and cried. and there was even a grandma and a mom in the movie that reminded me of my family and Carlos' mom I guess a bit and I just cried more and more. I wanted it man. I really did. And now I'm crying some more. But what can I say? We weren't making it work. I wasn't happy with the way things were. I wanted it to work, I really did. But I couldn't stay in a relationship like that. I can't. I almost went ...
Here's a Toast to New Beginnings This time I am going to stay single and I am going to enjoy myself. I'm not going to move in with a man, I'm not going to get tied down in anyway. And, most importantly I'm not gonna suffer for love any more. Love will be without strings and it may come and goes as it pleases. What was that line from Vicky Christina Barcelona? Love is most beautiful when it cannot be fulfilled. Something like that. I guess because then you do not get to the stage where you get disappointed and realize that you've tried so hard for nothing. You probably shouldn't have to try so hard for love. It should take work and compromise but I do not think it should be so hard or it should make you so miserable. To tell the truth, I love the opportunity to start over and for everything to be fresh again. I'm going to be almost like a full-time teacher for all of next year, so I definitely don't need this kind of stress or drama. It's done. And wh...
So today was my 5th time swimming since the beginning of summer. :D !!! Three out of those 5 times have been with Laurie and 3 have been with Carlos, once by myself but it was kinda sad and boring. I'm just chilling here with Noelle. My boyfriend was supposed to be back around 9:30-10:00 but low and behold, he's late! Il y a quoi de neuf? (or is it neuve... French is tricky tricky.. esp. slangy kinda French). Well well tomorrow morning I am babysitting, and other than that, prolly just house cleaning. Carlos' parents are coming in on Wednesday. Gotta get the house clean by then. So now that I've finished Diner Dash 2, I'm not sure what to do with my time alone here. I get bored. The weird thing is that as an only child, raised by her grandma and aunt... I never used to get bored. I was very good at amusing myself. Videogames, reading, writing, studying, making stuff... But ever since I started having roomates, I kinda of became dependent on having other people amus...
I had bizarre dreams last night. I can't remember them all anymore. But I was living in a room in Marcus' house at one point and then I got kicked out. Well I didn't really get kicked out but we were having differences and I couldn't stay there anymore... After that and talking to Sarah, I ran for the forest. I crossed a bridge where a snake slithered over me and just seemed really ominous. I hung around for a bit while I was too afraid to move. Next, I continued running and came to some like basball field type of thing within the forest. It was fenced like usual but the fencing went up really high. I kept running but for run reason I started to run along the perimeter of the fence. Next thing I hear people yelling and I see it. A big mother freaking bear!!! A beast of a bear. And it comes for me. And I think it hits me with a paw and I go flying. It comes back for me but somehow people get it restrained and I'm just lying there, really scared. ummm I don't reme...
I think that I will go today to apply to work at Le Melange Magic for the summer. I've always thought about it and I'm sure I would get to learn a lot. I should have worked there a long time ago. Plus the bus from my house would take me almost right there and then back home again. I hope they are looking for someone. If not, I'm not sure what I would like to do this summer at all. I would love to spend time outside, that's for sure. I wonder if I could be a gardener or something.
There Ain't No Coming Back I've bled my heart out I've tried to tell you But you wouldn't listen You repeatedly put a bandaid Over an ever growing hurt And now we stand divided Distant You pushed and you pushed Did what you wanted And now you lost it My heart found the latch And it stop hesitating You will want it back Once you realize it's gone It always happens like that But it won't come back It never comes back Not for me anyways One too many recoveries already And now it's flat-lining
I'm too young to feel this old I'm always confused. Thinking about the "what ifs" and that "could have beens". I don't know if everyone else feels the opportunity cost to the same degree. Maybe I just never know exactly what I want so I want to pursue everything in case I make a mistake or take a wrong path. I'm not sure if that is any way to live. I guess the solution is to get in better touch with myself and figure out what it is that I truly want. Sometimes I feel like I should go purely on my intuition and other times I see that it wasn't really my intuition but just how I felt or what I wanted in that particular moment in time. I'm so terrified of making a mistake. Especially a big one. The big one. On a side note, I downloaded Diner Dash 2 and I'm going crazy on it. My god it's an addictive game. I don't know why I love it so much. I can't believe they came out with a second one. I wouldn't have known at all if it wa...
I did HOT Yoga today (Moksha) and let me tell you, was it ever hot!!! HOly moly. I was actually dripping!!! Sweat just rolls off you, it's rediculous. Afterwards you feel amazing though, wow! I think it must be a great way to lose weight. We did an ab work out and a half too. Maybe I will shape up in time for the beach! I'm going to try to go to hot yoga at least once a week. It's also awesome that my bf's sis is the instructor!!
Bah, my nose feels soooo crusty! I hate being sick. I'm at work right now wondering if I should go and make some tea. Problem is that I still have that toothpaste taste in my mouth, and that does not mix well with tea. Blehh, not at all! I had soo many dreams last night, I can't even begin to remember them all. One of them though featured a bunch of us in a car with something chasing us, that would pretty much chase us forever. We went on this super highway and it was fast, really really fast. We went over these like power-up things like in mariokart and it felt like flying. That was the fun part of the dream but the rest was pretty suspenseful and scary. I had lots of other dreams too but I can't remember enough about them to talk about. I think that I may have had a fever and so that would explain all the crazy dreaming. My horoscope this morning told me to try to pay attention to my dreams and my wandering thoughts... I want to go on a trip. I would really like to go to...
I might just keep this up all summer. Screw finding a real job! I'm getting all these random jobs here and there. I babysat this morning and made a killing!! Granted it was at the ungodly hour of 5 30 am but still!!! And Sarah might be hooking me up again to be a reader at her school which is a pretty sweet deal as well! So far sooo good! I need a nap. It's 11 am and I've already been up for 6 hours!
So stage is over and it was great. I'm back at the Atwater club today as you can see. I'm going to take it a little bit easy for the next two weeks and then I am going to find a job with more hours. I'm not sure what I would like to do this summer. I'm thinking it might be a good idea to take a job that has nothing to do with kids. I'm going to be in stage ALL of next year so maybe it would be good to do something else for a bit. I'm considering working at Le Melange Magic. I know it would be a minimum wage job, but I think I would have the opportunity to do some spiritual growing and learning. If not that, well I'm not really sure what I would like to do. An opportunity usually presents itself though so we shall see. Today is Carlos' birthday and my little cousin's. We are going to have a party for them both at my Nana's this weekend. And another party for Carlos and our friends at our place Friday night. Today Carlos and I are going to attempt...
I'm almost through! thank-god. Just gotta keep on truckin for the last little bit. Get my papers done and then c'est tout! FOr the summer that is. I'm gonna enjoy this summer, that's for sure!! Sangria on a terasse, meeting with my book club, BBQ, country cottage (hopefully), reading non-academic books, chillin, tanning, swimming, you know the whole bit! WOOO HOOO, I cannot wait!!!
May I never fall victim to the patriarch. I am smart and I am able to handle things on my own. I do not have to look to anyone else to approve my actions or my opinions. (advice is okay) At this point in my life, no one should be telling me what to do. I shouldn't be letting other people make my decisions for me or get in the way of the goals I want to realize. I need to have more confidence in myself and my abilities and not listen to the stupid shit that people say to try and hold me down. I'm not going to settle. This scene will get better or I am out and somewhere else for good. By the way, stage is going really good so far. Kindergarten is the cutest!!
The house is clean and I love it.! Carlos did an amazing job! wow! :D Happy Mindy. I am soooo excited for stage on Monday!! I'm going to study what they are grading me on though... I can't believe we have a seminar class with assignments. I'm babysitting twice tomorrow with a little shopping and yoga in between. Man, I hope that I will be a good student teacher. It should be fun. The only thing I am really nervous about is lesson planning...
To Do List Wednesday: Atwater Club Visit Granny Irene ( Didn't do yet :( ) Grocery Shopping Babysit Lexi (5:00-6:30 pm) Thursday: Babysit Lexi (6:30-8:00 am) Seminar (5:30-8:30) Night out! Friday: Fix up house Willingdon (3:15-6:15) Saturday: Babysitting (10-12pm) Shopping Yoga Babysiting (7 pm till I dunno yet) Sunday: Pick out stage clothes Get assignments ready for Thursday RELAX Mon. April 27 - Fri. May 15 ---> STAGE! After stage: TAKE A VACATION MINDY!!!
I'm doing my stage in a KINDERGARTEN class! I'm soooo excited :D hehehe I start on Monday! I have a seminar tomorrow though from 5 30 pm till 8 30 pm. oye! And I took on all these extra shifts this week and a family I really like wants me to babysit on Saturday. I don't want to say no, but I was really looking to having the weekend off before starting stage. OH well, I will take a vacation after stage I guess.
Work was good today, got paid for almost 6 hours. Sweet cuz I need the cashola! I fixed up Carlos' sister's room today, it's almost good to go. I made up my old bed for her and it looks awesome. I miss my old bed to tell you the truth. I had quite the collection of sheets going for it, including oldies like the ninja turtles and my angel ones... Hope she likes it! I think it will be fun living with her. She's a yoga instructor so that is gonna be awesome. I'll have to find something I can exchange with her for yoga lessons. :D Happy Easter!
I like our new place very much. I am going to put a lot of effort into this place and keep it nice. If it requires being a bit of a nazi, I intend to be one. But hopefully we will all have the same goal. So far, so good. I went to IKEA for the first time today. It was nuts! I felt like I stepped into the Sims or something. I kinda liked it. I like home decor I must say. I can't wait to have a house one day and to fix it up all modern and nice-like. I feel happy in this moment. Work tomorrow,8:45-1:45ish Easter Egg hunt should be fun!!! HAPPY EASTER everyone or Passover or Ostarra ;)
I find sometimes you just know when a horoscope is dead on. Check out this one: Scorpio: 8 of Swords. Complacency with circumstances you don't truly accept. Don't give up your push to live according to what feels real and right. Don't surrender to a lesser arrangement you secretly know won't work for you in the long run. Don't become comfortable with resignation, submission, boredom or security. You're here to keep digging, plowing and transforming. Please continue :) One of the qualities I have that is the most pestering (and probably one of the best) is that I intuitively know things. I know when something is not right or needs to change or whatever. I just know. And from that knowledge (if you can call intuition knowledge) I have to move forward. I have to take what I know and put it into action. Because if I try to suppress it or just keep going, eventually it will catch up regardless. What I have to get better at doing is just accepting my intuitions fr...
I just feel like everything is a big fat blah right now. I'm angry at so many things that I can't even stop and think about everything wonderful that I have in my life. It's like this all consuming hatred. And beneath that hatred, it's all fear. Fear of losing myself, fear of losing everything I told myself I wouldn't, fear of losing my passion and my self-conviction, fear of losing my way, and most of all, fear of losing my Nana. Lately I feel like that little kid that always has the rain cloud over him, or maybe like Eeyore. And I don't like Eeyore! It's not normally my nature to be pessimistic or apathetic, but lately that is what I am all the time. I'm just so frustrated that I almost don't give a shit anymore. The other day I said the stupidest thing to myself to, I thought that I would rather be dead then go through another day. But that's a lie. That's a huge fucking lie and I can't believe that such a stupid thought passed by in ...
8 Days Left Yep yep 8 days left and we still haven't gotten a place for certain. Hopefully things will come through though and we will get this upper duplex on the same street as my Nana. That would be good. If not a place on westhill or any apartment around will do (well almost). I'm tired. The semester is winding down and all of the projects and portfolios are due. I'm a little sick so I think tonight I will just go to bed early and then try to get as much done tomorrow as possible. tired....
so much got lost: ''...Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes...'' elated a small chance sooo much potential happily ever after-after all? . pause, take a breath. hope rushes so easily to the surface It's a lie, it's a lie. Universality Every loss is beautiful All tragedy and emotion Displayed Joy and sorrow Lend themselves to more To feeling something We are nothing And continue to be so Unless we let ourselves feel Every single experience Should be craddled, Thought upon, and savoured Our emotions are all that matter Taste the hope and the despair Let it move you to become more Let your joy and your pain free Allow them to guide your actions Do not hold back Emotions are what speak to people What keep us all connected The means for one person to become All people I look back at older posts or older journals and I get scared. So much was different and yet, so much stays the same. You learn things, you make mistakes, but what if you are doomed to r...
Productivity I am actually getting work done today. This is good. Spring is coming along and that makes me happy. Carlos and I are giving it one last shot and I really hope that everything will work out. That would make me happy as well. I have sooooo many projects and assignments due within the next few weeks that I'm actually going a little mental. I should all work out tho. I have my fingers crossed and I'm trying to get everything planned. Freaking school.
I think i may be finished with blogging soon. Comments are kool and everything but when no one comments on the important things, then it doesn't really matter anyways. Then again, at least I have everything online from years and years, that is pretty kool. God my heart hurts over and over again. You have all these plans and hopes and ideas and then you get to see them all go to shit. I give way too many second chances. Everyone even tells me so. And what do i expect? Well I get it now. And i'm done, it just hurts. I have to leave as soon as possible because i can't do it anymore. I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic. I really feel like this and I'm really shedding tears. So many tears.
I I have spent a long time trying to think of what to write for this personal narrative. I considered writing about my mother, my spirituality, and a toy horse I had as a child named Buster, but none of these seemed to capture anything that was currently on my mind. Recently I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out just what kind of person I am trying to become. I believe that the consequences of a specific event from my childhood have really shaped and guided my values. The event I am referring to is my grandmother obtaining custody of me as a small child. I know this is a very personal topic, but it also has the most meaning for me. Being able to spend such a big part of my life with such a special person has had a huge impact on the type of person I am constantly striving to be. I seem to have come into this world under quite unfavourable circumstances. My mother was not well, my father did not want to believe that I was his, and on top of this, I was deli...
Hang Over Blues I went out last night to Club Tonic. I have been sooooo tired all day!!! But, it was worth it. I had a lot of fun! Andrew is back from the Philippines and he came out AND Adoni got back from Australia and he came out too! It was pretty awesome. Also Kelly and Raquel really made me laugh last nite. Especially Kelly with her goofy dance moves. Man i'm tired tho. Grocery shopping today was tough. I'm not supposed to drink with the medication I have to take but I barely go out like that and one time can't hurt too much. (although i have like zero energy today) I have all these projects to work on too but I just ate so I feel kinda better. I have to do this big interactive non-linear powerpoint presentation so we'll see how that goes. Carlos is gonna help me, thank god, but I just wanna play MarioKart and go to bed.
Maybe I don't know what exactly it is that I want in someone. Maybe that's why I picky on a bunch of stuff. Or maybe certain thigs I want are integrale to who I am and what I value. So let's break it down on paper (well... not paper but whatever this is) What do I really want in a man: (just thought of at random) -Love -Loyalty -Honesty -Motivation -Kindness -Equal responsibility -Compatibility -Open -Spiritual/Philosophical -A beautiful soul -Patience -Empathy -Practicality -Intelligence -Likes and wants kids -Values family -Funny -Encouraging -Attractive -Few vices What do I not want in a man: -Abusive (verbally, physically, sexually, or emotionally, this is a kind of a no duh value) -Controlling -Overly jealous -Lazy -No ambitions/goals/motivation -Mean -Selfish -Arrogant I don't think this is helping. I just want a good partnership. I think that I could have it. I don't know. I'm really confused. I don't want to change anybody and I don't want to gi...
Sometimes I am paralized by this fear of failure. What if I am not a good teacher? What if I cannot pass my stage? What if all the work and planning is too much for me? I know that I do not usually fail anything, but the fear is still always there. You can even put it in a more general context. What if I don't achieve my life's purpose? What if I am not a good person/mother/wife/friend? What if I end up unhappy or make someone else unhappy? What if I am not a good driver? What if one day I do something stupid and cause an accident? I know that thinking positive and not always worrying about stuff is the key to being able to live but sometimes I just have all these doubts and worries. And I hate them. I want to be self-confident and I want to be someone who really lives. Not someone who is constantly anxious. And I'm not. I always push myself and it is rare for me to give up on anything (or anyone). I see people who appear to be super confident and assertive all of the time ...
Kings Of Leon Closer Stranded in this spooky town, Stop lights are swayin And the phone lines are down Snow is crackling cold, She took my heart, I think she took my soul With the moon I run, Far from the carnage of the firey sun Drivin' by the strangle of vain Showin' no mercy I'll do it again Open up your eyes You keep on crying, baby I'll bleed you dry Skies are beneath me I see a storm bubbling up from the sea And it's coming closer 2x You sh-sh-shock my bones, Leavin' me stranded all in love on my own What do you think of me? Where am I now, baby where do I sleep? Feels so good when I'm home 2000 years of chasing takin' it's toll
I want to write more poetry. Life gets in the way The older we get, the more Responsibilities come our way I do it all, All the work and all the reading And after that is done There is no time Especially if you have facebook No time No time to swim No time to write No time to just sit here And look out the window But i am a creator I can make time. So I will Opportunity always costs
(I will do some quality blogging soon but for now I just want to record my tutoring experiences for the paper I will have to write.) 2nd Session: Today was really wicked. I worked with 3 different students and their math homework. (I also got pulled out early and got the chance to speak with Kelly, who is the social worker coordinating the program about my own experience and hers... really kool) So the first student did not really need my help at all. If anything, he is probably better at math than I am. The only thing he needed a little help with was his place holders when multiplying with decimals. It's been a while since I've done mathematics like that without my calculator. I need to brush up a little bit. The second student I worked with was another male and he had to figure out questions about perimeter and area (more on the area). He was pretty good as well, but he needed my help a little more than the other student. There were a few places he got stuck and I thi...
This is about the tutoring I did today (mainly for a report I will have to write soon) This afternoon I helped two kids, one boy and one girl, cycle 3. Starting with the girl (manisha) Manisha had to work on a sheet with word problems and two pages from her math textbook. I realized that I have learned a lot about teaching math from the Van de Walle textbook, even compared to last semester. While tutoring last semester I would want to encourage children when they did something right, saying things like good job and you're right. This semester instead of praising them for doing it "right", I asked why they were doing it that way and I found that often they actually had no idea. They just thought it was the right thing to do. In fact when working with Manisha, I found that she was focused on which mathematical operation she had to use rather than really trying to understand the problem. She would read the question out loud and then ask me if she was supposed to divide, or m...
I don't mean to sound so alarming. I'm just intense. I'm a scorpio afterall. In the moment I feel things and I write from that emotional place. Things are rarely as bad the next day, or even the next hour or two later. I'm learning things and so is he I think. We're going to be okay. I half regret that I've given the link of this website out to people because sometimes I just need to get things off my chest, but that doesn't mean I want to worry people, or hurt others in the process. Writing is just my best way of thinking and of putting my ideas into some sort of logical order. OR just dealing with something that I don't feel like I can deal with in the moment. I always feel better after I write. Thanks for your comments tho, and I just wanted to say everything is okay. I'm not perfect myself and I am very critical of other people. On my own end I think that I have to lighten up a bit and not be so uptight BUT i also am not about to compromise my va...
I am so surprised, and not in a good way either. You first meet someone and you get to know them and you think that they are wonderful. And then little by little you begin to see how wrong you were. You see how much you wanted to believe in someone, how much you wanted to believe that someone was good and then you have to watch them undo everything you believed in day by day, hurtful act after hurtful act. You stop to consider how much of it could be your fault, what negative qualities you might bring to the table. But you are also self-aware and you know your values. You know that, for the most part, it isn't you. You know that you were clear about things and you know what you want. It isn't this. You wonder how things could have started out so well and now how they got to this. "you're pathetic Melinda" Am I the pathetic one? I am not the one who promised someone such a different life and then gave her exactly what I knew that she did not want. I am not the one ...
Man, Fred Penner is really good! Kids go crazy for this cd and for The Cat Came Back song. I used to love the show when I was a kid. I feel bad for kids today, I don't think they have the same kind of things to watch. No Fred Penner, Mister Dress-up, Today's Special, The Elephant Show, Take Part, Lamb Chops, Under the Umbrella Tree, and Sesame Street (sesame park doesn't count!). Umm maybe that is a good thing, perhaps I watched too much television as a child. Those were quality shows though let me tell you. I'm not sure what I would like to write about today. Mostly that I love my baby and that I am really happy but how many times can I write that? I guess once more doesn't hurt. It was kinda rocky for a while but I think we worked it out. We both want the same things and I guess we've realized it. I know that I value family and love the most. I just also really value spirituality and I am afraid that I will not pursue it as far as I would like to. I have t...
I just wanted to write down that in this moment, I love school and I am incredibly excited that I am becoming a teacher. I am excited to make lesson plans and come up with all these activities that hopefully my class will love. I am excited to be given the opportunity to make learning fun and meaningful for a whole bunch of little people. It's a priviledge really. I want to work really hard at lesson planning, be creative, and come up with amazing things. (I also think that coming up with amazing lessons is the key to being a good teacher, having good classroom management and getting to enjoy your students) I am excited to do this for almost every subject except for math, I will have to work on that. But Science, oh man am I ever excited to teach that! I think it relates to the amazing science teachers I have at mcgill. It's really great. I've been inspired. (also for language arts, but that is already a clear passion for me) I just wanted to record this because I know that...
Breaking a promise is easy. Keeping a promise requires intention and effort or it would not be a promise. I could break all of my promises just as easily. But then my words would mean nothing. And I would sonner cut out my tongue than have my words come to mean nothing. If people do not speak the truth then they should not speak at all.