The Last Day of Summer

I had to attend a Zoom meeting for work. I had an old laptop and a newer Chromebook. I wanted to test the difference in performance between the two, so I logged into the meeting on both. (My old laptop performed better than the Chromebook, just in case you were curious.) When I logged into the meeting with both devices, I got a big surprise. I saw my face as everyone else sees it. That is to say, I saw my face not as a mirrored image. I saw what everyone else sees rather than what I see when I look in the mirror. I was shocked at how different I looked. I recognized myself, but not really. Everything I'm used to seeing was off.  This was a profound experience because it made me think about all the time I've ever spent primping and looking in a mirror and how what I see is never what anyone else sees. Try it for yourself.  Switch your camera to non mirrored, or log into a Zoom meeting on two devices.  What I see in the mirror is not the same as what everyone else sees. So ...

It's spring and I feel so much better about life and myself right now.  I seriously have to bring myself to someone to talk about S.A.D. because I think I have it.  It could also be that I'm almost over the concussions as well,  but the seasonal depression stuff was going on even before the concussions. When spring comes it feels like I come alive again, only I did not realize how dead I was.  The sudden juxtaposition of my feelings lets me know.  It's like someone lifts a grey veil that I hadn't realized I was wearing and that was affecting all aspects of my life,  and then boom, I remember who I am and what joy feels like. Not that I feel zero happiness all winter,  but it's numbed. I lose touch with my spiritual side, I become full of self doubt and my self esteem takes a dramatic nosedive. Then one day,  I'm back. Back to the real me, or at least the me I like. Just like that, I start having more to say, to get excited about life and new...