The Last Day of Summer

gawd, i'm listening to Elvis right now and some songs (like are you lonesome tonight) give me the shivers big time. I was watching canadian idol, taped from last nite, (yes yes... i'm a big loser who tapes canadian idol..) and the theme was elvis. Hearing all those songs brought back a lot of memories somehow and so now I am playing the cd. The chick on the show really really gave a stellar performance... i almost wanted to cry actually... really weird. She sang Can't help falling in love. She changed it around a lot and man.. it was just so like personal and honest... i can't explain it but it was like a naked performance and it was sooo good. I rewound it and played it over maybe 4 times. Watch her get kicked off tonight, i'll be pissed. Pissed but somehow not surprised. So something good is coming ( think). My friend gave me a prophecy this summer, one that I barely understood. I read it many times and didn't really know what it could be about. I may have an ...

You have to mourn your loses before you can move on, at least that is the way I think it works. So i mourn for what could have been and for what I thought was going to be. I am still looking forward to the future. I played mini-putt tonight and it was hella fun. I guess that was mostly because of the company because god knows I suck at mini-putt. That's what also makes it fun though; concentrating so hard and then watching the ball roll right by the hole. However, after the 6th time you see it go by, it gets kinda frustrating. I might be moving out. It would be come january, we'll see. I am just not sure how I am going to work it with the roomates because there are a lot of potential ones but I can't room with 5 people... I mean I could but that would prolly get real messy, real fast. I haven't written anything since the summer began. I do not think it is lack of inspiration but I just can't seem to sit down and write. That makes me sad :( My dream of being a bea...

I feel so detached from everything My granny might have cancer and all i feel is numb. She had this abnormality on her lung that she had to go and get CT scanned for and ya, she got the results this morning. She has a tumour on her lung that may or not be cancerous. She has to go and get all these tests. She came in and woke me up crying. I didn't even know what to do or say. I just kinda sat there. I feel like such a little shit... I should have cried with her or something... i dunno. This is the one person in the world who i love the most... you think I could show some kind of emotion. But here I am letting her run around the house trying to stay busy and I can't think of a thing to do or to say.

So school is starting next week, I'm both anxious and nervous, I hope it will be a good semester. This year I want to try working on getting back what was lost. In many senses but mostly in myself. It feels like I've changed as a person (everyone does) and not in a bad way but with that change, I lost something. Maybe it is just growing up, but we'll see. I find that a lot of happy/adventurous side is lacking so I want it back. Also, in relationships and other things I guess, I give up what I want and what I wanna do for the other person. That's gonna stop. Not completely cuz compromise is good but man, what I wanna do and what I want is just as important. yep yep. What I also plan to do is close a lot of these unfinished relationships that I have hanging around. i've already started with one. With another I'm trying to find out if there really was something there (which I'm hoping there is)... so we'll see about that. Most of you know who i'm talki...

So So Much to Write For the most part I had a beautiful summer. My first summer at camp (5 years ago) was one of the most amazing ones of my life and it ended 5 years later in much the same way. The land, the staff, the friends and the lovers all chilling will be something I will cherish for the rest of my life. It's incredible that something so unexpected can have such an impact on your life. I found one of the best friends I'll ever have at that camp and I discovered so much about myself that it will be hard for anything to compare. Destroying what feels like a second home to me and leaving it was so unbelieveably hard that I'm not sure I can put it into words. There is this certain spirit... this like youthful, magical air surrounding cjd and everyone who has come into contact with it has definitely grew and became a better person. The fact that it won't be there anymore for anyone else breaks my heart. God, I would have never thought I would become so attached to a...

I don't think I have ever been as nervous to any exam in my life as I was with my Beach Nationals exams. My throat and mouth were dry, I couldn't breathe properly and at first, i did awful. I thought I was going to fail. I had been training all summer and had made the time the day before in practice but when the real test was there, I missed the time by 12 seconds. I was freaking out, and I didn't think that I could do any better anymore. The instructor told me to do it again and I had to do the test over again like 6 minutes later. The test is, run 100 m, swim 100m and then tow someone back 100m all in under six minutes. Well, I tried again and everyone was really encouraging me, even swimming beside me for part of the way. And guess what? YEP! I made it, my time was 5:27!! I don't think I have ever been so relieved as I was after I found out I made the time. I actually cried like a big idiot... So ya, I'm a national beach lifeguard now or whatever you wanna call i...