Don't push the wrong buttons, not today...
Arrgg. I am so frustrated right now. For more reasons that one but just two seconds ago my msn was being such a pain in the ass. It keep closing the boxes of the people I was talking to and then shutting down msn... over and over and over again. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I really do not feel like dealing with other people's problems today. I have enough things going on at the moment and I am just feeling grumpy. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep with weekend or I screwed up my sleep schedule but I had a pretty good weenend until today. Something always has to ruin it.
* Oh man... if you people know the restraint I used tonight you'd all be proud. Actually no, you'd prolly think I was stupid like my aunt does. I made a valiant effort though.
Posts
Oh my gosh...
So last night was pretty fun. Even though Kevin had to go to some other club and leave Michelle , Laur and me to ourselves. hahah Laur left early and then michelle and I met two interesting guys. It all started with me having a heart attack because one of them was wearing a cape. I always wanted to meet a dude wearing a cape... and then he and his friend just appeared out of no where. fun times. Stuff like that doesn't normally happen... I normally always meet creepy guys. BUt these guys COULD still be creepy and I just don't know it yet. Ok ok I think I am joking
Jesse, I am really sorry, I didn't know you were waiting for me to come on. Last night Michelle slept at my house so yeah, I couldn't really go on the net plus it was hella late.
I had something else to talk about but I forget... oh well.
It's not fucking fair. She shouldn't be allowed to just call and turn my insides all upside down. The last time she called me a little bitch and today it was sweety in that same voice she used to use. She called really angry at first wanted to speak to my granny and get a number and I didn't think to just hang up. It was like I completely froze. I said after a few seconds that granny was not here and that I didn't have the number. So she told me to tell granny to give it to ronnie (lady living next door... my granny's friend) and I just said ok. I let her tell me what to do... I fucking let her. She doesn't have any right to tell me what to do. Then she changed to the happy voice and said "ok bye sweetie". She isn't allowed to call me sweety, not now, not ever after everything. Just like she can pretend she never did or said all the things she did to me.
It is funny that I was just so happy before and I let one call from my "mother" sh...
heheheheeh
Today my aunt mailed my McGill stuff by courier for me. I'm so glad I don't have to worry about applying anymore... now it is just worrying about being accepted or rejected. School went by sooo quick today, I guess it is usually like that when you only have one class and next tuesday my one class is cancelled so I have no school. WOO HOO!
I went to St. Monica's elementary and I was really not looking forward to going today but it was sooo fun. There were people there for black history month and other stuff, a band who played the drums and the guy who sang like bob marley and and anyone else, with another girl who danced. I was soooo fun. I wanted to dance... all the kids were dancing and waving there arms, it was really really cute. Plus, next week they are on spring break so I don't have to go to the school and I will have all friday afternoon off. Today is a happy day. yay Oh ya... AND I made smoothies!!!
Yes or No
Today while I was helping Jessica with her homework she made me play this "ask a question game". So you have an eraser broken in two and on one side you write yes, on the other no so you can either end up with a complete yes, no or if not then you get yo or nes. Yes meant yes, no meant no and nes and yo meant that the eraser wasn't sure. Ok let's all remember that the girl is only 8 and I don't play these games on my own... well actually I probably would but that is besides the point. So the eraser told me good stuff and bad stuff and if it was wrong I am kinda screwed but it is was right I am doomed. Hahahah so if it was right then I am not beautiful, two guys really like me (won't name names), I am getting accepted to McGill and I am not going to me happy in the career I will have later... so ya reverse the answers and that is what happens if Mr. Eraser was wrong. Which is better? Who knows? I want to be happy in my job later but I need to get ...
Not Happy
I had a test today that I was really stressed for and as soon as I was finished the exam and leaving the room, my energy just all discintigrated. There was nothing left and I became a walking zombie. I still feel like one but I have more homework (of course) that I need to get done. School feels like a never ending cycle for me at the moment, can't wait till it is over for the summer. God, I love the summer. I hope this one will be good. I'm supposed to be going back to camp but we will see... I just want to have a good time.
So as for my love life, I just want something amazing to happen. The problem is, I don't know how to make it happen. I guess a lot of people have that problem and when it comes to love it isn't just about you.
People gave me certain advice and opinions on a subject today and I didn't like the advice at all but they are prolly right and I'll just have to deal with it. Everything just slips away...
Right so after my sl...
This week's episode of my soap
Hey, so I'm back to where I started... being confused. Just when I think that things could possibly be ok, the past comes back in full force.
Jay spoke to me today and god... I don't now what I feel about him anymore. Besides that there is this everlasting unresolved issue with the dude in my program. I'm too paranoid to name that name. And last but very not least is this poor guy who I am dragging into my life's soap opera. I really try to tell people that I am bad news but today I feel like things are not my fault. When I try to move forward that past grips its bony but unralenting grasp around my wrists and won't let go. The real question here is if I want it to let go at all. I don't know. I want to resolve issues with both past people and then perhaps move on to the future or maybe at least pull part of the past along with me to the future. Sorry I am being so unspecific. I don't want anyone to get hurt and tha...
Riddle me This
How am I supposed to live everyday like I am going to die tomorrow? I've been thinking about this a lot and that motto can't make sense to me. I thought it was a good one but you know, if I was going to die tomorrow I would not do any kind of work... I would just hang out and party it up or something.
I would like to live life to the fullest which is possible but I can't live it everyday like I am going to die tomorrow.
So What?
The sip sac guy was there today and called Michelle or me a bitch. Sometimes I really hate being a girl. I hate being small/short. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate other people who can sense it. It is true what Jesse told me that everyone has a weakness and stuff but too many things have happened to me for me not to be scared or freaked out. I mean I'm not scared of every crazy person I see AND BELIEVE me I see a lot but sometimes I can't help it. I want to swear but I am not going to. For once I would like to know what it is about me that they like. IT can't just be my fear because sometimes people will come up to me when I'm not even paying attention. I'm still doing with the scent theory but maybe it is just a mixture of things.
Anywho, other than that episode. I had a pretty good night. I saw 21 grams which i'm still not sure if I liked or not and I got to meet Jesse. Michelle also bit me but I dunno if I should include that on what made thi...
Thank-you
I just wanted to thank Katie for what she did the other day. She read my blog and saw that I talked about how I liked to sit under the moon whenever i was feeling lonely or bad about something AND the next day she brought me incence called the moon. So the next time I feel like that I can try to burn it. How nice was that? Meant a lot that people cared.
Some nights it's not so bad, I know I can do it on my own. I know that I can BE on my own and be perfectly fine AND happy. It is what a choose and what I want. I don't need someone there for me because everything i need can be found within myself... and other nights (much like this one) I know it is one gigantic lie I am feeding to myself. I am not always fine on my own and I WANT someone there. But how can it be that I can feel both feelings and actually mean both at the times I am feeling them. Somedays I even prefer being alone, I really don't want anybody. But on nights like this it would be only too good to have someone to hold and to (puke on me for using this word but...) snuggle with. I know it is someone really rare that I need and that I have a habit of settling or taking no one at all. Welcome to my lifestory. I can't believe I am going to click the post button. This is really what I would save for my private journal but I was just here at the computer and it...
Men...
I was getting mad in history class today. The whole idea that marriage is the lesser of two evils because women need to be controlled and blah blah. MEN back in the day ( I shouldn't say all but many) were really fucking full of themselves and stupid. Ya Eve ate an apple so logically all women must be dealing with the devil. (sarcastic face) GRRRR! It is sooo dumb. Genesis and blah balh... AND What is more shocking is that WOMEN actually believed that shit. "Oh i need a man because he is good and will teach me to tame my wicked wicked ways cuz if not i'll just corrupt the whole world and have sex with everyone" OH PLEASE!
heh ok enough about that but for real that stuff really really Really pisses me off. And to think that I heard someone the other day saying that women do belong and home and that mean should be the only head of the family and the sole money maker (this was a woman speaking) Oh man!!! o k ok I am done for real.
Guess who is coming home t...
well then
So breaking up on Valentine's Day is quite the new experience for me. I guess it wasn't exactly what you would call a real relationship anyways but maybe it will be one day. No point to dwell on anything or be sad so we'll just see what happens.
I had a really nice dinner with my family tonight so at least that went well. I got some homework done today so all and all at least I was productive. Would have been nice to have a date for Valentine's Day though. I want to see 50 First Dates! . I bet I will end up seeing it with a chick. Not that friends are bad or anything but that just seems to be the trend for me. hahaha
Well i'm going to go and get some more hw done and then read more about Anita and Jean-Claude. I'm such an addict.
Happy Valentine's Day
Oh yeah, it isn't even Valentine's day today but it really feels like it. School was all decorated and when I went to the elementary school today it was a big party. Kids are so sweet. Two of them gave me cards and other gave me chocolate and candy. So sweet.
So on my way home I picked up my shirt from the dry cleaners (I've never done that before lol) and then i went to pharmaprix to buy a scrapebook. Guess what happened as I was leaving that store? THE ALARM WENT OFF ON ME AGAIN! Second time... I had to open my bag and it was just the book that Sarah lent me that made the things go off. Soooo embarassing. lol why me?
Tonight I am supposed to go to Carlos' party. I hope that'll be fun. I can't stay there for a super long time because I have so much school stuff to get started and done with. Arrg school is really stressing me out lately. Anyone else feeling that?
I'm going to showers and possibly take a nap or get start...
Was that You Doreen Brown?
I just wanted to post really fast before I am called to dinner.
I think that I was approaced by a pimp today. :O
heh some dude was like "hello there young lady" so I said hello and tried to keep walking on my way but he said "one second I would like to give you something" so he reached into his coat pocket and I was afraid he was going to shoot me or something but he took out a business card. R & R something with no info on it except on the back. It said : If you would like to work your whole life, that is your business. If you wouldn't, that is my business.
Hahahah so my current pimping wizard had best watch out because it seems that I am a hot product to be pimped. LOL I gave the card to my aunt and she threw it out... I would have like to call just to see what it was.
A Thought for everyone
Let's all take a moment to pause and think about how jealous we are of Katie. Katie happens to be in Florida at the moment. I got an e-mail from her this morning. She got there safe and everything so that is good. Now I can focus on how much I would like to be there also. Oh my gosh. It looked so nice and sunny out today but I know that it was just a trap to get me outside. Once I would have stepped outside of my nice little warm house I would have froze! Cruel weather.
Anywho I basically just wanted to have everyone else share my jealousy. :D
Man I need to go on a vacation to somewhere hot as well. One day...
Katie is going to tan for me in Florida and soon I'll be darker though, you'll all see!
hahahaha Alright then. I need to get some homework done and then maybe watch the grammies if I can stand them.
Sorry but I have to post another quiz... this one kinda freaked me out.
You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame, they burn with light and power and rebirth. Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an amazingly strong person. You survive, even flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear failure. You know that any mistake you make will teach you more about yourself and allow you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater being. Because of this, you rarely make the same mistake twice, and are not among the most forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion, and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality and know that life is tough and the world is cruel, and it takes strength and inde...
You are the blue moonlight. You are peaceful and serene, kind and loving. Your heart never stears you wrong. You let out uncertainess with tears, and you let out fear with light. The blue light means distance. You are afraid to get to close to people. You have been betrayed once before and can't do it again. Your dream job could consist of a counsler or a traveler. You love humanity and lonliness. You will have love in your life and will never pass by unnoticed. Your beauty attracts many, but your personality is rare. The uniqness in your mind will always separate you. You can always find yourself lingering near the ocean, thinking about life. Your head seema to be up in the clouds, though you body is down omn Earth. You change and each time come back a better person. The blue moonliht will always guide to safety in the darkest hour.
What shade of moonlight are you? (Boys or Girls) brought to you by Quizilla
So how much of this do you think is true?
I like these anime...
Kids are Unbelieveable!
So today was my first day volunteering at an elementary school. I didn't go to my class today because I am super sick but I made myself go to the elementary.
Kids are nuts! Let me tell you that they must be on some good good drugs. heheh they are too funny. I got to play games with them and help them with their valentine's day cards. Later on in the hallway when they were getting ready to leave all these kids were coming up to me and asking me questions. "How old are you, are you married, is your mom here, where do you go to school, where to you live"... etc. Then they all got to talking about who my mom was and concluded that Britney Spears was my mother. GOD help me! LOL i looked at them like they were totally mental which they are aand then they all started to say it. jeez louise... yeah she was 3 when i was born. "hey it is britney spear's daughter!!!"
ANywho... wow it would take so much energy to be a teacher. I'...
Scrath scratch
My throat is reallllllllllllllllllllllllllly bothering me. I have that scratchy feeling. How is someone supposed to scratch the inside of their throat? I want to tear it open!
I had thought about something that I wanted to post, funny how when I get around to doing it, I forget. I think my posts used to be much better back in the day, back when I first started and wasn't tainted by what everyone else's posts about.
I'm really getting aggravated with this throat thing.
OH I do have some good news. I think I got accepted to volunteer at my old elementary school. One of the teacher's actually phoned my house. She sounded super super nice and I go in to meet her and other people this friday. I'm really looking forward to this experience. I think it will help me to narrow down my university choices. How scary is it that after this semester I will be a university student? John (with the funky lobster gone wild hat) and I were talking about the ...
Just Right
So thanks to Laur I have the perfect layout or at least the perfect one for me. Valentine's Day is coming around the bend and Queen of the Damned was one of the best love story lines of any movie I've seen so far. Maybe it is just my thing for sexy male vampires... I dunno. I can definetely see Jean-Claude bearing resemblance to Lestat (how about you sarah?).
Hopefully this layout will bring me some luck in the romance department. hehehe here is hoping! If not... I wonder how it will be to be alone for Valentine's Day for the first time in I dunno how long. Man... Valentine's Day is a very good holiday. :D Nice colors, love, chocolate, sexy kinds of clothes... what more could anyone ask for in a holiday? ;)
So school is going alright... not sure about university applications though but I'll cross my fingers. I'm really leaning toward social work and then I saw a program that combined that and law.... hmmm sounds right up my alley... maybe....