The Last Day of Summer

I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I don't want to sleep alone tonight. I have my cat, but she can't hold me. uggh I dunno what's wrong with me. I wanna be strong and be fine on my own. Maybe I just miss always having someone sleeping beside me. My bed is soo empty now. Empty and lonely...

I have to do a really wicked assignment for my media class. Here it is so far : Lady Godiva It's only worth 10% but i'm having a good time doing it.

I used to be a lot happier on my own. I got accustomed to being with other people all the time and now I don't know how to be happy by myself anymore. I've started to read the Golden Compass and it's amazing so far.. but it feels like I'm waiting for someone to come and chill with me. I don't know what it is. Maybe I just miss hanging out with a big group of people all the time, like in high school. I don't know what's going on with me. I think i have to do more social things. I barely did anything with my time all weekend. I saw my family and that was great but besides that I spent a lot of my time waiting for someone who I'm not even sure was worth waiting for. Well I will be sure to go out and do something fun in the coming weekend. :) Right now I'm gonna go take a bubble bath and continue with my book. It's really well written, it's like I'm in the story already. I love books like that.

I was hoping for it to be good, for it to be special. Instead it was self-deprecating. It's always the way with things I put my heart into. With things I look forward to and am excited about. It always hurts in the end. Obviously it makes me not want to put my heart into anything, not to look forward to and get excited about things. What kind of life would that be tho? It seems sad and without hope. Maybe I just have to live more in the present. Not think about the future or what is to come, but make the present good, make it special. Make it all on my own.

Blog 2 (submitting for class) Lately I have been really taken with watching documentaries and reading various websites about conspiracy theories. Some of the things I hear about still seem pretty crazy to me, but some of the other things, not so much anymore. It's fascinating that there are so many topics that I have never given any thought to before. Whether they are true or not is not so much the point as there being a whole range of possibilities that I have never considered. I guess what sparked writing this blog is that I have begun to consider how stupid and easily manipulated people are, myself included, and whether this stupidity is being encouraged (or fanned like a flame) among us. I think that it is. There are so many things that governments (or secret societies...) cover-up, change, and deny that it makes it difficult to know what is really going on. We obviously cannot leave it up to the government to tell us the truth, so whatdo we do? It is a scary thought that we ar...

it comes to you, back to you, always to you away from me, a way for me, easier for me but it's not for you, it's for me to make myself happy