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I was hoping for it to be good, for it to be special. Instead it was self-deprecating.
It's always the way with things I put my heart into. With things I look forward to and am excited about. It always hurts in the end. Obviously it makes me not want to put my heart into anything, not to look forward to and get excited about things. What kind of life would that be tho? It seems sad and without hope. Maybe I just have to live more in the present. Not think about the future or what is to come, but make the present good, make it special. Make it all on my own.

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