I think that I want a weekend to myself. I want to be alone to read, to meditate, and to see if I still feel like a witch at heart. I think that I will always be, it's just that I let so much come in between me and my spiritual goals. It's a fault that I am not sure how to correct. I feel very connected to something most of the time. I think I am a lot more connected (or at least more aware) than most people, I just never devote my time like I should. Lately I have seriously been doing nothing. I mean I have been going to school and working. But in my spare time I could accomplish so much and yet I don't. I guess that will be the goal for this Christmas vacation. Retrace my roots. Get in touch with my soul. I am also going to learn to play guitar.
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So I'm just at work listening to Pooh & Friends favorite songs. hahaha right now it's hefalumps and wozzles. Anywho, the highlight of my day is that I do not have Willingdon later AND I'm going to go and see the movie Twilight. W0ot W0ot! It better not ruin the books for me. I started learning to play guitar last night. I'm real bad but I've never learned so I guess I can't really expect to be any better. Carlos is going to teach me some stuff and I will also learn myself. My fingers hurt today from last night. I was just playing the part from The Lion Sleeps Tonight. That's about all I can do so far. My fingers are gonna get callouses for sure... I guess that is the price you pay. I'm so down tho! You know what I want to learn eventually one day. Yep yep! How to play the harp. That's always been my master goal. :) Okay I need to change this music, I'm gonna go crazy. hahahah I wonder if I will have kids today. Considering that it is a ped ...
Wow, my neck is really sore. I can't turn it properly from side to side :( I moved/cleaned for about 6-7 hours yesterday. That was the last of it (besides a few bags that we have left to donate) and I never want to move again ever in my life. I still can't get over the fact that my boyfriend didn't even help. He actually sat on the couch and watched us carry everything. I mean cmon, who does that? We aren't talking now so who the fuck knows what's going on. I have an exam on Thursday and I just want to direct all my energy towards that. Plus this poster presentation I have... It just sucks because whenever things are not calm at home for me, I can't focus properly. It's weird though because I never used to be like that. I think I started excelling in school because it was easier for me to dive into that than to deal with the shit going on, but now I can't do it all all. I barely even slept last night. I couldn't, so I just got up in the middle of the...
I'm soo delusional. I want things to be okay, but I don't think that they really are. When a stranger is more willing to help you than the one that you love, there is obviously a problem. Fuck Nintendo wii, fuck getting high, and fuck broken promises and empty futures. If I would have known it was gonna be like this I would never have agreed. I even said it at the beginning and he fucking promised me. A promise is a promise is a promise.
Things are okay. I think that I just have to let this one go and try to have some faith. i don't feel very well this morning but more physically than emotionally. I made blueberry pancakes... maybe I didn't do such a good job ;( I think that when you move in with someone you just have to let things settle down a bit and get used to each other. It's hard to be with anyone all the time so I guess it's natural that arguments will happen sometimes. Eeks I hope I'm not going to throw up, i hate that. Umm today I will finally get the old place all cleaned up and ready to be signed over to someone else. I like our place here. It just needs some fixing up and it will be great.
Why would I think that this time would be any different than the rest? How many times am I going to go through the same situation? I always hope, I always see the potential. It's a beautiful shinning thing. But you cannot base your life on someone's potential. You have to base it on the their actions. And what do you do when you love someone so much that it hurts but their actions are way below their potential? You give them time, you give them chances. Over and over again. Hope falls like leaves on a tree until their are no hopes left. (Geisha movie, whatever it was called)
Fuck man, I hate men. Well not all men. But I hate men that talk to you while starring at your tits. Fack. It so makes me wish that I didn't even have boobs. Like c'mon. And I could tell this older dude just kept thinking of any stupid bullshit to say to keep me talking. But what I'm I supposed to say? Hey you! stop fucking starring at me. >? I dunno. In reality I was just like, alright well I have to go to the washroom. BUt it really pisses me off. Anyways... Last night was pretty retarded. I hate fighting/arguing/whatever with people that you love. It's never worth it in the end. But there must be a way to discuss things properly without pissing off either person. The new place is coming along. But we still have WAAAY too much stuff. it's kinda crammed in there. Hopefully we'll figure it out. It's kool having a dog and a cat though. It's also really wicked having a fireplace. I told myself I would spend this morning doing homework if I didn't...
Wow, I had a fantabulous birthday weekend! I loved it. Even the moving... Not so much the bookshelf that fell on me, but the rest was pretty good. Our new place is a giant mess, you can barely get from one side of the place to the other but very soon it will be lovely. A lot of things went down this weekend. Friday night dinner at Toyo's, soo good and a nice surprise! A super romantic night that followed the dinner. We had a fire going in the fireplace and it was really really amazing. One of the most romantic times of my life, probably the most romantic time actually. Then some Wii playing the next morning as well as some preliminary packing. Then birthday dinner at my Nana's. OMG the best cheesecake ever!!! holy crap! I'm gonna get the recipe and Carlos is gonna try to make it. I love being with friends and family. And Sunday, we spent alllll day packing and loading the truck. Unloading was surprisingly quick though. I think we are all pretty sore today. Something unexpe...
I just wanted to say that so far everything has been amazing and I am having a great birthday. I love my baby soooo much! I'm looking forward to the rest of the day, mostly the part that comes after work and school. And tomorrow night too! 24 huh? I'm not sure how I feel about this. Definitely getting older. On the one hand I'm eager to move on with life, evetually get married and have children, and on the other hand I'm kind of hesitant to let my childhood, adolescence, early 20s go. I don't really have a choice though so I might as well look forward to the future and be happy. I'll always be a kid at heart anyways. Thanks to everyone who made/makes me feel special on my birthday. It means a lot cuz i'm still a little punk who gets hella excited on her birthday. hahaha
This morning was kinda shitty. I feel blah. I don't like starting my day feeling like that. Tomorrow is my birthday. I hope that it will be a good one. I think it will. I'm in class right now and trying hard not to fall asleep. I always seem to fall asleep in this class. It's not even a boring class. Just something about the time. Plus the class isn't very interactive. I just stare at a powerpoint presentation. It's interesting stuff though geography and environmental problems. I had a paper due today actually. Three weeks left of the semester plus exams. There is always a countdown near the end. I was thinking this morning that I kind of feel burnt out. I haven't even started my official career but I feel tired. I was thinking of a solution because I don't want to be feeling like this when I start teaching. So what I think I am going to do is stop working at Willingdon, and take a break from working with kids. I think that I will miss it a lot and will be ...