The Last Day of Summer

Saturday -Hedley- Believe me It's easy To scream when your bleeding. You wonder what's under your bed when your sleeping. They take you. They make you Forget what you're needing. But hey, It's just another saturday. It's only just another saturday. I love you. I need you. Like a thousand times before . Wonder why I hate you. But I'll scream and ask for more. I'm standing, I'm knocking but you Won't open the door. If I feel than I need if I love, Then i'm free. Believe me, It's easy To read between the lines. When mommy says sorry, Over a thousand times. You're tied up you're cried up. You need a break from here But hey it's just another saturday. It's only just another saturday. I love you. I need you. Like a thousand times before. Wonder why I hate you. But I scream and ask for more. I'm standing, I'm knocking But you won't open the door. If I feel then I need If I love Then I'm... All I've wanted, All I...

It's never usually so long between my posts, forgive me. I just don't feel like writing anymore. I'm going away for the summer as of friday so I guess that solves that problem. Hopefully I can post sometimes from camp though, I'm sure i'll get the urge back. I'm going to go on my balcony and read. Pretend I'm the main character in my book instead of figuring out what to do with my own life situation. Love/lust/confused friendship is all too much for me at the moment.

So tomorrow I leave for Beach Nationals aka Lifeguard Bootcamp. Wish me luck. I don't wanna fail again... but if i do... I'll continue to train and i will take it until I pass. Not because I even want to have it that much but because I like to know that when I try and put my mind to something, I can do it, no matter what. So ya... bootcamp, here I come! *Someone go see the fireworks for me.

meh, i'll just say it, I like canadian idol. In comparison to american idol, it is like 100 times better. I like it because it's really diverse and they sing all kinds of stuff in all kinds of styles and it's awesome. I've actually grown to hate american idol. Anywho... i was watching it taped from last night and this one chick sang a song that gave me the shivers. She sang Colors of the Wind, wow... it was really good. i love that song. I used to try to sing it cuz it's sooo... i dunno it's really good. The judges said she didn't sing all that good but I think they are nuts... not that I have any musical training whatsoever... I can barely play jingle bells... but still, I liked it.

oh gawd. So the dudes are going around this morning washing the windows. I thought they were done cuz they did my aunt's window and mine already. I go plop myself on the couch in the living room to read with my little nightie and my dorky kiss me I'm Irish pants (which I love) and I get lost in the book. I look up and there's suddenly a dude in my window starring at me. He waves so like what the hell... I wave back. I didn't have my glasses on so I couldn't really see his face. Anyways so he is just watching me and cleaning the windows... it was weird.

I have to figure out my plans for this week. I'm leaving soon for camp so i gotta fit everything in. So much to do and so little time. At least I went to the dentist today and everything is fine so I can swim and I can go to La Ronde if I want to. I think i'm gonna do beach nationals if Lulu passes her pool nationals and so i'll be gone for this weekend but hopefully I can come back until i have to leave again around the 23rd or 24th. I am going to miss a lot of people this summer and the city. I know i complain always about the city, but there is some part of it that I do like and that I will miss for a while. I gotta make it back at least once, and hopefully twice, to see the fireworks from the bridge. :)

In a Direction Lately I am feeling happy with my life. Maybe happy isn't exactly the right word but I feel like I know what I want more and more. I know where I am trying to head with my career, I know my thoughts about love and guys at the moment and even about kids. It isn't really like I have a plan, I just know what is important to me and what I would like to focus on. Love is still a priority for me but I think that I've come to accept that maybe it does not happen to everyone, at least not in a bf/gf relationship marriage sort of way. And that's ok. You focus on the things you can control, such as your education and your career, and you just let what you cannot control (such as love) come to you if it chooses. I mean you make the effort to encourage it, you aren't just passive about it but like you cannot control who loves you and who you love really so you gotta just let it happen. How long has it taken me to accept that.... years and years. Anyways, i jus...

For some reason I've always wanted them to name a hurricane after me. Hurricane Melinda or even Hurricane Mindy, either would do it. But it never comes... i think they even had a hurricane Matilda once or something. Argg! Anyways, today was the first day I tried to venture out after my little surgey. BAD IDEA! I felt like I was gonna pass out in the store or something. There were so many people, it was really hot and I had hardly eaten anything. It's all good now though becuase I am home. Maybe i am gonna have pizza for supper. I wonder if I'll be able to chew it. That would really suck if I couldn't. I think i'd cry.

my face hurts, my face hurts, my face hurts! So much for being brave and trying not to take any pain killers already on the second day. merde. ! Well i'm gonna do that and read. i'm supposed to rinse my mouth with water and salt but yesterday when i got water to my right side by accident, i thought i was gonna die! *pfft!*

What do I need? What do I want? I had a thought today while I was taking a bath or getting dried off or somewhere in that span of time. Everybody is different, right? Different things please different people and different people have different goals. I tried to picture myself as a housewife. Cooking, cleaning, raising kids, gardening maybe... having that be my life. I'm not sure I could do it. There are other people who I could see being completely content doing that but I'm not sure about myself. I mean I have complete respect for people who are housewives (good ones) and I think I would really like gardening and of course kids but something would be missing. I really want to travel, that is like one of my biggest dreams. I'm trying to think of a way to put everything I want together. So i want to travel, especially to about 7 places and then as many others as I can fit. The seven are: Greece, Bali, Cali, Hawaii, Jamaica, Ireland and Egypt. I want to be doing something ...

I just spent about an hour (give or take) playing the keyboard. It's so funny what a big effort I have to make to learn it. It's kind of like I read in the book why children fail , a good way to understand what children are going through when they are trying to read and write, is to learn to play an instrument or learn more difficult stuff if you already do play an instrument. You can understand the frustration and stuff when you are trying to read music and having to go over it again and again... then (again), maybe that is just me. I can finally play Jingle Bells amost 100% successfully with both hands at the same time. heh, ya that's right. For me this is a big accomplishment. It is hard for me to tell my right hand to do something and then tell my left hand to do something different all at the same time. Anywho, my hands feel all funny now. I should practice playing WAY more often, maybe I could actually become good (after many years that is). I also have to get my guit...

I love summer sooo much. I was just thinking about what I'm going to do when I get back from camp. Summer will be almost over, I dunno if I can take it. I absolutely hate winter. Funny that I live in Canada. I wish I had a way to move with my family, and some friends (if they were willing of course), to some place more warm. It's rediculous how much more I am happy during this season than the other. *sigh* Maybe one day...

I miss having someone to sleep beside. And by miss I mean really miss. I should have just stayed at the party tonight :(

So I have some good news. At least better news than I expected to have. I only have 3 wisdom teeth, not four. W0ot Wo0t! The ones on the bottom are worse and I only have one on the bottom and it's completely normal. That's rare for me for things to be normal. I guess this is my mouth's way of making up for that surgery I had to get for the tooth on the roof of my mouth. So next wednesday it is and i get Intravenous drugs. He said I will be quite out of it. In a way I am looking forward to seeing what that will be like. He said that it won't even hurt while it is getting done, only a little afterwards as long as I take the painkillers he prescribes. Nice! so I'm happy about all this although I'm still not quite looking forward to the appointment, go figure. The doctor said "you're more advanced than the rest of us." Too bad I am not advanced enough to have no wisdom teeth at all but hey, I won't complain. :)