The Last Day of Summer

Time Catches us All I just got home from seeing Finding Neverland. I thought it was a really good movie and yes of course, I cried. The actually concept of neverland is amazing... a place where you never grow up. Lately i've been thinking of why we have to make all kids grow up and if we ever really have to at all. I mean of course we have to learn and become education but do we ever really have to let go of alll the magick we felt as kids? Maybe that is why christmas is so important to me. Christmas is one of the times where I felt the most magick. And it wasn't just excitement because I knew that presents were coming. It was the whole believe in Santa and in love and everything. I remember as a little girl I used to sit by the kitchen door and stare up into the sky to look for Santa and his sled. Sometimes my aunt or great grandmother would sit with me. And sometimes I would just sit there for like an hour alone before going to bed and leaving milk and cookies for san...

wow I just had a yelling/crying/screaming fight like I haven't had in i dunno how long. This jerk at work pissed me off and then I get home and my granny goes off on me. I fucking dropped my jacket and she started to say i have no respect for anything and I just throw my shit on the floor and blah blah. I fucking dropped it. So i yelled I DROPPED it OK@?!? and went off down the hall almost crying. So then i calm down I come back and i asked my granny if she was mad cuz my mother called. and so said NO I"M MAD BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST LIKE HER, I CAN"T SAY ONE WORD TO YOU WITHOUT YOU FLYING OFF THE HANDLEBARS. SO i like i"M JUST DROPPED IT! and i went down the hall crying like a big idiot. That's a good way to hurt me tho, say i'm like my mother!. anyway she came in and apologized and with both cried and hugged and blah blah. She explained that my mother had called and was nice and then all of a sudden went off on her. MY mother fucks everyone up... myself inc...

Last night I had a weird/funny dream. I dreamed that I was watching a talk show and the guests on the talk show were all the gods and some heroes from my greek mythology class. Apollo was there and Zeus and it was really odd. I can't remember the main issues but there was something about flooding somewhere and I think half the gods were pissed at the other half. Then I had another dream where I had left pharmaprix to go back to work at St. Huberts and this dream was a nightmare. I was screwing everything up and I had no idea what I was doing. I had to do like 100 things at the same time and I wasn't just the take out cashier or a waitress but I was everything. The woman supervising me was hella pissed at me too. Anywho... lately I've been having mostly bad dreams. Today I went back to Dawson to pick up my diploma... I skipped my first class this morning and went back to bed after eating a chocolate chip eggo. Don't know why i didn't plan it out last night instead o...

One of the girls I work with now is from South Africa. Isn't that awesome? Man I am really desperate to travel. Anways, she has a really kool accent that I haven't heard before. It took me a while to really hear it but wow, it's awesome. It's kind of British like but not, I can't really explain it. I'll get her to talk to me more and then try again. :)

Merry Christmas Ok so Christmas really means something to me , ok? I love Christmas. Right now it is making me nothing but sad though and it is still more than a month away. My aunt told me that she was going to put up my lights soon. I absolutely love the Christmas lights that go in my window. I was really excited for her to put them up. Today she tells me that she isn't going to put the lights up in my window this year because she got this little star/snowflake decoration that is so much easier to just put up. When I heard that it was like my christmas was already ruined. Like why would someone want to take the little joy i get from them away? I realized I was being way over dramatic but I really love those lights. So I said that I didn't want the star in my window and that I was really looking forward to having the lights and she said that she wasn't putting them up. So i said fine, I'll put them up myself. That's what I did today, put the christmas lights ...

My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World Album : Bleed American Submitted by : Emanuela Corrected by : Nicolle =] I see it around me I see it in everything I could be so much more than this I said my goodbyes This is my sundown I'm gonna be so much more than this With one hand high You'll show them your progress You'll take your time But no one cares No one cares x2 I need you to show me the way from crazy I wanna be so much more than this With one hand high You'll show them your progress You'll take your time But no one cares No one cares With one hand high You'll show them your progress You'll take your time But no one cares No one cares No one cares (I could be so much more than this) No one cares (I wanna be so much more than this) Good good bye, lovely time Good good bye, tinsel shine Good good bye, I'll be fine Good good bye, good good night

Trying to figure myself out. Ok... I've been thinking of how to start this post and there are so many ways. It's just something I want to talk about. I want to reveal part of myself that no one ever sees but if I do it I don't want people to be like "I think Melinda's depressed" "Melinda, why are you so sad, you have blah blah blah and blah blah blah" or anything like that. It's just how I am, at least how I am tonight. i'm not always like this and I don't want people thinking that I am crazy. It's not really anything, just part of me I guess. So my eyes are all red and puffy because I was crying. I watched Joan of Arcadia and so I cried. The thing is... at first I am crying because of the show (although tonight it wasn't even that sad) and then after I am just crying because I want to cry. It's like it is in me. I feel an emotion in the show and I cry but sooner or later it has nothing left to do with the show. I am ju...

I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow Album : The Very Best of, The Very Best Of - UK Release Submitted by : Laurie Corrected by : xfhjgf Come to me now And lay your hands over me Even if it's a lie Say it will be alright And I shall believe I'm broken in two And I know you're on to me That I only come home When I'm so all alone But I do believe That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me Please say honestly you won't give up on me And I shall believe And I shall believe Open the door And show me your face tonight I know it's true No one heals me like you And you hold the key Never again would I turn away from you I'm so heavy tonight But your love is alright And I do believe That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me...

Chemically imbalanced>?? Who me? It is rediculous how my moods fluctuate from one day to the next. Today I am almost deliriously happy. Why is this? Not really for any reason. I am grateful that classes will be done in three weeks (including this one) and that my test in greek mythology today went very well (at least I hope it did). The joyful Christmas spirit is starting to come to me also so yay. My aunt put up the lights on the balcony this weekend and I think by next week, I will get the lights in my room. There are so romantic. I know that is an odd way to describe xmas lights but hey... they have all these different functions like steady burn, slo glo, or as chase. They are freaking awesome!!! My only worry is that I am going to be spending this christmas alone. I'm not talking about family or friends (not to sound ungrateful for those because I am grateful) but I mean someone to share my happiness with and save me from experiencing what I did last Christmas. Christmas/...

Hurricane [Insert Name Here] Like a tropical storm You pour down Brilliant, powerful and dangerous In your presence I lose myself My hands turn blue From trying to resist, to cling To anything stable Anything that won't make me feel As if I am falling A lamppost, a telephone pole Pulled away, drawn to you Taken over and taken in Completely soaked in your torrent Losing my grip finger by finger There is only you My senses are flooded I am blown away My resistance dissolved entirely And all you had to do Was whisper my name (should I add "... but you didn't"?)

Happy to cry... Joan of Arcadia made me cry ... again... It was such an amazing episode. There were so many little things to catch and I prolly missed some. But the whole part how Judith made the guy memorize Hamlet for her (tragedy where leading female dies) and just as he is finished it, she herself dies. And how Joan can always keep a part of Judith with her and just so many things. That show is soo good to me because it is really moving and it makes you think (as well as cry if you are like me). I am happy to cry because I can actually feel something. Experiencing something through a television. Before I was thinking about what it would be like to be someone else with a different kind of life. It just feels like I am not feeling enough right now. I know I am actually experiencing a lot and to use the simile katie did, it is "just like the earth is always moving but we never feel it". But I want to feel it. It's like something is missing. Lately I feel as if I have...

So c'mon, I dare you to ask me how my first day being 20 went? Only I could have a story like this one to tell... So I go to school... I'm in greek myth... what I think is my back starts to hurt. I get on the bus after class... my whole lower stomach hurts also, I think that I might be sick. I get home, take of my jacket, lie on my bed and writhe in pain. I get up to the living room... tell my granny and aunt that I think I might actually be dying. They laugh, I laugh and I continue to not be able to find one comfortable position. Pain gets worse... I'm grabbing on to the couch cushions as if that will help me. I'm like moving frantically under the pain. My granny and aunt ask what's wrong. I can barely talk anymore or breathe. I wonder if I am actually dying. The pain comes worse still and they ask if they should call an ambulance. I try to say no and almost cry out with pain. Tears start streaming down my face and I'm crying. Emotional pain ok.. i cry. Movie...

Awww, look at this layout. Isn't Laurie sweet?

Well well if this is a true horoscope, I would just like to say... Bring it on! Here is your horoscope for Friday, November 5: A certain someone who's just confident and sexy enough to actually keep you interested -- is making sounds that suggest the feeling is mutual. Make sounds back. Why not? we'll see about that. I just got back from work. It's been such a long day: class from 8:30 till 4 :30 and then work from 6-11. Wow. Now I have to go watch the OC and Joan of Arcadia YAY! Just to state: The Green Day concert last nite was fucking amazing!!!

A guy hissed at me in the metro today after I got off and he was walking to get on. Just thought that I would share that.

"some of my biggest fears. lonliness. the simple spelling of that word makes my stomach turn. the taste of darkness at 12 in the afternoon. when the earth is cold. when all things are hard and jagged to the touch. and no one calls your name. desolation. i would run from it like a demon from truth. i hate lonliness. it scares me with undeniable passion. i fear it more than death. and in turn it has owned my existance. it controls my thoughts and my actions undeniably. it dictates my decisions and my desires. i would do anything to avoid lonliness. now you know my weakness. now you know the secret entrance to the opaque fortress of my heart. so sneak in. aim to kill. i'll fight you to the death. never let go of what keeps you safe. never let go of the hand that dry's your tears." Jacob from the band Hedley wrote that. I just figured I'd share because he writes some amazing things. If you wanna read them go tohttp://www.hedleyband.com/

You Are Stellar The show Incubus put on last night was amazing. For a few pictures, go see Laur's site. http://www.spinklefendor.net We both dressed up and so did that band, it was really kool. Anyways I was really hoping that they would play Stellar and they did, right in the middle of everything. I went nuts. :D They didn't play the warmth and I miss you but I was satisfied with Stellar. They also played some kool songs I had never heard before so I'm gonna go on a mission to download them soon. I'm hoping I'll enjoy the concert on thursday as much. Should be fun also. Ooo I got an Incubus t-shirt also, I forgot to take a pic tho, i was wearing it early. I'm sure I'll wear it again soon tho so next time. I think i'll get a shirt at the green day one on thursday also. hehe yay!