The Last Day of Summer

This "morning" I awoke at 2 pm. I've done nothing today but start the 12th book in the anita blake, vampire hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton. It feels positively wonderful. :D

If I had to sing you a song right now, any song I chose, it would be this one: Passive ( A Perfect Circle) Dead as dead can be, my doctor tells me But I just can�t believe him, ever the optimistic one I�m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy Wake up and face me , don�t play dead 'cause maybe Someday I will walk away and say, You disappoint me, Maybe you�re better off this way Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been It's your right and your ability To become� my perfect enemy� Wake up and face me, don�t play dead 'cause maybe Someday I�ll walk away and say, You disappoint me, Maybe you�re better off this way Maybe you�re better off this way Maybe you�re better off this way Maybe you�re better off this way You�re better of this� you�re better off this� Maybe you�re better off! Wake up and face me, don�t play dead, 'cause maybe Someday I�ll walk away and say, You fucking disappoint me! Maybe you...

On the Cusp I'm stuck and I can feel it. I've got to move forward, I've got to find what will make me happy. I thought it was something from the past, but that isn't making me happy, only heightening the sense of longing. Longing that is never fulfilled. I feel that there is something really good coming my way, it's so close I can almost touch it. It may have to do with my excitement at school being finished tomorrow, but I think this time it is more than that. I'm ready.

The wisest of men and of women are aware of just how unwise they really are and that is something I forgot. Lesson learned. Last night I saw the interpreter. I liked it a lot. It's nice when movies make you want to do something with your life. I love being inspired. I remember when I saw the movie White Orleander and it had me confirming my career choice. When a movie can impact you so strongly, it's got to be good... at least to you . So it's always been a dream of mine to work for the United Nations. I'm all about peace so I think it is time to seriously look into it. It's always been something I wanted to do but I've never actively checked up on it and I think I will start. I know social workers are definitely employed by the united nations. I know a lot of people would say that the united nations is useless but just the fact that the idea exists of a body created to bring people (hence the "united nations") together and achieve peace is a start, r...

The Title of this post would be OY Vey if I knew how to spell it properly Did I ever mention before how much I HATE passover? Well no i didn't, because I never used to hate passover, UNTIL NOW! Oh my god! If i have to do one more $500 order and how some snobby jewish woman yell and bitch at me, I'm gonna LOSE IT! (nothing against jewish people... just they are the ones buying everything for passover right now and making me go nutty). ARg, today I did a 10 hour shift. 10 hours is 9 hours too long. Merde! THe first hour was the worst there... I thought two customers were actually gonna go at it and sock each other in the face. Can't say I wouldn't have enjoyed it.... especially if the second guy would have socked the first... Ok ok no, i'm a pacifist... we all know that. heh work is just mental. But passover will all be over soon. God, I must know how store people feel about christmas now, it must suck like nothing else. Oh yes and I'll have to agree with Katie a...

Wednesday bloody Wednesday, So wednesday sucks, nothing good happens then. You have your exams then, it's raining and you find out that you aren't going to egypt, jordan or germany. Poop! But it's ok because after wednesday comes thursday and that is one of my favorite days of the week. Me and my friend Vanessa were always thursday people. One day I will go on a plane tho, I swear it. I'm gonna tour the world and see everything. Maybe it just wasn't my time yet, who knows. Jess will still be my travel buddy and things will be good. I should go and start to study for my test next week cuz I have to work all day tomorrow and then friday. *sigh* I have a headache.... damn those wednesdays.

Last night I caught a hint of summer in the air, I cannot think of much that has the same effect on me. It's like a feeling of reminesence and a feeling where I am closer to being one with nature (if that makes sense to anyone). It is kind of like finding your rhythm after it being not quite right for so long. I can't wait to take walks at night when it's still warm from the sun earlier in the day and to stay up outside looking at the stars. Man, I've missed summer so much, as I always do. There is more energy flowing in the summer time I find... although maybe winter is like that for some people. That would definitely not be something I could understand but who knows... we are all a little different (or A LOT differentin this case). I can't wait to find someone who I can share my summer nights with, I don't think I've ever had anyone who appreciated summer like I do. It's strange, most of the guys that I have dated have really liked winter, I can't ...

Here I am, I'm done with the worst two exams and timing schedule that I've had and I do not even feel that good. I did earlier today but now it's gone. I feel kind of empty tonight but it will pass, like always. Or maybe it won't.. Blah, I don't feel like posting any other downer kinda post. They're all that are coming out of me lately and I'm sorry. Hopefully when all exams are over... I found a letter two nights ago from a boy who I think really used to love me. I want it back but I don't know if that is possible anymore. That's what hurts the most to consider.

OK two things I've been thinking about lately: 1. Should I have gone to med school and became a doctor? 2. What happened to my self-confidence? The first one is sort of always there... I'm not sure how much of it is me though and how much of it is expections (or proving people wrong) that I want to live up to. My horoscope even told me that other day that I'd make a good doctor; it's like the idea is everywhere. I know I'm terrible with blood and guts but maybe you get used to that.. or if you are a gp, you don't really deal with the blood and guts. SO I don't know. It feels like something I just want to do... go to med school. Not so much be a doctor but just go through med school... pretty weird. The next question is really bothering me. I was always a little shy but I always knew that I was good and that I was worth a lot. Lately, I'm questioning that... I do not know the reasons why but I feel insecure a lot of the time now. Insecure and nervous.....

Maternal instinct, me? I was at the guy favreau complex the other day, waiting to get a passport (2 hours...) and I saw the cutest baby that I have ever seen in my whole life. It was ... well it couldn't have even been two months old. It was soo tiny and when it cried, it didn't even sound like a cry. It was such an adorable sound. Even though its eyes were all crusty and stuff... this thing was CUTE. Something like clicked inside of me and all i wanted to do was hold the little thing. I've never felt such an urge to hold any baby before in my life but this one was soo small and so... i don't know what. If I could have I would have taken her home with me. Although I am still not in any hurry to or even sure if I want to go through the whole birth process... I can see how it must be worth it. SOOOOOOOOO CCCCUUUUTTTTTEEEEE!!!!

Kill by Jimmy Eat World Well you're just across the street, Looks a mile to my feet, I wanna go to you. Funny how I'm nervous still, I've always been the easy kill I guess I always will Could it be that everything goes round by chance (Chance) Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be) You kill me you always know the perfect thing to say, hey hey, hey hey I know what I should do but I just can't walk away I can picture your face well from the bar in my hotel I wish I'd go to you I pick up put down the phone Like your fave heatmiser song goes: It's just like being alone Oh god please don't tell me this has been in vain (Vain) I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means) You kill me you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes hey hey, hey hey I know what I should do but i just can't turn away So go on love Leave while there's still hope for escape Gotta take what you can these days There's so much ahea...

Accomplished Although I am majorly stressed out now with school and finals coming up. I feel like I am getting a lot done. Take today for example: I registered for next year, went to one class (had to skip the other cuz i forgot to register but that's besides the point), walked home from school (more than an hour walk) with Sarah, did part of my big paper due next wednesday and I had some time to talk to friends. So all and all, I'm not doing so bad. I just gotta keep focusing on the fact that I will get through this and then I will have a lot of time to relax (at least that's what I am aiming for). I did lots of stats over the past few days and although I have a ton more to do, I'm understanding mostly everything. Good sign. My mood almost directly fluctuates with the weather sometimes... that probably isn't a good thing. I wonder if I moved to some place like California, if I would be happy more of the time. THat would be an interesting theory to test out......

So night I met up with Sarah and Jen and had dinner, then went to watch Sin City. It kind of upset my stomach and I'm not sure if I got how everything was connected (or if it was at all) but ya, it was interesting none the less. After that we went to a bar to see Diego's band playing. It was really good and I enjoyed myself. ALTHOUGH diego didn't have that much time to sit and chill with me... i guess i'll forgive him tho since he had lots of friends there and was playing after all. I haven't heard from Jay yet so we'll see about that one. what else? Oh ya, yesterday I bought 4 new cds. Two by Sarah Slean, one by Jimmy Eat World (i'm crazy for them lately) and another for my granny (Evanescence... hehe she likes amy lee's voice alot) Bet no one has a granny as kool as mine. Alright, off to bed I go. Something good has got to happen to me this upcoming week.

Spring is really not the season of love, at least not this year. Unless...

Adam cheated on Joan; what is this world coming to? I'm waaaaayy to into that show.