The Last Day of Summer

Too Much So lots of things have been happening with me, in fact, so many things that I don't feel like posting about anything. I wrote something last night in my real journal that I might post later, it's kind of more than I've ever told anyone about how I feel sometimes but for some reason I just feel like I should share it... So we'll see about that later because right now I feel too sleepy to do much. Parties have been happening all over the place as well as meeting people and doing all kinds of crazy things, maybe I just need some time to catch up with everything and then I'll be able to post. OH ya, there were also some interesting parts from a book that I was reading that I might post later as well. For now I'm gonna go outside and then maybe follow that up but a little nap. It's a nice day out there.

It seems to me that things used to be simpler, at least some of the time.

Such a nice night! I had a good time tonight although I'm not sure everyone else did. Does it matther tho? Muhahahah ok ok i'm kidding, of course it does. It was all rainy and adam picked me a flower (2 flowers actually if you wanna count) and ya it was tres cute. :D I'm such a sap... i know. So tampa bay lost to calgary (although i shoulda had a karmatic moment)and i kinda felt bad. BUt, i cheered myself up with an amaretto sour (whcih was QUITE sour I might add) and then was kinda happy again sitting with adam. I'm not sure if anything actually meant anything but i'm happy just the same and I don't have the need to go there, at least not tonight ;) I do have to say what a faker! though. :�

Still spinning, but hopefully in a better direction The weeks have just been flying by and I've been having a really good time. Sometimes I think I little bit too much of a good time. I mean i'm not doing any school or work so it kind of feels surreal. Anywho, it's great. Last night I finally got to see Kill Bill 2 with Laur and Jesse. :D Ewww eyeball... Then after that Laur and I met up with Nick and got introduced to a bunch of his friends. It was pretty kool but then guess who walked in? Yep it was Adam so now I've finally met him. Took long enough too and neither of us knew what was coming, at least I don't think so. Pleasant surprise. :) This week I have a doctor's appointment, I'm supposed to see Mean Girl, go to mckibbons thursday because this dude Josh told me he was gonna sing a song about Mindy (this one), laur's party Friday, Mike's saturday and Sarah's is also coming up. Oh my... heheh so much fun to be had and so little money t...

Sigh So i'm not really enjoying the situation I am in right now. I keep thinking about him and I don't even know if he feels any of what he used to. I sort of want things to go back to the way they used to be but I guess I can't have that. Who knows? I want to know how he feels but man I'm scared to call. Plus... I don't want to disturb the peace, you know? Especially if he is happy, maybe I should just stay far away. It's not like there aren't other guys... It's just him that I think of a lot.

Been Pretty Busy So I've been spending a lot of time with Jessica over the past few days and it's been super fun. Just yesterday we : went to a tanning salon (my first time), played mini-putt, she taught me how to drive (standard no less), watched a movie AND went out for icecream! Wow, it was a groovy day. Then today Jess and I met up with Melissa, Sarah and Katie and we went out for chinese food and then shopping for my lil cuz. I got him a cat in the hat vs the grinch dvd. I wanna see it myself. Man I am feeling pretty tired tonight tho. I guess I'll just stay at home and relax tonight, it's beautiful out tho. I wanna be all spiritual tonight, I can feel a need coming on. I love the air and ya maybe i'll do some meditation or something. I might even watch a movie by myself later which surprisingly, I never do by myself. Aside from the time when I was really sick and watched the sound of music the whole way through, I've never watched a movie all alone. :)

My Shopping Spree I went shopping today with Laur , Kim and Carla and bought loads of stuff. I bought two new skirts, two shirts, I actually caved after years and bought a pair of capris pants... :O, umm 3 pairs of the new Brazilian style underwear with two bras that match and ummm I think that is about it. It's enough tho, right? Wow so I didn't even get in a snit today. I usually get really frustrated when shopping but today was alright. I'm happy that I got a bunch of kool stuff. I wish i was going out with a bunch of friends to chill today, just like at someone's house or soemthing. That would be groovy.

Awesome times Wow, first I have to thank Jess for all the good luck that she brought me this weekend. Right so on friday I met up with Jess and Laur (I was already at laur's cuz I slept there the night before) and we went out for lunch and to see Van Helsing. It was an early bday present for Laur and so we told the waiter that it was her bday and they made her wear these gigantic moose antlers... it was hella funny. Anywho, we saw the movie after which had potential but who cast a really BAD actor as Dracula and made the whole thing a lot less believable then it already was. It was a fun time none the less. So Laur had to go home later and we decided that Jess was gonna sleep at my house. So Jess comes over cuz we were gonna go swimming and I was gonna watch Joan of Arcadia of course... BUT then my long lost friend, who i've really been missing, calls me and invites us over. Now I have to stress how weird this is because I mean I haven't hung out with Jay for years!! s...

I was wondering why i liked this song so much: Forget December by Something Corporate On Christmas morning Outside was pouring All was hopeless in this home But no one's speaking And no one creeping To see if she was on the phone And you were quiet This routine riot Is all but practical to me And if we see it Why can't we beat it Can we let each other be? Forget December It won't be better Than I remember it before And this month only Will be so lonely But not so Holy anymore New Years Eve came But nothing had changed All the problems just got worse We sat in silence No routine science Could heal the sickness we rehearse And if I'm talking My words are mocking The deaf ears they had fallen on These words are tainted With years are jaded In a sense that's all but gone Forget December It won't be better Than I remember it before And this month only Will be so lonely But not so Holy anymore Anymore Anymore A...

Finally Finito Woo hoo! So in about half an hour to an hour, I am going to Dawson to drop off my final assignments of the semester, my final assignments of my CEGEP career. ALRIGHT! What can I say about CEGEP? Well I learned some stuff but I didn't really meet too many people I was interested in getting to know. That's a bit of a shame but I'm hoping social work at McGill (if I get in) will be amazing and all the people will be really kool. I know I will be with Greg and Sarah, at least if we all get in, so there are some groovy people right there. I think I'm looking forward to university, I just pray that I will like the program. Umm I'm actually really excited for camp this year. I can look at is as a first crash course into social work. Plus, I get to teach a dance class, how kool is that? I had better learn some dances ;) Oh and rock climbing, I think it will be fun to get certified in that. :D Oh shit, speaking of certified... I have to get recertified for...

Sick and tired, completely fucking sick and tired Ok so sometimes I joke about how many crazy people I meet but now it's just too much. When it is about the third time you get followed home, things aren't so funny anymore. Fucking sick bastards, I want to kill them all. ALL OF THEM! NOt just the ones who follow me home, or the ones who sexually assault me at work , or the ones who yell things out of their cars OR Kiss me in the fucking metro EVERYONE SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So I'm walking home from tutoring and it is soo beautiful outside. I'm just enjoying my walk and i look over to the right about two streets before my house and there is like this somewhat old dude standing in his apartment doorway. He is motioning to someone to go over to him and so I look around to see who he is talking to and surprise surprise, it's only me walking. I shake my head, put my headphones on and continue walking. I hear him (with the phones on still) yelling someting at me and he...

Maybe I get it So the reason we keep going and living is because there is always this potential that the world could be a beautiful place. I don't think we quite realize how much of a difference we can make in this effort but the opportunity is still always there.

It's spinning Blogger changed apparently... I dont' think i like it but anyways. wow so tonight I feel a little overwhelmed. You know when it isn't one thing in particular but a bunch at once? Well ya, there's me.

Without aim or objective Here I am Here I wander The chains are tightening As i sit here working desperately Against them I wriggle for hours Nothing seems to change Don't know where that came from either. Everywhere I am writing little blurps of poetry even when I start out with a completely different intention. I need to get my school work done and I'm just not doing it. I had so many hours today and I sat listening to music and playing pinball. The end is so near but the work is never going down. 1. study for history test monday (includes reading like 50 pages) 2. write english final essay 3. write english story and get illustrations 4. read 30 something fairytales and make a journal 5. write 5 page psych final paper It isn't even that much and I still can't check anything of. Way to be stuck in a rut during the last week of school. This weekend i can't work on things cuz i have to go to camp but hopefully tomororw because i leave for the...

It's all gone It used to be so easy... I never even tried. Alright, so maybe that isn't completely true but I never really had to try that hard. People were just there, connections and relationships were much easier to form and get into. And now, well it is like I can't even meet a guy without there being like a zillion complications. In fact, there don't seem to be that many guys around in the first place to meet. ok ok, i know that prolly isn't true either... just man, everything has changed. I pick up more crazy people and chicks now then I do guys. lol and there folks is the story of my life.

soo good I was just listening to the song Lady in Red and man it is still soo good. It's funny because when I was about 6 years old, I really really liked the song and used to always want to hear it. Until recently I had sorta forgotten but then adam asked me about it and i also heard it on the radio. Now that I am back to listening to it, i figured I would share the lyrics. I wonder why I do that some times... whether I am just sharing things I find beautiful or if I am more like a dog claiming my territory. weird huh? well anyways here is the song: I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight I've never seen you shine so bright I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance They're looking for a little romance Given half a chance And I've never seen that dress you're wearing Or the highlights in your hair That catch your eyes I have been blind The lady in red is dancing with me Cheek to cheek There's nobody he...

It is in the air Nights like tonight are my favourite, I'm talking weather-wise here. I heard some noise so i went to stand on my balcony and there was the nicest breeze ever. The moon is out and I could actually see some stars, which is always a little surprising from the city. Anyways... that, well this, is my favorite kind of night. It reminds me of so much and of nothing specific at the same time. Just of being happy i think. On nights like this I can really feel, well i can't put into words exactly what I feel, but it is a beautiful feeling. Maybe it is how I am ready and would be happy to share my life with someone, even for a short time which i think is better than no time but the thing is, I don't really have anyone in specific to love. I mean ya i love my family but I am talking relationshipwise. man i dunno... i just feel like talking a walk with some guy... or sitting on my balcony with him... or sleeping under the stars... I dunno . Ok here, it is like potent...

Such a nice weekend So last night I slept at my uncles, like I said, and went swimming. The weather this weekend has been absolutely amazing. Today was another good one. I went for my massage today (thanks kim if you ever read this) and it was pretty good. I think it is called more of a superficial massage because they don't really go into the muscles but it was merveilleuse just the same. The girl greased me all up with this lavender oil and I thought I was gonna die. I didn't really like the smell at first but on the way home in the car i was like mmmm it's so nice. So ya I want another massage soon ;) Oh man tho, did you know they make you get naked for massages?!? well you leave your underwear on. I was all embarrased because I didn't have the bikini kind on and so I asked her if I could keep my shorts on AND she like just lifted the towel, looked at my ass and said "no, you're wearing the best kind for a massage". hahaha I was a little surprised t...