The Last Day of Summer

So my layout is complete, I just wanted to thank laurie. Thanks Laurie :) Btw, when i was reading the stuff, under name and all that, I thought you described me to everyone as short. I was like pfft but then I read Mindy so you meant short as in my nickname... You're lucky!

For about the past 2-3 years I have wished consecutively to fall in love; every birthday wish, every 11:11 make a wish, every shooting star, every turkey bone (when i got the bigger piece), every everything (and I really mean without fail). I thought maybe it finally happened after wanting and wishing for it for so long and now that I think maybe it didn't, it's just so much worse. enough with the wishes. It leads to this big expectation that isn't fair in the first place and it's going to kill me. And that's all i have to say for tonight.

It's Always Raining in my Head It's true you know, no one undermines their own relationships quite like I can and like I do. This time two weeks ago, maybe even a week ago, I was almost in heaven. I thought I was actually falling and that things were going well. And now look at it... I don't even know what is going on with anything anymore. And why? Because I can't help but say things and think... always. I guess it is better that way and to realize what is actually going on but ... ignorence is so blissful. My heart hurts. It really does. I was so miserable today and the weather was perfect for it. Then work went by at a crawl and one of the bosses was pissed at me and ... Something happening with me now that is bad is that when ever i feel emotionally not well, it turns into physical and I'll literally be shaky or be feeling sick to my stomach. I could barely even eat today, like I had no will to. I don't know what there is left to do. cry? for what.. I do...

I don't feel very well... not so much physically tho. I will go write my journal (before i get to my hours of homework) and hopefully that will make me feel a little better.

So not all your boyfriends and friends can get along, I guess that's ok. :( Kinda sucks tho. awww welll.. I went shopping today, got me some new shoes, new shades and a new haircut. The haircut kinda sucks because the chick didn't really blow dry it and now I have bangs and they are kinda short and since they aren't straightened, they look really funny but I'm gonna try and go fix that myself soon. We'll see how that goes. At least all in all it looks more healthy now. No spilt ends or any of that crap. And it smells really good, I shoudl ahve found out what shampoo she washed my hair with. mmm. Me and Jess and her mom were all talking about all the places we want to travel to today, I'm sooo looking forward to travelling. W0ot wo0t! :D It's a nice day out today... I'm gonna try to do homework anywyas and maybe play some keyboard, who knows. Have a good Easter Weekend peeps!

So it's confirmed, I need to have my wisdom teeth taken out. There was a big mix up at the dentist's today and I was given an appointment for my dentist's clinic in Pierrefonds... ya way to go secretaries! But it all worked out for the best because I got to see this awesome female dentist. She said I was an excellent patient and that my teeth were looking really good. That was nice to hear but then I got that bad news. Wisdom teeth! Pfft! I asked her if it hurt really bad and she told me that when she had hers done she went to a specialist and he was really good. It took like 5 minutes, she didn't have too much swelling and barely any pain. She gave me a referral to him so we'll see how that goes. Funny thing is... i just realized who he is. When I was like in grade 9 and I had that big surgery in my mouth cuz of that tooth that was fucked up and like on the roof of my mouth, he is the same guy that cut me all up and got blood everywhere. Ya... i still remember that...

So my eyes are kinda tired now after crying them out while watching "man on fire", good movie btw. Better to cry because of a movie rather than because of statistics problems that I cannot do. And that's pretty much been my day. I have going to the dentist to look forward to when I wake up tomorrow. ...

Another Theory I've taught myself or I've been classically conditioned to never put all my eggs in one basket (okay bad expression especially since it's Easter tomorrow) but it's what comes to mind. I've let myself, no, I've been really hurt in the past and everytime it's just shown me a little more not to put all my trust, hope (love) with one person. Instead, to always keep a back-up or other options in case the current one blows up in my face. If not, then what are you left with and how can you go on? It hurts so much when you think you are or you are in love with something and then they break your heart. I am now realizing that with this strategy I'll never be able to be truly in love and truly happy. You always have to keep the other options alive and therefore you never give your all to the one you think you could love. I won't give him all of my heart. I always think about who I'd be with if not the person who I am currently with. Not spe...

One of my all time favorite activities is to be driving in a car. Well just in a car with someone driving because I still don't completely know how to drive.

I'm so disappointed about this year's st. patrick's day. If it wasn't for the breakfast I had with Jess, I would have done absolutely nothing for st patrick's. I couldn't go to the parade and now today, on the actual day, I have class AND I have nothing green to wear... pfft! Work yesterday went alright (I think). I didn't screw up that much so hopefully things will continue like that. I've only done the express cash alone so far. Sarah is gonna be there on friday for my next shift so that should be kool. I couldn't find my punch card though... I wonder if someone there is playing a trick on me. Everyone else's cards were there, all the girls I trained with, only mine was gone. At first I was like uh oh... maybe I am fired already heh but ya, i guess not. I'm gonna head to class soon... It looks pretty nice outside, I hope it feels just as nice. I miss the sun sooo much. C'mon Spring, winter is killing me. Happy St. Patrick's Day!...

You will never guess what book I saw (and read, of course) today! I'll give you a clue... it was my favorite book as a little kid. Got it yet? GOODNIGHT MOON! I looked at it and it seemed so plain and simple but there is just something about it. *sigh* Memory lane. So I went to my stage, walked home, went downstairs to see if I still had a bike (i do), went to the bank to get some stuff straightened out and then I studied just a little. I'll have to do more studying since I have a big test tomorrow. Yep yep. I'm gonna see Jesse tonight so that should be fun! yay! What else? Heh I had a sub for supper, my granny makes the best ones ever. And ya, i guess that's all I got for today. Sorry..

I'm liking IGA A LOT more than Pharmaprix... just thought I would share. (Only about 4 more weeks of school)

Happy 350th Yep so it's my 350th post, I've been writing for a while now. congratulations to me I guess>? This morning I woke up at 6:30 so I could go out for an Irish breakfast celebration at Sir Winston Churchhill with Jess and her mom and Sarah. It was pretty fun! I actually knew song of the songs that the band played (thanks to my Irish friend Steve and the cds he's made me. :D) Yep so I had a shamrock sticker on my face and once I got to school I made some people panic because they thought today was st Patrick's day and they missed it. Hehehe. Tonight I start my first day at IGA, wonder how that will go. I only work from 5:30 till 9:30 so I can't imagine it being too bad. It's awesome to have a 4 hour shift. W0ot Wo0T! Tomorrow night after work I am going out for supper with some girls from high school (sarah, melissa and tiff) and then after that I am going to the comedy fest at AMC. That should be pretty fun. We'll see. I would have went to this pa...

I do not know why but I just want to punch something... * I feel better now. hehe I got mail from Ireland!!!

Last night I had a very good evening. I did homework and I took a nap. Afterwards, I started to practice the piano again and it actually went faster (relearning) and then when I was done with that, I read some poetry (20th century stuff). I slept for a couple of hours and then Jesse called me and I went to his house to sleep. So ya, I had a good night. Although right now my relations with my "parents" aren't so great but it's their own faults.

A list of thing I would like to do/learn within the near future: -Learn to drive -Learn to play the guitar -Speak more in french -Learn spanish -Lose 20 lbs -Cook more often -Get a hair cut (possibly dye it) -Write a good poem -Go on an amazing date K that's all I got for now.

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I am doing becoming a social worker. Maybe I'm then one who needs to actually see one. I'm not sure if it's getting worse but I feel pretty nervous sometimes and also I can be sooo shy. I really hate it and it makes me wonder if I'll be any good as a social worker. Probably not all social workers have to go out and advocate and lead group discussions and volunteer efforts but wow, I have to choose a stage soon and a lot of them require that. I wonder what I will get. Last time I went for my placement interview, the lady said I looked So so young and so she didn't know where to put me. Oy. Well we'll see I guess. I have my interview for next years placement on thursday. It's like 400 hours or something... crazy. I hope I get somewhere that I will fit in and be able to do good stuff. Man why am i always thinking and worrying and blah blah. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where's the tooth fairy when you need her? My bottom, left lower jaw or teeth are hurting, I guess I will have to go to the dentist after all. Arg.. I'm sure i'll need a filling fixed or even my wisdom teeth yanked out. Wow, i'm so scared of the dentist. So today was my last shift at pharmaprix and it was great. Everyone yelling and giving attitude and I was fine with it cuz I knew it was the last time I would be working there. One of the assistant managers told me that if this new job didn't work out, I could always go bacck. It was really nicce of her but I don't want to have to go back there. really really. oi! I"m still trying to decide if I am going to go to camp this summer. I go over and over the pros and the cons. Cons of going : no driving lessons, not a lot of money, no seeing my city friends Pros of going : Working all summer with kids, getting a tan, being in one of the most beautiful spots on earth, seeing Lulu and john and a few other peopl...

Playing: 1. Sunday Bloody Sunday 2. The World You Love Sometimes I have so many thoughts running through my head that I can't pick which ones to write about. I was just about to go and write in my journal but I figured I would do it here instead. I watched Joan tonight (I almost missed it because my granny and aunt said it was going to be a repeat); it always makes me think. One of the many reasons that it is my favorite show. So it was mainly about how a lot of the time we do not see the results of our actions but how that isn't as important as the actions themselves. I'm thinking about everything I live for and everything I want to do and how I affect people's lives. Sometimes maybe we do not feel too good about ourselves because we do not always get to be aware of how our existence and just our being there has an impact on everyone around us. I know that one of the things that I want to do is bring out the best in other people... The thing is... whe...

"Melinda, I hope you never get married! Men are pigs; they only think about one thing. What do you need a man for? Did you hear about what happened on the radio this morning? A man was chatting up a girl at a bar, his pager went off, he left, then came back and asked the women if she'd be there next week because he had to leave since his wife was going into labour at the hospital. How could he do that? You can't trust men" How many times am I going to have to get this speech? So I believe in love, maybe I am young and naive but it's better than the alternative...

So I will be going into Pharmaprix tomorrow to, (get ready for this) QUIT! W00T Wo0t! I got the job at IGA and I will be starting training next week. (thanks Sarita). So I'm gonna do my scheduled shift for Saturday and that will be my last day working at pharmaprix (7 till 2). I'll probably be scheduled for Sunday after but since I'm gonna quit, I won't have to do that shift. Alright, Mindy's got the Sunday off!!!

Coming Full Circle (persnaps) Ok, so I have some news. I got my stats test back today and somehow I got an A. I don't understand it and I think there might be a mistake because I really felt as if I screwed up that exam. I told so many people that I messed it up and now I feel as if peopel are going to think I am a big liar. Whatever, I'm not complaining... it's just weird. I also got my anthro back and I got a B+. Weird cuz I thought I did soo much better on that one then on my stats one. My african history midterm today went alright. Well, either it went really well or really poorly but I'm hoping for the well. We'll see soon enough I guess. I get my big social work paper back tomorrow so we'll see how I did on that one. And then I get my other assignment back on friday. oi OK next, I have a job interview tomorrow. It's where Sarah works at IGA. I've already met her boss and he knows who I am so hopefully that will go ok. I just really can't t...