The Last Day of Summer

Why do I want to go back to the past instead of moving towards the future? I was looking through my old e-mails and saved drafts and all that stuff and took a somewhat painful trip down memory lane. I found an old survey from a friend, at the time best friend and at the present time not a friend at all, and I miss how it used to be. I miss it so bad. It's probably even worse because he doesn't care anymore. I don't know why I still do but, I do. I want what used to be but, time changes people and I can't go back in time although, if given the opportunity, I think i would do it. I'm still blown away by how much he used to care about me.

I just want things to go well for once K, so drama queen title for a post, i know. Things go well sometimes and I should appreciate that but lately things are just so damn confusing. I'm nervous about school, just found out I have an older sister, and then there's my love life. I don't even know where to start about my love life. Honestly though i just wanna find someone and be happy. Is that really sooo much to ask for? I mean, not that I am not having a good time and enjoying meeting people and so on and so forth but, it would be nice to have an actual meaningful relationship. Maybe I just let things go by when I should actually put more of an effort into it. I guess i'm scared and at the same time I don't want to disrupt people's lives, especially if those people are happy.

So much going on, so fast All I can say is wow. Today, just a little while ago, I found out that I have an older sister. I always thought that I was the oldest one. Her name is Tina and she is 24. She lives in Ottawa AND has two kids. One is 3 and one is 5, which makes me an aunt! Oh my gosh. So she's been searching for her dad for about 20 years now. And she went on this Benny Farm site and my aunt saw a post that she wrote and then told me about her. So now she is on my msn and we are talking. Her husband saw a picture of me and even said that we look Sooo much a like. This is soo exciting. I know she wants to find our dad and everything but I hope she wants to meet me also. Man... an older sister. wow!

Only the Good Die Young Wow, I had a really bad day today. It is all mainly due to public transportation... So I was taking the train this morning and I got my tariff reduit because I have a bus pass, I get on the train and the S.W.A.T. time comes on in. Ok not really the SWAT team but these stupid train "cops" and the guy checks my ticket out and then tells me I'm getting a fine. And for what? It's not that I tried to get on the train without buying a ticket BUT because I bought the wrong stupid one for a difference of 1.75$. Guess how much the fine is? Just guess... 110$ OH YA! So I'm contested it and hopefully I'll win and not have to pay because it was actually a mistake. I'll give them a freaking dollar 75. Ok so now I went to my McGill orientation and I'm on my way home and the freaking metro guy won't let me on the metro. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I was sooo upset. Apparently the student bus pass that my granny bought me isn't go...

So it's like this I can see beauty in so many people and in the way they are and the things that they do but then I look at myself, wanting other people to find something just as beautiful, and I don't know what is there. Even something like canadian idol (i know that sounds stupid) but when the people sing and really put their emotion into it, I find them sooo beautiful. It makes me think about what I can do, like how I can't sing though I wish I could and about what makes me special. So, I'm going to start really looking at myself and try to find what is there that does make me special. I have enough friends so I'm guessing they must see something there. Maybe it is just harder to see what is good about yourself. I know it's easy to see what is bad. As for talents though... i still don't think i've found my thing. heh, I know that it is not singing. I'll keep looking. I just want to have someone I really like find something special a...