The Last Day of Summer

mmm just breathe It is soooo nice out today, I even wore shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt. Man, I love this weather. I can't explain how much I've missed it or how much more happy I am feeling. It is like winter stiffles my soul actually. I'm so much more active in the summer time and life is so much more fun. What else? hmmm tonight I am tutoring this guy in psych at my uncle's and then I am going swimming with my uncle and lil cuz. Should be fun, plus for some reason I feel less stressed about my homework. Woo Hoo! Food Intake: 1 eggo with maple syrup 1 koolaid jammer 1 big bowl of salad (green pepper, black olives, tomato bacon bits, celery, lettuce (duh) 4 slices hungarian salami 1 oatmeal/raisin cookie

A side note Alright so I was reading my abnormal psychology book today (had a test) and I read that girl who are about 5'4 normally weight about 120 lbs. So i'm not 120 at all and I'm now wondering if I am like abnormal or something. I mean I'm not fat and I do have some muscle but I wonder if the "average" girl has muscle or not. Anywho I've wanted to shape up a bit for the past forever and it's been a couple of months now that I've been trying to come up with a plan. I think that I've formulated one that I can start on and then build from there. So I'm going to keep a food journal and write down everything I eat during the day, everyday. Now this is for myself and not really for anyone else uhh unless of course what I eat interests you. I just wanted to talk about it because I'm gonna included it here everyday because I don't really have anywhere else to write it. I'm not sure if I can just post it and not publish it but i...

Blast from the past On the way home (after a homeless person asked me for change and told me how beautiful I was), I saw my half brother Joey. It is soo weird seeing him. I still feel this connection with him from when we were kids and used to play together and stuff but at the same time, I hardly know him anymore. He is soooo tall now, like six foot something. He put his arm around me and told me what I shrimp I was. Pffft. Why'd I get all the sucky genes? He has super nice teeth and eyes unlike myself who needed braces and blah blah. Anyways we reminised a little about the past and stuff and it felt pretty nice. He told me that he is still in a band now and that this summer they will prolly be touring. His band is called Transfusion I think... heh pretty kool. Again with the genes; god knows that I don't have much musical abilities. So, he asked me what I am doing tonight (cuz he likes hockey as well) but I have too much homework to really try and do anything else. I h...

Crunch! Alright, so I'm back from my nature retreat. Overall it was a pretty good trip. I did a whole bunch of workshops: palotes, yoga, massage, and self-relaxation. I got to climb a mountain and then sit at the top and think... that is one of the best feelings in the world. Actually, I wrote a hiku partly about that. I made it for this girl named Tammy whose name I picked. We had to pick names and over the weekend try to observe the person and then make them a gift by the end of the week. So i found some wood and wrote the Hiku nicely on it. I posted the hiku if you wanna see, it's called Our Place in the Cycle; I still can't figure out which way is better to put it. Hah now I will explain the gift I got. Some dude came up to me and brought me this like flower but it was dead. So he was all like saying how he felt i was although we hardly talked and that he got this flower for me. It was pretty funny because I guess he sees me as a dead flower or something. Anyway ...

All my bags are packed.... (NOT!) Ok so I am leaving tomorrow morning early for my nature retreat. I've been waiting for it for a while now so I hope it will live up to my expectations. I'm also leaving in about an hour to go watch the hockey game at greg's with Katie. yay hockey. Have I packed yet...? Nope! Lol i'm gonna go and try to get most of my packing done now. I hate packing tho. bah. Anywho hope everyone has a good weekend. This will be my last weekend to try and have a good time, for a little while at least cuz when I get back school is gonna be insane and therefore I will GO insane. Alright well Go Habs! (sorry adam) and uhhh peace.

I want to break something I'm very tired and on the verge of a headache so obviously I am more easily irritated but even if I wasn't this tired, I'm pretty should I would be equally pissed off. So my computer is being a real asshole and my msn isn't working and neither are some other things yet my internet explorer works. I don't understand this crap... that's one thing... Second thing... My mother! Oh my god. She could have at least at least tried to be a little more clever in her schemes.... a little more class, a little more decency a little more something... So ya lately she has been calling and for easter she actually sent me a card that was english and about easter (normally it is french cards for your spouse on valentine's day) AND she gave me nail polish... So get this... (OH MY GOD SHE JUST CALLED AGAIN>>> just let me get there) right so back to getting this... she calls today and goes "hi melinda... how are you? So ya, mother...

I guess it makes sense Michelle sent me a song a while ago by Something Corporate and I think now I get why I really liked it or why it touched me... FOr these lines: but damn you're so young but I don't think i care and if i hurt you then I'm sorry please don't think that this was easy Then you bring me home Cuz we both know what it's like To be Alone Man... that hits close to everything. I get it. * It's called Konstantine btw

har har har So last night we FINALLY had a thunder storm and man it was a pretty good one too. I live for storms, they are the best ever! Although, what happened last night wasn't so much fun... So I'm watching all the lightening as I usually do when there is a storm and I get the genius idea to open my window and listen to the thunder too cuz it wasn't very loud at all. Only really really loud thunder can sometimes freak me out... go figure that it isn't the lightning that ever scares me. So, I open the window and then actually stand right at it for a while. I'm looking out and then BANG , the next minute I think that I've got shot. Oh MY god... I got soooo scared. I took off running down the hall and ran into my granny's room also scaring the crap outta my dog. I look at my granny and she just starts laughing at me, which is even more funny considering that she is the one normally panicking during storms. MAN... it was the loudest freaking clap of thun...

Some nights leave you feeling so unfulfilled, as if no matter what you have done to occupy your time during the day, it still means nothing in the end. As you lay there in your bed, having used up the last thing you were willing to bend your mind around, there is only one thing left to feel: it is the beauty of being alone and you gather it around yourself. As things change and as time passes, you know that is the one feeling that can never really be pushed away. Actually, it can be looked upon as your safety net, come whatever, that feeling will be there for you always. This is perhaps what is so beautiful about the idea of vampires. Looking out the window, you can imagine what it would be like to sit there, on a building somewhere or on the typical bridge, feeling the night in all of its glory along with any breeze that might be passing. The City Lights are somehow comforting with of all their illusions and promises. Would it make a difference if someone was there with you? It might...

What to blog, what to blog? Well i just finished my 2, 500 word abnormal psychology term paper. Wow! It is pretty long but at least I choose an interesting topic. I can wait to crawl into bed and continure reading about Anita and Jean-Claude and Richard and Micah and Jason and Nathaniel... and ya you get the idea... wow. Sleep is also sounded pretty good right now. I can't believe how hectic my spring break was... it is like I never stopped but I did have a good time overall. So much work coming up ahead of me but at the same time, so much work already behind me. If I can just get my IS presentation ready and my gym homework at least halfways completed, I will be good to go. Hehe I'm sure you all were just dying to know how my homework life was going... anywho that is enough. I went to quizz today with sarah and melissa to check out their new stuff. hehe that store is pretty fun and pretty kinky at the same time. (I'm so sure those were candles guys...) hahah The little...

I'm here and this is all real... at least real in the way I am used to Last night was both amazing in a sense and also the most terrifying night of my life. I'm not going to go into exactly what I did but I passed through the darkest place i've ever been and I came out of it. Part of me was dying last night and I kept it inside, I was screaming and I had the strongest feeling of despair I've ever experienced. Everything went blank and it was like I wasn't there anymore; wasn't aware of anything around me or even myself, my body just was gone. Then I found something inside myself and I asked for help and slowly the path I was walking on became clear and I could see my feet and then my legs and I knew that I would be ok if I kept concentrating. Thank god I was with Katie though or I don't know what would have happened. Actually thank god himself also, or what I pictured as a he... i don't know why. Wouldn't get into me meeting god cuz i'm prett...

My failure as a friend Man... so many of my friends seem to be going through a rough time or have been going through one for some years. I honestly do try to be there but I should also admit I do not try nearly as hard as i should. This isn't a post where I am seeking to here "no melinda, you are a great friend" or anything like that, I just feel like making a confession. I see a lot of ppl that need me or maybe not me in specific but need someone and I just do not make enough time for them. About that I am sorry. It is even worse because I sort of have this, well i don't know what you would call it but it could be close to a power or just a hommed skill, where I can tell when people are hurting and when they really need someone and I don't respond enough. I know that I can't save the world... one time maybe i was deluded enough to think so but I know that I can't BUT I should at least be able to comfort those closest to me. I do sometimes in small way...

my saturday I am reading narsissus in chains now , still the anita blake vampire hunter/animator series. SOOOO freaking good! My aunt took me to angringnon today to get my hair cut, my hair dresser is super nice. I'm not sure if I like it but it is nothing too different... I saw this picture on the wall of a chick with really short hair and I have to admit, I was tempted. Nope but I just have more layers back in the front and it is still somewhat longish in the back. You tell them an inch and they take a mile for real though... I just said a trim! lol oh well. The thing about hair is that it grows back :) Now compare this post to yesterday... what does everything I am saying matter? i guess my life still has to matter but it is just soooo unhelpful to others. :( Man Michael Buble is sooo good. I got three cds today. .. well my aunt bought the michael one. I got Nora Jones and Sarah McLachlin, the latter for my granny's bday present. Anywho gonna go listen to music an...

It is all so fucking trivial I just watched Beyond Borders and I have to say that you never really know it is real, that people really live like that. Especially while you are in your nice warm bed or a warm shower, you don't think about the people who are literally starving to death or having flies all over then without any medicine or protection. And when you see it, it makes everything in your life seem so unimportant. How can anything be important when there are people out there dying of hungry? What does it matter what grade you get on your assignment, what someone said about you, what you are going to have for supper. It doesn't fucking matter cuz you know you are going to be having something for supper either way. I know that it is only once you basic needs are met that you can start to think about other things but fuck... all my fucking needs are met and what am I doing for these people... I'm not doing anything. I wanted to work for the united nations, I really...

The Second Try I had made a post earlier this morning going into great detail about what happened last night and how dissatisfied I was but fortunately it just disappeared. People would not have liked my post since it was a tad on the harsh side. Anyway, the beginning of last night was fun and end of last night was definitely a disaster. So i learned to things: 1. Not to do things if my heart isn't really into it and 2. Not to go drinking solely with people who turn into dramaqueens because I am not able to handle it. That is about it... I don't feel great this morning but I don't have a hangover. Today I am going to get my work done for school and tonight I am just going to relax and that's it, that's all.

Tokyo Bar So last night I went out with a lot of people from Dawson for that cincom party at Tokyo. At first I was kinda just like meh because there was couples everywhere and then there was me. But then I started drinking and soon none of that mattered. :D Heh then some of my other friends showed up and I saw Nick. So i went over to say hi but I was sort of hesitating cuz I wasn't positive it was him, lucky for me that it was. So i went back and started dancing with Sarah, Melissa and Simon and I think Jf And Gaby. Everything was fine but then this strange guy came up and tried to pull me away from all my friends and was grinding hard core. I was mouthing omg to my friends and ack help so melissa saved me . YAy! Then laster Nick passed by and I think we danced for like an hour or something. Oh man... it was really fun but at one point I was about to pass out. heh I outlasted Melissa and Simon though so muhhahahah but I think Nick could have outlasted me. It was SOOO Hot! I sat...

The Break Begins So today I had my last class and now I'm on spring/easter break (yes my cegep is evil and combines the two to screw us over). I was supposed to go to see Secret Window but ya I'm not going anymore :( oh well, next time. I will watch american idol instead I suppose. Woo hoo. I should actually be cracking down and getting all my project and assignments done but guess what? I really do not want to do that, so I am not gonna start tonight. tsk tsk we'll see about tomorrow.

I wish I could see it. Bright, beautiful, friend, ambitious, queen of the light, cautiously optimistic, hanging by a thread, attractive and of course... dorky; I wonder if those really sum me up. The dorky one I can see and sometimes a few of the others but I'm really happy that others can see me in a better way than I can usually see myself. Hanging by a thread though... hopefully I'm strong enough to hang on for a long time. Anywho, last night I slept over a Katie's and had a pretty fun time. I was gonna save this as a surprise but she dyed my hair. It is now blond with these dark reddish/brown streaks all over the place. I'm thinking that I really like it. It is now the darkest I've ever had it. So we watched Queen of the Damned because *gasp* Katie had never seen it and we ate some cookie dough icecream and popcorn... yumm. We also rented The Simpsons game for PS2 but I'm not sure if I really liked it too much. I wasn't really paying attention or ...

My Turn Sum up your opinion or impression of me in one word, leave it as a comment in this posting, and then post this sentence in your own journal, please. (one word... one sentence... whatever you like)

I always want to be somebody else Awww I just got home from seeing a movie. It was soooo good, at least to me. I saw Dirty Dancing #2 (havana nights). I really wish I was that good of a dancer. I also wish that I could speak spanish but not as much as I wish I could dance like in the movie. Wow. It was so passionate and everything, i love it. heh the guy in the movie was pretty sexy but I wonder if real guys are like him... From my angle it seems too good to be true but you never know. I think I just need to meet a bunch of nice guys (i know of at least two that exist) and maybe that will help change my views. pfft I love love stories... I'm just a stupid romantic :�

Relaxation Today seems like such a perfect day for relaxing. I just got home from my stage at the elementary school; it was my last day. I got to say bye to the kids and this one little girl who i adore gave me a hug. She is like one of the cuttest kids ever. Happy and always moving and talking but not in an annoying way. I'm kind of sad to not be going back anymore but now I have all saturday afternoon off. hehe ok so here is a joke from one of the others kids (also super cute with a little lisp... man little guys with lisps heheh too adorable) Anyways so... how does it go... you do a circle motion and saying "brushing my hair" then the tooth brush motion and say "brushing my teeth" and then you go "MAN, YOU"RE CRAZY!"... cuz you circle cirlce head motion plus point as the brushing teeth is like how you do the crazy sign. hahah well if you can understand that it is pretty cute if not then too bad. Ok ya and i wanted to talk about how peop...

I can never be an individual Just once I would like something that I could call my own. I always have these sneaking suspicions that people are trying to take parts of myself and make them their own. It could be a little bit of paranoia or of egocentrism but, I can list many MANY examples where I've had or found something and then the next day or two other people will have the same thing. If it isn't my hair or clothes then it is my tattoo, my favorite things or my way of talking. I CAN'T STAND IT! Just leave me alone and become someone else... They say that the highest compliment is when people try to do what you do or have what you have but it isn't a compliment at all... it makes me want to destroy and change everything about the way I am. grrr ** ON another note... what is with these weird e-mails i get? here is one: Mountain Of Dreams By: Mark R. Sosa Copy written 2003 Be still my child, close your eyes and open your mind to a world of endless poss...