The Last Day of Summer

It's funny the way things are marketed to the two sexes. At pharmaprix whenever I am facing, I always have to laugh when I am at the deodorant section. For girls it's like Lavender Fresh or Soft & Dry Baby Powder or tropical breeze and then you look at the guy section and it's like ARCTIC Thunder, Typhoon, Atomic Blast... well there are funnier ones but I can't remember. I just think it is amusing how men and women are sold to so differently.

Powerless So I got this thing in the mail that I had to pick up something from the post office. I was all curious and everything. I got it today and it's a fucking thing saying that I have to go to court... like criminal court. Oh boy... Right so I don't know if anyone remembers when i got that fine on the train from the wannabe cop (for ACCIDENTALLY buying the wrong train ticket, ya i at least tried to get the right one, and for a difference of like 50 cents, he gave me like a 100 something dollar fine) ya well I contested it because everyone said it was rediculous and I shoudln't pay that. So today I get this thing giving me a day to show up in criminal court on august 23rd to plea not guilty AND it says that if I am found guilty I will not only be responsible for the fine but I will have to pay the fees for the whole fucking court thing. DO I WANT TO GO TO COURT in the first place. I just don't want to pay that freaking crazy fine. I TOLD THE GUY I WOULD EVEN PAY ...

I should be doing homework tonight but I'm not going to. I think I need to have some fun or else my soul is going to wither up and die. If I don't have fun tonight, I don't know when my next chance will be so... seize the opportunity. I'm going to hang out with Jess! I have this urge to make something. I don't know why. On the way home for the doctor's I was thinking about how I used to do corking (or whatever that is called that we used to all do in elementary) or needle point, or knitting (ok now I really really sound like a granny. Diego if you are reading this shhh), or umm making that kool tazmanian devil rug thingy that i still haven't finished, well anywho , just making stuff, I want to make something. Otay that's all. I have to get my stuff ready to go to jess'. Sorry this post is so half assed. I just wrote it all while i was doing other things and making plans and ya... why even post it? But I still will.

Suicidal Girl Today's class was a little strange. My wednesday class is one devoted to practicum so it's mainly about role playing situations that we, as social workers, could be likely to see. Anywho, today's main topic was suicide. How to deal with people who are thinking about it, what to do when someone talks about it, what are our legal obligation and so one and so forth. So the teacher asks first, who has had suicide touch their lives. I put my hand up and then I look around and there are only like one or two other people with their hands up. So right, whatever... everyone looks at you wondering what's happened and blah blah. For some reason I get this feeling that people are thinking it's me who has really thought about suicide in the past and stuff. I'm not sure why. BUT then the teacher like gets me to role play this situation with her. So basically she is the social worker and I am the person who would like to kill myself. So, I try to put myself...

What's coming? I'm not sure if it is just me... but I can feel something is about to happen or change. It could just be that the full moon is coming and that is what I am intune with but I'm not sure. I have a strange feeling, I can't tell whether it is good or bad. The full moon is going to be tuesday at 5 something am I believe, but is it possible to be this connected with it? When i was really studying Wicca, this is how I always wanted to feel, connected with the moon and with nature and with everything. I haven't had the chance to study for a while but I feel something nonetheless. Perhaps it doesn't have to do with what I am thinking it does. I half like this feeling, ok maybe more than half but it makes me uneasy at the same time. I was just about to write "it must sound like I'm crazy" but why bother because feelings do not have to be logical and if you can't relate to me then it doesn't really matter anyways because it's wha...

I don't have to work all weekend! It feels like such a vacation for me even though I am sick. I slept almost all day long today. I told some tylenol cold... 2 capsules actually and then felt really weird. My granny told me I was high and I should go to bed. hahah I guess 2 is too much for me, I'll just take one next time. I did go to bed though and I had a beautiful sleep. Compared to the other night I had, I would have taken almost anything. I've got more homework done this weekend than I have in a while and tomorrow I hope to be up to date with my stats. It's super nice to actually have a weekend. They found someone to take my shift for me tomorrow and I'm just working next saturday from 2 till 10. W0ot Wo0t! My aunt bought a pinapple and I had some raspberries so I decided to make a smoothie tonight. Only problem was that i didn't know how so, I called Jess and her mom helped me out. hehe Then I called Jess at work and she told me some more stuff and then ...

The Mind is a Powerful (and sometimes slightly annoying) Thing I was sooo tired yesterday, all day long and even through cardio latino. All i wanted to do was sleep and I think I could have just lay on the floor anywhere and drifted off. I decided to try to go to bed early in order to get a good sleep and maybe even get better but of course, do you think I could sleep when I finally had the opportunity? NO! I lay there for about three hours blowing my noise and tossing and turning. It's was so frustrating. On top of that, I think I was having major fever induced thoughts. My mind was running all over the place, analyzing every aspect of my life and trying to tell me that it was all wrong and I needed to start over. I had really scary thoughts, everything was being questioned and I was powerless to do anything. I can't really explain it but it was like being forced to think when I didn't want to and about things that I didn't want to think about. That's not reall...

Eventually it always catches up It's been quite a while since I've been sick now. I've been faithfully taking my vitamin C and Echinacea whenever I feel the slightest bit of sore throat or cold symptoms coming on. And it's been working for months now. Lately, I just haven't been sleeping as much as I think I should be. Who knows... maybe 6-7 hours most nights isn't so bad. But in my mind, it isn't enough sleep. I wonder if I am getting sick for reasons that are all in my head. I got a bad sore throat last night and pumped in the vitamins and whatever but this time, I don't think that will be enough. I woke up with the sore throat this morning and I had it all through the night. Sore throats drive me absolutely mental. I hate constant minor pain, like every time I swallow and such. It makes me feel like everything is shitty over all cuz I can only concentrate on what I feel. I have a lot of homework to do but I think that I am going to take a nap. M...

In need of some advice So today I had my stage again and I'm crazy about it. I really like it and look forward to it. This one little kid is so freaking cute. He got attached to me for some reason and kept like throwing himself in my lap or wanting to hold my hand. Then these two little boys got into a fight over who could sit next to me. GOD, they are sooooo cute! I got to read a book to a little girl and then to a little group and I also got to play in the sandbox with some other kids. AHHH! It's sooo much fun. So two of the teachers were missing today and the main teacher actually asked if she could hire me. I wanted to say yes soo soo bad but I don't think she can hire me for a stage. Like I don't think you are allowed to be paid but I will ask at school just to be sure. Anyways, she said she would hire me after the stage if I'd like. Could you imagine that being my job and getting paid for it better than I do at Pharmaprix, it'd be like a dream come tr...

A Long Day People who come into work drive me crazy. Look, if you say either hi or bonjour to me, I will speak to you in the according language. I don't have a problem speaking to you in french or in english, I'll even fucking try to speak to you in spanish if you'd really like. BUT DON't give me attitude when you don't respond to my hi/bonjour/soir and when I have to decide which language to speak to you in myself. Fucking english people get mad at me for speaking french to them and likewise with french people. Most people who come to my pharmaprix are english cuz it's ndg but like some people are french and I really don't care which one I speak at the cash. This one guy tonight was such a prick, he ... wait what did he say again? Oh ya I was speaking to someone in english and then he was next and said hi so ya ... ok i'm gonna choose english. He asked if I could respond to him in french and i said oui and then I spoke french to him and then he was...

FINALLY!!! This site wasn't working for some reason and I was going crazy because I am dying to post about what I forgot to post about yesterday. On May 21st I am leaving (on a jet plane) ;) where I will be landing in Germany, spending the day, then moving on to Jordan, spending a week or more, then going to Egypt (SOO EXCITED!), staying a week, landing back in Germany and then getting back home on the 11th of June. The plane tickets are reserved, it's happening for real! MAN!!! I've never been on a plane, let alone off this continent!1 SOOOO EXCITED!!! 2 continents ahhhh!!! I'm going with Jess and her family, oh man am I excited. Just hope all the political situations are alright and that I can act properly whereever I go so I don't get in trouble or whatever.

Gotta love those endorphines! I was feeling alright today, but not that great. Since I had to leave Jesse kinda early today I was like :( And then I have 3 classes back to back (thought it was a good idea when i made my schedule) and it's a little rough. And I didn't have anything to eat besides a bagel so I was kinda just like blah. So i got home, dropped my stuff off with Sarah and went to the gym. Cardio latino was happening and i tried it for the first time. IT WAS AWESOME! it's like latino dancing mixed with aerobics but more dancing. Oh man... it was really really fun. Besides Sarah being there, a girl i used to work with at pharmaprix was there and my old student teacher from highschool (miss michy for anyone from marymount reading). We were all dancing together and making fools out of ourselves and it was great! Plus I learned some new moves that I'm pretty sure I could use on the dance floor. And the instructor is sooooo cute and smiley and encouraging. Anyw...

Inspired I went to my stage this morning, I really love it. If I would compare how I feel when I am there to how I feel while working at pharmaprix... wow. I think I would actually look forward to going to work if it was what I am doing now with my stage. Maybe that's a sign of what I should do for a profession. A teacher for the hearing impaired... why not? Hmm well I'm going to continue my stage and I think my degree in social work and then who knows... maybe i'll get a degree in education or maybe I'll go on for a masters in social work... I have to really think about it. What I really wanted to write about was the movie i just watched. I know a lot of movies can make me cry if they are sad but this one had me crying cuz I was so moved by it and happy for the kids in it and their parents. It was from the mtl oral school for the deaf and it showed children who were severely deaf and whose doctors and stuff said that they would not hear or speak ever. And then it...

Sometimes you can't make it on your own good song by U2, listen to it.

"I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time. " I just watched Joan of Arcadia. I know it is a little sad how I always talk about it but I really love that show. She is supposed to be playing a girl in highschool but I can relate so well to everything. Sometimes I think i am really like her or she is really like me but I suppose everyone can feel that way and I'm probably not actually like her. Anyways... I want to be closer to people, only I don't know who. Maybe it's too late. I want that bond you have between siblings and since I'm an only child, that is pretty hard to achieve. I want people who get to see my best and my worst and me theirs. I want people to really really love and people to also get into really bad, awful, terrible arguments with. I have close friends, people who have known me since I was pretty small but they do not truly truly know me. I think you have to live with someone to really know them, at least the way I want to know a ...

I dislike my posts lately. I feels like I used to have so much more to write about, so much more opinions to share and so much more that I wanted to think about and go over. Lately, I feel that all my posts have been pretty meaningless. Maybe soon I'll get back into the old swing of things... I had my second official day of classes today. I'm taking five courses again and they are : Intro to practicum (social work with the 4 hour stage), legal problems of the poor (social work), Anthropology of development (focuses on india, indonesia and costa rica mainly), intro to psychological statistics, and introduction to the history of africa. They all seem to involve a lot of reading but most of them do not involve papers. In a way i am happy about this because with social work, i have enough papers and last semester I really had papers coming out my ass. All of them except one seem like they will be a lot of reading. Now the one that doesn't seem like a lot of reading is kind o...

So today was my first day back at school. This class I have on wednesdays is pretty kool, it's like a little group section. My social work class is divided into three smaller groups and we are going to do role playing and stuff like that. We have to learn how to do interviews and all that stuff so I guess we practice on each other. I have to write a 12-15 page paper for that class though and that I'm not too happy about but whatever. I took my little cousin to see the Sponge Bob SquarePants movie today, it was pretty funny. Guess what the princess' name was? Yep, that's right, it was Princess Mindy!!! I'm finally a princess even though I have black hair and glasses. hehe We can't have everything, right? Tomorrow I have three classes in a row, oh boy... Wonder how they will be. I bought one freaking book so far and it already cost me 90$. Grrr!

Lethargic... That's the perfect word to describe how I've been feeling. School starts tomorrow. I have to wake up at 7... ugggh. At least I finish at 10:30. After I have to go to the bank to pay my tuition and then pick up my two new pairs of glasses. I'm not even sure if they look nice but I just didn't feel like shopping around anymore. The place with the pair i really liked was closed but where I went I ended up getting two pairs for less then it would have cost for the one. So meehh. One of them is pink tho so that's pretty funky. I'll take a cam pic if I can figure out how to work my cam. That's why i've had this old one up forever, I don't know how to make it jpg after i take it instead of uhhh whatever the other one is. Man I'm bloody tired.

Wow, days like these are so weird. It's like all the life is drained from me. I have absolutely zero energy. I was going to do all these things tonight like: watch a movie, play nintendo, read, clean my room and yadda yadda, but I'm toooo tired for anything. I took a bath and read and I think that just made me more tired. Should have known that one but it was very relaxing and I like doing that. I looked around my room and did the most superficial cleaning of my life. I'll have to try to fix up my room tomorrow or something. God, I might just go to bed now at 9 30... I feel so lifeless.