Suicidal Girl
Today's class was a little strange. My wednesday class is one devoted to practicum so it's mainly about role playing situations that we, as social workers, could be likely to see. Anywho, today's main topic was suicide. How to deal with people who are thinking about it, what to do when someone talks about it, what are our legal obligation and so one and so forth. So the teacher asks first, who has had suicide touch their lives. I put my hand up and then I look around and there are only like one or two other people with their hands up. So right, whatever... everyone looks at you wondering what's happened and blah blah. For some reason I get this feeling that people are thinking it's me who has really thought about suicide in the past and stuff. I'm not sure why. BUT then the teacher like gets me to role play this situation with her. So basically she is the social worker and I am the person who would like to kill myself. So, I try to put myself in that role and I'm talking like I really do want to end my life and I could feel people kinda like thinking "hmm is this really what she wants to do?". Maybe I'm paranoid but anyways. So ya I'm talking about suicide and I think the teacher expected me to just say like Ohh I have too many problems. I can't deal with them and so I want to die. But I was like "well I've been considering this option for a while now and I've weighted everything out and after carefully thinking, I realize that this world isn't a place i want to be and I feel that I would be better off not here". SO then you could tell she didn't really know how to respond to that and it was funny because she said "well as your friend, i wouldn't like to see you do that" and the whole class kinda was like WOAH you just said as a friend. And then the teacher how to say oh, yes , I shoudln't have said that as a professional and blah balh. So then i had to continue the role play even though i tried to explain that like it's hard to play a role that I don't exactly hold because I can't explain really how someone else would see it but then everyone was like WELL that's the point of a role play so i just continued as best as I could. And i told the teacher well "social worker" that I appreciate her concern but that if commiting suicide is what would make me happy then she should keep my best interest in mind and not think about how it will affect her because this is about me and not her and then she totally didn't have anything to say except for " well you are right that this isn't about me but... " And it kind of ended there like i felt really unsatisfied that we didn't get to the bottom of anythign. Because what if someone does really want to kill themselves... Who are we to say that they shouldn't be allowed and what happens if if we do agree with them.. are we allowed to? You know... like if someone totally has their wits about them and just doesn't want to live, why do we have to try to convince them otherwise at all cost. I mean I feel life is important but someone's life is just that, their life. So the class instead started to talk about assisted suicide and blah blah and we never really dealt with the issue of whether we can accept that someone wants to take their life or not. Some people were just like "well if someone wants to commit suidcide, i would call emergency right away" and blah blah but like... arg i dunno. People looked at me kind of strangely when i was playing the role also... I dunno I felt kinda like saying "by the way... I'm not going home to kill myself today , thanks".
So besides that class... today I'm gonna try to get all my homework of the week done because I don't have much other time. Tomorrow I'm going to a concert with Jesse, friday I'm going to the urologist and then seeing Jesse, Katie and Marc (jesse's best friend) oh also going to class in the morning, saturday i'm working 2-10 and sunday I'm pretty sure I'm going to be working also. So good luck to me for today. Argg... you know when you smoke weed and then you get that like pasty feeling in your mouth? I have that and it's driving me nuts!! (no i didn't smoke weed... I'm just sick) grr.
Today's class was a little strange. My wednesday class is one devoted to practicum so it's mainly about role playing situations that we, as social workers, could be likely to see. Anywho, today's main topic was suicide. How to deal with people who are thinking about it, what to do when someone talks about it, what are our legal obligation and so one and so forth. So the teacher asks first, who has had suicide touch their lives. I put my hand up and then I look around and there are only like one or two other people with their hands up. So right, whatever... everyone looks at you wondering what's happened and blah blah. For some reason I get this feeling that people are thinking it's me who has really thought about suicide in the past and stuff. I'm not sure why. BUT then the teacher like gets me to role play this situation with her. So basically she is the social worker and I am the person who would like to kill myself. So, I try to put myself in that role and I'm talking like I really do want to end my life and I could feel people kinda like thinking "hmm is this really what she wants to do?". Maybe I'm paranoid but anyways. So ya I'm talking about suicide and I think the teacher expected me to just say like Ohh I have too many problems. I can't deal with them and so I want to die. But I was like "well I've been considering this option for a while now and I've weighted everything out and after carefully thinking, I realize that this world isn't a place i want to be and I feel that I would be better off not here". SO then you could tell she didn't really know how to respond to that and it was funny because she said "well as your friend, i wouldn't like to see you do that" and the whole class kinda was like WOAH you just said as a friend. And then the teacher how to say oh, yes , I shoudln't have said that as a professional and blah balh. So then i had to continue the role play even though i tried to explain that like it's hard to play a role that I don't exactly hold because I can't explain really how someone else would see it but then everyone was like WELL that's the point of a role play so i just continued as best as I could. And i told the teacher well "social worker" that I appreciate her concern but that if commiting suicide is what would make me happy then she should keep my best interest in mind and not think about how it will affect her because this is about me and not her and then she totally didn't have anything to say except for " well you are right that this isn't about me but... " And it kind of ended there like i felt really unsatisfied that we didn't get to the bottom of anythign. Because what if someone does really want to kill themselves... Who are we to say that they shouldn't be allowed and what happens if if we do agree with them.. are we allowed to? You know... like if someone totally has their wits about them and just doesn't want to live, why do we have to try to convince them otherwise at all cost. I mean I feel life is important but someone's life is just that, their life. So the class instead started to talk about assisted suicide and blah blah and we never really dealt with the issue of whether we can accept that someone wants to take their life or not. Some people were just like "well if someone wants to commit suidcide, i would call emergency right away" and blah blah but like... arg i dunno. People looked at me kind of strangely when i was playing the role also... I dunno I felt kinda like saying "by the way... I'm not going home to kill myself today , thanks".
So besides that class... today I'm gonna try to get all my homework of the week done because I don't have much other time. Tomorrow I'm going to a concert with Jesse, friday I'm going to the urologist and then seeing Jesse, Katie and Marc (jesse's best friend) oh also going to class in the morning, saturday i'm working 2-10 and sunday I'm pretty sure I'm going to be working also. So good luck to me for today. Argg... you know when you smoke weed and then you get that like pasty feeling in your mouth? I have that and it's driving me nuts!! (no i didn't smoke weed... I'm just sick) grr.
Comments