The Last Day of Summer

Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone superman's dead? So I am just thinking that if this idea of soulmates and a real kind of everlasting love between two people does not exist then I am just living under and for false pretenses. I am really in pain about something and I am not sure what it is. First of all, I'm not sure if it is real to begin with because I just got off of the pill and I am sure that all of my hormones are out of whack. But whenever i just have time to stop and think, I feel bad. I mean sometimes I am happy, and genuinely so, but this feeling just always comes back. Is it because my relationship with Chris is over? I guess that is probably it, or at least a big part of it. I know that it is the right decision so it is not doubt that is causing me pain. Maybe it is just that I wanted to bad so find that everlasting kind of love and it is just further proof that I did not and maybe cannot. I guess I am worried about never being able to find it... or i...

It is just dragging on. and on. and on.

A Long December (u know what i mean... january) So i am LOVING school this semester. How crazy is that? I haven't loved school in a really long time. What am I not loving tho? My home situation... gawd damn it doesn't even feel like my home anymore. And it is so hard because ultimately I just want him to leave but I feel also like I don't want to hurt him as much as I can help it. Who would stay tho? It's kinda weird. I understand that he wants to save the friendship... but I think time is needed there before we can before friends, let alone close friends. I am tired of dealing with the situation. I told him last nite that he really has to get himself in gear and get out as soon as he can. He said that he would get stuff done today, including telling his parents that we are no longer together. geez it's been almost a month and he still hasn't told him. I know he isn't close with his family, or at least not as close as I am with mine, but still... he sho...

woah there is some female usher on tv, kool! I feel better today all of a sudden. I was feeling kinda crappy all day. I might win my fight against getting sick, we'll see. So my classes seem like they are going to be good this summer, but they also seem like a lot of work. I have to get working on my presentation that is already due next week, crazy huh? I'm feeling alright tho. Best when I am not at home, but that will all be good soon. :)

I just want to rant a little bit. Not to anyone in particular but just for my own sanity. Ok so i was dishes and he was laundry. There are sooo many piles of laundry around that I want to scream. I have always done the dishes. Now he isn't even rinsing his food off like not at all. There has been a plate of pasta sitting on the kitchen table for days. Along with dishes he feeds Hoju with all over the bloody floor. He hasn't bought Hoju food yet and he is just feeding him my food. Like my rice. I mean I don't mind, but I know he isn't going to replace it. He hasn't paid any of the bills... which some are way overdue.. and why should he? He is not in a rush... they are all under my name anyways. He told me the other nite I better not end up with like a super responsible, always bills paid and records kept kinda guy... but fuck... it has to be better than this. last nite he was supposed to be working and he was just sprawled on the couch on my laptop. I wanted some fri...

sometimes 10 days just seems like a long time!!

I can't even begin to express how happy I am. At least today and with the way things went last nite. Seriously, if I got my best friend back it would be the greatest gift I have ever received. It is so weird the way things go but I love it. well most of the time i love it, sometimes it really hurts. at least in the moment and for a long enough while afterwards. wow... I have all these hopes invested. all these hopes from the past. and all these hopes about the future. I don't know if it could ever go back to the way it was, but I will take anything close to that at this point. hell, maybe it will even be better if that is possible. It made me start to write again. I haven't felt motivated enough in a long time. it has all been forced for a while. Konstantine Something Corporate I can't imagine all the people that you know And the places that you go When the lights are turned down low And I don't understand all the things you've seen But I'm slipping in-betw...