The Last Day of Summer

brr I am so cold that I can practically feel icy fingers edging their way slowly up my spine. Stupid metro accidents... don't know what happened exactly but I had to walk from lionel groulx to school and I don't think i've warmed up since. Had soup for lunch but then i had to go back out to st monica's to see if I could volunteer there. Just my luck that the principal wasn't there and that i have to wait till next monday to call. The secretary wrote the principal's name on a paper and I can't even read her stupid writing so I'm not sure who to ask for when I call. Tonight had better be fun. I'm for really gonna take a shot of something in hopes that it'll do the trick to warm me up. I forget what my aunt always used to joke about... is it whiskey that does it? What do most homeless people choose? *shiver* I have other things I could rant and rave about but for now the cold is at the top of my list. I'm sooo gonna have a good time ...

It changed again! Just like that... 4 hours later. I hate it. :*( I'm alright though. (music note) Some things in this world man they don't make sense (musical note) I wanna weep for everything that is wrong in the world. The next world has got to be damn better.... at least if you deserve it to be.

And so it goes Would someone like to take a guess at how I am feeling today? Well the answer is happy. For which reasons? I couldn't tell you. My mood really fluctuates from one day to the next. I hope I don't have some sort of psychological disorder. Well either way, I'll deal with it. Next week I have to go and get the results of my blood test. What do you think it'll be : anemia, diabetes, thyroid problem.... me dying in a month? Last one is an exaggeration most likely but you never know. I think that if i was going to die in a month I would want to know. How about you guys? My granny said that she wouldn't want to know but I really really would. It kind of feels like i've been preparing for it for the past little while. I know that sounds morbid... I'm sorry. Call it my dark sense of humour. I always feel so much better after helping the girl with her homework. I'm not sure why. I guess kids just give off that happy contagious vibe. There ...

People are so fucking self-centered. That is all I have to say tonight.

It feels good I'm not quite sure why but lately I am feeling happy. Must be those books that Sarah keeps lending me ;) I swear they are like a drug that I am now addicted to. Too bad I'm no where near as groovy as Anita Blake. Anywho school has started back up and I have all these papers and projects to get working on. When to find the time. I also have to get started with hooking up a place to do my stage and then actually doing it. I'm hoping for St. Monica's just because it is so close. None of the teachers that I used to like are there anymore but it is damn close to my house. Tomorrow I think that I am going to see a movie with Carlos. I've been dying to see 21 grams and mystic river for a while now along with about 5 or 6 others. I'm such a movie freak. Right... well i'm off to take my shower before I laugh at some people on american idol and am astonished by others. Damn I wish that I could sing. heh... maybe if i keep practicing with my Ka...

Hopeful So although I didn't do very much this weekend for a few reasons, I got myself to write. I always feel as if I have accomplished something if I can get a poem down and still want to read it by the time I am finished writing it. I like the one I just finished... at least I do for now. Today I really wanted to go see a movie but no one seemed interested. At least I got out this morning and went shopping. Heh I was supposed to buy a winter jacket but of course I got other things instead. I really need a jacket though, my current one is falling apart. So I got a long black skirt, a dark red button shirt and another dark green one. I think I am slowly stumbling upon the style that I like. Oh yeah so I have this goal of losing 20 pounds... heh it isn't working yet. I'm not quite sure where 20 pounds is gonna come off from but I can always try. My granny and aunt really aren't helping though. Cheesecake brownies and Chalet B.B.Q. for supper at 8 pm... i me...

Baby, baby, baby When all your love is gone, Who will save me From all I'm up against out in this world? I got a hole in me now I got a scar I can talk about Some things in this world, man, they don't make sense Some things you don't need until they leave you... They're the things that you miss For God's sake, turn around I'm really liking that song at the moment. Had school today, wasn't really a point to going to the class because we didn't do anything. The movie we were supposed to watch didn't work. Sat with people that I'm not really friends with but more of less pretend to be. Something about them all just really pisses me off. Like you can tell when people don't really give a shit about you or at least I think that I can. Meh... then i was supposed to go to the bookstore but I decided to screw the idea since the line was huge. That homework can wait till next week anyways. On the plus side of everything...

Quick little update Hmmm so I got into the gym with Katie and Sarah. Yay! I'm all happy now. We get to go up north for a weekend and it will be hella fun (at least i hope so). Lots of homework for the intensive gym but we are all gonna do it together. Woo hoo. What's next? My classes are turning out to be pretty kool. I get to read Alice in Wonderland and Winnie the pooh among others. My abnormal psych. class is amazing, the teacher is super interesting BUT I can't borrow Katie's book because I don't think it is the same. What's else? I'm really really super tired. Trying to get back into the swing of things and waking up early. I have to go help Jessica with her homework again today. I actually don't mind it at all... just the walk is long and cold in the winter. Anything else? Not that I can think of at the moment. But, if anything... i'll keep you posted.

Some Things in this World man they don't Make Sense That pretty much sums up everything. I love when you can actually relate to specific lyrics of a song. Guess everyone can relate to that but I feel as if I especially can. Moving on... So I'm thinking of bottling my scent. A la Mindy ... for people who like attracting the stinky, the strange, and most of all the psychos (damn that word for starting with a p). What do you think? Am I on to something. I haven't narrowed it down exactly as of yet. I'm guessing that scent is somehow a part of it though... First day of school today... one class and it was basically cancelled because of a fire drill. Interesting start to my last semester. I do feel a change coming on. The thing is, I'm not sure if it is a good one or a not-so-good one. Guess you'll all have to stay tooned to find out. After these messages we'll be right back. ;)

IT used to be so easy... I can't post about what i really want to post about. I just can't. It is too hard and too personal. Man i don't want to have to deal with this situation. I am freaked out and everything else. I guess it is good to have warnings but man it must be serious. How is he ever going to understand that though... I don't feel well... My stomach is all screwed around.

Oh no I have a really strange quality I just noticed about myself last night. I either do not talk at all or I talk waaay to much. It's like I'll be mute for an hour or two and then all of a sudden BANG, you just can't get me to shut up and I can't get myself to shut up either... Wonder if anyone else is like that or if I'm just really THAT special.

Maybe this can help someone else? So i actually remembered a dream from last night. Only because my granny was talking about the O.C. and said the name Ryan. So for some reason I was with Kevin and Lee at their house and we were all just talking. Somehow one of them miss placed 10 000.00 dollars. So I had to leave but before I did, Lee handed me a peach stick of gum and a note. I was chewing gum through out the whole dream... although I'm not sure if that matters. Anyways so I have the note in my hand and I'm walking home alone in winter. I'm going toward my house through st monica's church path and near the elementary school. I look at the note finally and on the cover it says "Rian Died" I'm not sure if it was spelled Rian or Ryan. But I open the note and it tells me to go and talk to (i forget the freaking name... the most important part) but anyways I have to go and see him because he can explain everything. I remember it was a guy at least. ...

i don't know what to say I just hate it and I guess that is all that I can say. I hate the way that things are and I hate the way that they have to be.

I'm just an awkward kid (view cam pic for proof) So I saw "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" today with Laur . It was so so... meh, nothing spectacular. The only thing is that the main character chick reminded me of myself. Taking the retainer out at the table and yadda yadda. heh kinda funny. On the way home I saw this guy who looked like someone I knew. I tried asking Laurie if it was Jay but she didn't know, she even said "I don't think so". So i'm just like alright i'll walk by and see if anyone says hi and if not then it isn't him. BUt of course no one says hi and so i look up at the exact time he looks at me.... I crack up and just keep walking. Laur is all laughing at me and i feel like a big idiot. He is with his girlfriend that i didn't know he has and so i just felt really awkward. I'm sure my face was super red when he came over and spoke to me. ARgg.. if it was someone else I would have died of laughter but i just felt ...

Bleh The word just about sums up my day. Now I have a stomach ache. Just dandy.

Let's go for the record hmmm so where should I start? I had a doctor's appointment today at the general to see the specialist (rheumatologist) about my knee that has been screwed up since god knows when. I see the doctor and I have two options.... get my knee drained and injected with cortozone (can't spell) or try to go on pills that may not work which i'll end up needed the shot afterwards anyways. So i asked if it was painful and the doctor said "I'm not going to lie to you and say it isn't but it gives fastest results" so yep I went for option 1. Had a blood test yesterday so I figured why not? maybe i'll actually faint this time. So he tells me there is water on my knee which i have to get sucked out first with a needle and then he has to do the cortozone. He tells me to take a deep breathe and sticks it in. Yeah ok it picked but whatever I was living. THen he says he just has to go a little deeper and wow that hurt but nothing unbarea...

Uggghh So I just had my blood test a little while ago. It wasn't even that bad... the dread that escalated before my number was called was pretty funny though. I told my granny that I was going to run away right before they called my number but unfortunetely I didn't :(. I also told her if she heard a big thump on the floor that it would be my body hitting the ground after I've passed out. hah... i wasn't being serious though ... The scary thing is what happened afterward. I have these umm I guess you could call them spells where I feel as if I am about to faint for real. I've only actually fainted once at my friend Katie's house but I know the feeling. I haven't had it that much but once's at this guy steve's house and then once when I went rollerblading with laurie. This time was a little worse though because not only did my hearing go all funny but my vision actually blurred. That has never happened to me before. I tried to walk home but I j...

The Promise of Tomorrow So I'm going to hang out with John tomorrow which should be fun BUT before I get to do that, I have to get a blood test. I'm sure it is about my 50th one... I hope it isn't a lot of viles and even more than that I hope they no one will tell me that I am dying. I always feel like I might be dying. :( Friends are a difficult issue lately. I don't think I will even tip my toes into the pool on this subject but let's just say that I expected more. A lot more... Maybe I deluded myself somehow. Red and black are the colors that I like best together. They are my new thing for clothes and other stuff. Just thought I'd share that. I'm talking to two people online a lot more and it's pretty fun. Wonder what is gonna happen. This week I am seeing two movies in the theatre. umm Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (free pass thanks to Katie) and Big Fish. I hope they are both awesome. Tomorrow I think that I'm getting to watch Alm...

The Last Semester of CEGEP Ok tell me if you guys can see this: My Schedule Anyways I'm just gonna explain real quick... although mondays and wednesdays do suck... the IS isn't everyday and neither is the gym... so all and all it is an ok schedule. Tue, Thurs, and Fri make me very happy :)

It's a Beautiful Day Alright so maybe it isn't so beautiful outside because it is sooo cold but at least it is almost beautiful in my room. Katie came over last night and we spent over 10 hours getting rid of old stuff and rearranging my room. It is pretty nice now and I'm all excited... too bad I don't have before and after pics for ppl to look at. But it still is far from finished anyways. My walls are practically bare because we took down all the stuff that was up on them. I'm happy about the new theme that will be the decor of my room, it really suits me fine. I want to just go lie on my bed and gaze around my room studying it. I've come to the conclusion that the internet is a damn boring waste of time. I mean sure it is nice to chat with people at times and to write like this but it is so much better seeing people in person and getting out and doing things. It would be nicer to meet all of these people in real life than just through some website t...

All I have to say is Hahahah- ha - ha!

Cranium So I'm finally going to get to have a real game tonight. I'm going to Katie's house and she, Sarah, Melissa, and I are all going to play. Woo Hoo! I've decided I'm not going to comment in my own comments anymore because I always come back and think someone new has commented and then it is just me. So I'll just stop. I would like to get a links page back up again. I had a bunch of kool ones before and they all just disappeared. :( I don't know why but I notice that people like to mention people that I have liked to do like to me often. Like this one girl knew I used to like this dude and she would always have to make it a point to tell me when they spoke on the phone or when she saw him or blah blah. I mean I guess it isn't that big of a deal but it is a little annoying. Like I don't care how much you've come in contact with the guy I like... just screw off. Ok well slight exaggeration but you know... I don't want to hear abo...

I won't speak so soon next time Last night was extremely terrible. So much for meeting guys or even having a fun time for that matter. If holding up people who drank too much and watching your friends pass out and look like they are dead is someone's idea of fun well then ya... I had the best time imaginable. I don't know how people let themselves get so messed up but it was damn scary. Kelly was unconscious and not responding to anything. I wanted to put swear words in it because it emphasizes things so much in my head but I should be able to write without them... anyways back to the story. While worrying about Kelly living or dying... I had to chase after Laur who was so drunk that she couldn't come to terms with what was really going on. She almost passed out several times after and I was so scared. God... i was really on the verge of panicing. Like I know some parts of the night were funny (ie Laur almost puking on the cute dude from the metro) but overall i...

So here goes I actually dressed up somewhat tonight. I don't have shoes though so my running ones will have to work. Oh well. I went for a reddish vampish theme lol Surprise suprise. I don't look freaky or anything though. Oh well heh. Umm So yeah I'm going out with a few girls tonight and we'll see what happens. I better meet some nice dudes or else I'm gonna be disappointed. All i'm hoping for is a good time. Fridays are good days.

Some Plans I'm in love with this layout... man that movie is hot stuff. But anyways, I hope everyone had a good New Year's Eve. I got a freaky e-mail from a friend who was with a girl who got something slipped in her drink so you people watch out! Eek mc Greek. I just stayed in with Katie which is maybe a very good thing. We rented Kingdom Hearts and played, that game is wicked btw. Hehehe we also tried to make "special" cookies. ;) Didn't work but there is always a next time, right? Or at least we can hope that there is. I wanna really get out and meet some new people soon. Too bad Laur and Michelle and others went out tonight because I would have liked to go but I was busy tonight with a family dinner and stuff. Oh well, hope they meet some nice people and that no bad shit happens to them. So besides meeting new people, I am thinking of undertaking another project. I really want to change my room around. As I've been complaining... I'm getting ...