The Last Day of Summer

I can play mariokart online with people around the world and it kicks ass!!! :D

It's starting to get sunny out and I'm starting to get happy :)

Maybe I don't know what exactly it is that I want in someone. Maybe that's why I picky on a bunch of stuff. Or maybe certain thigs I want are integrale to who I am and what I value. So let's break it down on paper (well... not paper but whatever this is) What do I really want in a man: (just thought of at random) -Love -Loyalty -Honesty -Motivation -Kindness -Equal responsibility -Compatibility -Open -Spiritual/Philosophical -A beautiful soul -Patience -Empathy -Practicality -Intelligence -Likes and wants kids -Values family -Funny -Encouraging -Attractive -Few vices What do I not want in a man: -Abusive (verbally, physically, sexually, or emotionally, this is a kind of a no duh value) -Controlling -Overly jealous -Lazy -No ambitions/goals/motivation -Mean -Selfish -Arrogant I don't think this is helping. I just want a good partnership. I think that I could have it. I don't know. I'm really confused. I don't want to change anybody and I don't want to gi...

Sometimes I am paralized by this fear of failure. What if I am not a good teacher? What if I cannot pass my stage? What if all the work and planning is too much for me? I know that I do not usually fail anything, but the fear is still always there. You can even put it in a more general context. What if I don't achieve my life's purpose? What if I am not a good person/mother/wife/friend? What if I end up unhappy or make someone else unhappy? What if I am not a good driver? What if one day I do something stupid and cause an accident? I know that thinking positive and not always worrying about stuff is the key to being able to live but sometimes I just have all these doubts and worries. And I hate them. I want to be self-confident and I want to be someone who really lives. Not someone who is constantly anxious. And I'm not. I always push myself and it is rare for me to give up on anything (or anyone). I see people who appear to be super confident and assertive all of the time ...

Kings Of Leon Closer Stranded in this spooky town, Stop lights are swayin And the phone lines are down Snow is crackling cold, She took my heart, I think she took my soul With the moon I run, Far from the carnage of the firey sun Drivin' by the strangle of vain Showin' no mercy I'll do it again Open up your eyes You keep on crying, baby I'll bleed you dry Skies are beneath me I see a storm bubbling up from the sea And it's coming closer 2x You sh-sh-shock my bones, Leavin' me stranded all in love on my own What do you think of me? Where am I now, baby where do I sleep? Feels so good when I'm home 2000 years of chasing takin' it's toll

I want to write more poetry. Life gets in the way The older we get, the more Responsibilities come our way I do it all, All the work and all the reading And after that is done There is no time Especially if you have facebook No time No time to swim No time to write No time to just sit here And look out the window But i am a creator I can make time. So I will Opportunity always costs

(I will do some quality blogging soon but for now I just want to record my tutoring experiences for the paper I will have to write.) 2nd Session: Today was really wicked. I worked with 3 different students and their math homework. (I also got pulled out early and got the chance to speak with Kelly, who is the social worker coordinating the program about my own experience and hers... really kool) So the first student did not really need my help at all. If anything, he is probably better at math than I am. The only thing he needed a little help with was his place holders when multiplying with decimals. It's been a while since I've done mathematics like that without my calculator. I need to brush up a little bit. The second student I worked with was another male and he had to figure out questions about perimeter and area (more on the area). He was pretty good as well, but he needed my help a little more than the other student. There were a few places he got stuck and I thi...

This is about the tutoring I did today (mainly for a report I will have to write soon) This afternoon I helped two kids, one boy and one girl, cycle 3. Starting with the girl (manisha) Manisha had to work on a sheet with word problems and two pages from her math textbook. I realized that I have learned a lot about teaching math from the Van de Walle textbook, even compared to last semester. While tutoring last semester I would want to encourage children when they did something right, saying things like good job and you're right. This semester instead of praising them for doing it "right", I asked why they were doing it that way and I found that often they actually had no idea. They just thought it was the right thing to do. In fact when working with Manisha, I found that she was focused on which mathematical operation she had to use rather than really trying to understand the problem. She would read the question out loud and then ask me if she was supposed to divide, or m...

I don't mean to sound so alarming. I'm just intense. I'm a scorpio afterall. In the moment I feel things and I write from that emotional place. Things are rarely as bad the next day, or even the next hour or two later. I'm learning things and so is he I think. We're going to be okay. I half regret that I've given the link of this website out to people because sometimes I just need to get things off my chest, but that doesn't mean I want to worry people, or hurt others in the process. Writing is just my best way of thinking and of putting my ideas into some sort of logical order. OR just dealing with something that I don't feel like I can deal with in the moment. I always feel better after I write. Thanks for your comments tho, and I just wanted to say everything is okay. I'm not perfect myself and I am very critical of other people. On my own end I think that I have to lighten up a bit and not be so uptight BUT i also am not about to compromise my va...

I am so surprised, and not in a good way either. You first meet someone and you get to know them and you think that they are wonderful. And then little by little you begin to see how wrong you were. You see how much you wanted to believe in someone, how much you wanted to believe that someone was good and then you have to watch them undo everything you believed in day by day, hurtful act after hurtful act. You stop to consider how much of it could be your fault, what negative qualities you might bring to the table. But you are also self-aware and you know your values. You know that, for the most part, it isn't you. You know that you were clear about things and you know what you want. It isn't this. You wonder how things could have started out so well and now how they got to this. "you're pathetic Melinda" Am I the pathetic one? I am not the one who promised someone such a different life and then gave her exactly what I knew that she did not want. I am not the one ...