The Last Day of Summer

I had an awesome night last night at McKibbons. I'm so in love!! yay Today at work was brutal. I'm not sure if I had a bit of a hang over but I didn't feel to great. PLUS I had to endure hours of people bitching and complaining as always. AND I found out that my favorite person at work, Melinda, is quitting!!! :*( pfft! Now i'm gonna be the only Melinda, that's so sad. I thought my plans for tonight were gonna be all screwed up. But apparently everything is still on minus one. Funny how things work out, hmmph... Too bad I'm not dropping my nick's party tho. I would have liked to see him and adam (and laur and ash if they are going). Poor adam... i've barely seen or spoke with him since he's been back. :( Anywho, I hope i get to chill with Jesse, Marc and Katie another time, it was pretty fun. woo hoo for spring rolls ;) HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

Inferior They try to tell me that out of jealousy Girls sick their unralenting eyes on me But, they see what's there, they see the fraud I look at my reflection Over one hundred times per day Not because I think I am beautiful Hope has me continually searching To find beauty rushing to the surface One glimpse, one trace, one glimmer of value Day after day I'm forced to face This talentless, transparent crystal Begging to be a diamond.

Merry Christmas everyone! There is so much more that I want to write but I just don't have the energy or the strength.

A little shaken So i was cleaning my room tonight and looking at the keyboard that has been on my floor for I don't know how long. I wanted to learn, I was trying to teach myself. It's hard but i think i may have been getting somewhere and then I just didn't have time anymore. I should have found some. I want to be able to play. After the keyboard, I wanna try to learn the guitar. Anyway, so I remembered this easy book my aunt had with christmas songs. So weird the way things happen... I went to look for it in the bookcases in the hallway. It used to have a green cover, for some reason it doesn't have a cover anymore. I found it but not before I found something else. I found Suzie's old like first guitar lesson book. I already have her guitar in my room and I've been thinking about getting new strings for it. It had a paper with her writing in it. They've always told me how much I am like her in ways. Her writing is similar to mine... Some things are di...

Frode is THE BOMB!! Give him sex and presents!

Why wouldn't my eye doctor's appointment be on the coldest day of the year? So I'm off to the bank, then eye doctor and then I'm walking over to hand in my essay at mc gill (done with school now till jan 3). Days like these really do make me wanna hibernate. Maybe I'll be a bear in my next life.

Grumpy much? Wow. I was in SUCH a tired/pissy mood today. What do they expect tho when they have me work till 11pm and then starting at 8 am? Tell me?? Ya so I was a bitch today. But now I'm better because I am home and I don't have to do anything but write an essay (ya ok that sucks) and play Mario Sunshine (yay!). ok for once, I'm not in the mood to write anything so I'll just stop here.

Yuck... Well I'm going to look at these next few days as the shitty part you have to get over to get to the good stuff. I worked yesterday, I'm working today, and I'm going to work tomorrow. I also have to find time to finish my essays for greek myth in between my shifts and then Monday I forgot about it, but I have an eye doctor appointment. yay!! (sarcasm) Man, I hate going to the eye doctor. When you have to put your chin on that machine and the eye doctor puts his face really close to yours, I always burst out laughing. It's like I can't help it. I just giggle and then he usually thinks that I am crazy. But geez, it's weird. haha ok well this time I will try not to laugh. After Monday, I do not work until friday (ya, I know, New years Eve) but I'm only doing a shift from 12 to 7 AND I don't Have to work on Christmas!!! I'm so happy about that, I was really nervous that I was going to have to and that it was gonna mess up everything. But yay, I ...

I guess it's time to face it... again. My granny and aunt have been telling me how weird my great grandmother has been acting lately. I've been making excuses for it to them for a while now. Like maybe she just forgot, maybe she's lonely, maybe she just needs attention blah blah. Any excuse for why she is acting the way she is, I've tried it. Today though really confirmed it for me. Jess woke me up this morning at 10 30 and as I was hanging up the phone my great grandmother called. And i got the voice... She does this like oh my god annoying voice. Like a mock worried voice which sounds genuine until you realize she can switch it off in two seconds. ANyways so she is like Oooo did i wake up up? so i said no, my friend did. and then the voice switches ... "oh ok then , tell granny I called" so I said ok bye. Twenty minutes later , maybe not even, phone rings, i say hello. I get "Oooo did i wake you?" I'm like umm... no... I'm awake already....

I'm so scared right now. I'm not sure if I've ever been this scared without actually, well being scared. I don't even know how to make that make sense. Whenever I am in a relationship... I seem to have this little voice telling me right away that this person could be really great to know but he is not the "one". I kind of gave up on the idea of finding someone who you'll just know is perfect. I figured that you don't really have to love someone right away and that it could grow. Which it possibly could in some cases i suppose. But right now I can't find one thing about Jesse that is possible for me not to love and this really scares me. There is alway something about people, there is always a voice. And now that there isn't... well I feel lost. It is like I have this disbelief that I could have actually found someone who I could see myself being with for always... this it's not possible. Thinking that I might have is terrifying. Umm I am s...

I could be so much more than this... Man I really like this song (My Sundown- Jimmy Eat World). Anyways, all I've been doing all day is studying on and off... mostly on. I feel like I'm going to go insane any moment now. I just want school to be over with for a little while. I just wanna relax and appease my hedonistic side; it is somewhat over due. Not that I always work and study because I do not but I'm always worried about school at the very least. So once the final is over with tomorrow and then my last essay before next semester is written... I'll be free. Or freer than I feel right now. I don't work until friday so I should be able to have a good week! Tomorrow is a busy day... test, shopping with katie, gym (maybe) and jesse! We'll see who is the "marmotte". lol pfft! Maybe tuesday evenining I'm going to get the 5 little essays done, I really just don't want to have anything to do with school for a while anymore so i wanna be done wi...

And on the seventh day she studied Should I start this post with the good stuff or save the best for last? ok ok thursday night I had like the best night ever!!! And now we are officially together (ya ya I know laur is gonna brag that she knew this before I did ) If you are reading this and don't know who I am talking about then you are way outta the loop my friend. ;) Jesse is super amazing. I think I've finally gotten myself into a meaningful and good relationship. When you've just seen the person and you already miss him... it's a good sign. And now for the more trivial meaningless things... Tomorrow I have to studied my ass off because I have not begun and my final is Monday... Tonight at work some woman pitched a real fit at Chris... It was funny once I knew it wasn't me that she was going to yell at. Umm, some dude came to my cash tonight and like I didn't really look at his face cuz sometimes I'm just in my own world but like the way he spok...

Gym high? I went to the gym today and worked about for almost 1 1/2 I guess. I personally think the the trainer was trying to kill me, but in a subtle sorta way. Oh boy! The program he designed for me is nuts! Maybe I am out of shape at the moment but it is still nuts. If I follow it through tho... I'm gonna be like super girl in a couple of months. I have to do SQUATS! Do you know how funny someone looks (well especially me) doing squats? Oh man... and with a bar or weights. Nuts I tell you. Then were is all this machine stuff for my arms Oh AND i thought I was all good with my abs cuz i do sit ups sometimes and so he asked "3 x how many reps?" and i said 50! I'm such an idiot! hahah he does like torture ab workout. I have to put this like massive ball between my legs (ya ya i know that sounds funny) and like put my legs out straight and lift the ball up and down up and down ... bringing my legs to like 90 deg. then back down but never really touching the floor....

SOOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEE! i just got back from my interview for my stage placement next semester and the interview started at 9 am. (it's now past 1 pm) I got to actually start today. It was awesome! So I am working at the Montreal Oral School for the Deaf in the Daycare with 3 & 4 year olds! It is a really good experience. Some kids are hearing, some having hearing aids and some have coccular implants (operation where a device after that stays on your head like a magnet and you can hear). I got to sing with them, read stories, play outside (one girl kept trying to run me over with her little bike, she's pretty funny), help them with their snack and then taking off all their winter clothes. I think that I am going to really enjoy working there and helping them out. The teacher, Lee, was telling me that they really need people to help out. Maybe I'll even do it after my stage is finished. Hmmm see now I am little bit worried. I really liked ...

A little while no post. well classes are finished now, only two finals and one essay to worry about now. That's not even my main thought now tho. My main one is that I hope things will work out between myself and the person that I really do like. i'm sure you all know who that is by now ;)