OK two things I've been thinking about lately:
1. Should I have gone to med school and became a doctor?
2. What happened to my self-confidence?
The first one is sort of always there... I'm not sure how much of it is me though and how much of it is expections (or proving people wrong) that I want to live up to. My horoscope even told me that other day that I'd make a good doctor; it's like the idea is everywhere. I know I'm terrible with blood and guts but maybe you get used to that.. or if you are a gp, you don't really deal with the blood and guts. SO I don't know. It feels like something I just want to do... go to med school. Not so much be a doctor but just go through med school... pretty weird.
The next question is really bothering me. I was always a little shy but I always knew that I was good and that I was worth a lot. Lately, I'm questioning that... I do not know the reasons why but I feel insecure a lot of the time now. Insecure and nervous... It's really strange. I don't really want to type about this and tell the world but maybe other people feel the same sometimes and that would be comforting to know. Maybe winter just depressed the fuck out of me and things will all pick up soon. School is almost finished, last class wednesday and then exam will be done shortly after (man i'm happy about that). I had my last day of stage today and the kids and teachers gave me a little gift. It was really sweet, I got a class picture and some pretty little note paper. I didn't expect to get a present at all.... ok back to my dilemma though. I've been trying to change it and find myself again but i'm having a hard time. Whenever I catch myself using negative self talk or thinking not in a good way, I try to correct it and not be like that... This is just really strange for me, I never had this problem before. I don't know why it's starting and I don't know how to make it go away. I think it might have to do with thinking too much. I used to have opinions and know what I thought was right/wrong, good/bad and now, I always have to think so mucha bout my actions and why things are like that and i think it's getting to the point where it is debilitating. I'll try to think of an example... meh ok i can't at the moment but there should be plenty. Just ok, say I have a thought, i won't want to voice it until I think all about it and whether or not I am absolutely right. It's getting rediculous. You know what? Maybe I just need time to myself. Time that I am not doing school work, time that I'm not working, time that I'm not worrying about which of my friends i'm not giving enough time to or seeing/speaking to often enough, time when I'm not calling for interviews and worrying about my stage (past and one for next year). Just time to play nintendo, to read books (that are of my choice to read, not for school), to lie in the sun, to swim and/or play soccer, to write poems, to dance...etc etc. Ya I think that might be just what I need.
1. Should I have gone to med school and became a doctor?
2. What happened to my self-confidence?
The first one is sort of always there... I'm not sure how much of it is me though and how much of it is expections (or proving people wrong) that I want to live up to. My horoscope even told me that other day that I'd make a good doctor; it's like the idea is everywhere. I know I'm terrible with blood and guts but maybe you get used to that.. or if you are a gp, you don't really deal with the blood and guts. SO I don't know. It feels like something I just want to do... go to med school. Not so much be a doctor but just go through med school... pretty weird.
The next question is really bothering me. I was always a little shy but I always knew that I was good and that I was worth a lot. Lately, I'm questioning that... I do not know the reasons why but I feel insecure a lot of the time now. Insecure and nervous... It's really strange. I don't really want to type about this and tell the world but maybe other people feel the same sometimes and that would be comforting to know. Maybe winter just depressed the fuck out of me and things will all pick up soon. School is almost finished, last class wednesday and then exam will be done shortly after (man i'm happy about that). I had my last day of stage today and the kids and teachers gave me a little gift. It was really sweet, I got a class picture and some pretty little note paper. I didn't expect to get a present at all.... ok back to my dilemma though. I've been trying to change it and find myself again but i'm having a hard time. Whenever I catch myself using negative self talk or thinking not in a good way, I try to correct it and not be like that... This is just really strange for me, I never had this problem before. I don't know why it's starting and I don't know how to make it go away. I think it might have to do with thinking too much. I used to have opinions and know what I thought was right/wrong, good/bad and now, I always have to think so mucha bout my actions and why things are like that and i think it's getting to the point where it is debilitating. I'll try to think of an example... meh ok i can't at the moment but there should be plenty. Just ok, say I have a thought, i won't want to voice it until I think all about it and whether or not I am absolutely right. It's getting rediculous. You know what? Maybe I just need time to myself. Time that I am not doing school work, time that I'm not working, time that I'm not worrying about which of my friends i'm not giving enough time to or seeing/speaking to often enough, time when I'm not calling for interviews and worrying about my stage (past and one for next year). Just time to play nintendo, to read books (that are of my choice to read, not for school), to lie in the sun, to swim and/or play soccer, to write poems, to dance...etc etc. Ya I think that might be just what I need.
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