I would be happy just to hold the hands I love (song for a winter's night)
There is sooo much going on in my head tonight. Soo much and strangely, i don't have the urge to write it all down. Well I do, but just not here. I'm going crazy without a real journal to write in, really crazy. I have the one from my aunt but it looks too beautiful and magickal to write anything less than perfect in. Sarah said she might give me one so that's super kool, if not i'm gonna need to go buy one asap.
Is jealousy a demon or a sign of true love or perhaps both? I never considered myself a jealous person, in fact I always detested jealousy. The thing is, I think it's because I never really had a reason to feel it. Maybe I was just arrogant but I always felt like I was worth enough and had enough to offer that I had no need be jealous. I might have had it all wrong, jealousy probably isn't about that. Maybe I just never really really cared about someone enough to let myself become jealous or scared of everything that could happen. Sarah said something really interesting tonight about how jealousy is actually a sign of love and well something else but she said it better and I can't do justice to what she said so Im not going to try. That could be right. Only i don't know jealousy is even what I feel in the first place maybe it's somethign else. What if I am really the most jealous person of them all which is what my horoscope sign has been telling me forever. I don't want to hate myself. ... or anyone else. Incoherant babbling again, I'm getting really good at this. See, this is why i need my real journal becuase in there i can babble all i want and then come here or go there and actually make some sense.
Another thing, oh bugger, i had it. Oh ya.. I think lately maybe I've been trying too hard. I don't know what I've been trying to be or what I've been trying to prove. But I think I;ve lost sight of myself. And now I have to bring it back. Of course there is the tiny problem about still not being sure of exactly who i am but I think that is maybe a part of what makes me who i am. I am not sure. and I am still growing and changing.
And like that the jealousy feeling fades away.
I'm a rare breed, that's for sure.
(from the Queen of land No Proper Punctuation)
There is sooo much going on in my head tonight. Soo much and strangely, i don't have the urge to write it all down. Well I do, but just not here. I'm going crazy without a real journal to write in, really crazy. I have the one from my aunt but it looks too beautiful and magickal to write anything less than perfect in. Sarah said she might give me one so that's super kool, if not i'm gonna need to go buy one asap.
Is jealousy a demon or a sign of true love or perhaps both? I never considered myself a jealous person, in fact I always detested jealousy. The thing is, I think it's because I never really had a reason to feel it. Maybe I was just arrogant but I always felt like I was worth enough and had enough to offer that I had no need be jealous. I might have had it all wrong, jealousy probably isn't about that. Maybe I just never really really cared about someone enough to let myself become jealous or scared of everything that could happen. Sarah said something really interesting tonight about how jealousy is actually a sign of love and well something else but she said it better and I can't do justice to what she said so Im not going to try. That could be right. Only i don't know jealousy is even what I feel in the first place maybe it's somethign else. What if I am really the most jealous person of them all which is what my horoscope sign has been telling me forever. I don't want to hate myself. ... or anyone else. Incoherant babbling again, I'm getting really good at this. See, this is why i need my real journal becuase in there i can babble all i want and then come here or go there and actually make some sense.
Another thing, oh bugger, i had it. Oh ya.. I think lately maybe I've been trying too hard. I don't know what I've been trying to be or what I've been trying to prove. But I think I;ve lost sight of myself. And now I have to bring it back. Of course there is the tiny problem about still not being sure of exactly who i am but I think that is maybe a part of what makes me who i am. I am not sure. and I am still growing and changing.
And like that the jealousy feeling fades away.
I'm a rare breed, that's for sure.
(from the Queen of land No Proper Punctuation)
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