Who am i, Who are you?
So it has always been this constant quest for me to really know who I am and to understand why I am that way. Just when I think I've got it all figured out, something comes along and makes me start from the bottom again. You know if you meet someone who really inspires you or you have a friend that you just think is awesome? Well when I meet people like that, it always makes me wonder how I come across to other people. Furthermore, it makes me wonder if I give off to other people what I think I am fundamentally all about. It would probably be good to know what exactly that is before I wonder if other people get it but I have some general ideas. I know I post a lot about this getting to know oneself topic but hey, to me it is important. I always like to hear what other people think of me because I think that allows a person to get further perspective but in a way it doesn't make you concentrate on what YOU think you are all about.
So who I am? Ok so I'm a person who tries to be strong, who tries to be good to other people and who more often than not, tries her best. I have this spiritual side that is so dear and important to me that I'm always trying to further it. (anyone can stop reading if this is boring... I'm just kinda doing this as an exercise to see who I think I am unless you are interested in the process and what to think about who you are... ooo you are more then welcome to go on about who you are in the comment part) Umm I'm also very self-critical and also self-conscious. I easily go from one extreme to the other like one day I can think I am a gift from a god and the next that I am a little turd (ok NOT to such extremes but ya) I can get caught up really easily in things that aren't so important. I think I am funny but not in a crack jokes at parties kinda way. I'm more funny just in the way I think and in the silly little things I do and that happen to me. I want to be warm and friendly which I think I usually succeed at but sometimes my shyness and my sometimes bad attitude of 'people should be the ones who want to get to know me so i shouldn't have to try to show them who i am cuz they should be able to see it' can get in the way of that. I have this unbelievable need to be different from everyone else even in some small way. uhh I'm not sure how I feel about other people depending on me because I always try to establish my independent self and sometimes I just want to be on my own. I can get tired of people easily (which is why I think I have different kinds of friends) but some people I can never get enough of. I want to be a central figure in other people's life, like have them think great things about me but at the same time I'm not sure that I give back enough to everyone to have them think that. Wow I'm being pretty brutally honest. Ya I like when people like me but I guess everyone wants other people to think they are awesome or inspiring. Some how at the same time I am humble and think that there are much better people out there than I'll ever be. OK going off a little bit... I was trying to get down to basics. THis is kinda helpful tho. I hope I don't sound like an ass. OH I'm honest... At least I try to be honest as much as possible and say what I am really thinking and feeling.
Well it turns out I do know some things about me but there is a lot more for myself to figure out and understand. I should try to do this once a week or something with new points every time.
I forgot something. I have this paranoia that people will perceive me as stupid. I dunno if it was the stereotype that 'ya you're blonde so you must be stupid' or if I just never felt confident about my abilities. But that's one thing I try to show people as much as i can that hey i'm a chick, I'm blonde and that I actually have a functioning brain. It went to such extremes that I think I almost would have gone to med school just to prove to people that I was smart. That really woudln't have been so smart tho because I probably would have ended up miserable in the end. Gotta do things for yourself, right? I guess i learned that all that matters is that you can prove to yourself that you're intellegent and capable because at the end of the day, you are the one who'll have to look yourself in the mirror. Right-o. I still worry about what people think tho or that guys will just want to get to know me so they can sleep with me and then be on their merry way. Ok that one came outta know where but that's another one of my things. heh I'm stopping for real now this time.
So it has always been this constant quest for me to really know who I am and to understand why I am that way. Just when I think I've got it all figured out, something comes along and makes me start from the bottom again. You know if you meet someone who really inspires you or you have a friend that you just think is awesome? Well when I meet people like that, it always makes me wonder how I come across to other people. Furthermore, it makes me wonder if I give off to other people what I think I am fundamentally all about. It would probably be good to know what exactly that is before I wonder if other people get it but I have some general ideas. I know I post a lot about this getting to know oneself topic but hey, to me it is important. I always like to hear what other people think of me because I think that allows a person to get further perspective but in a way it doesn't make you concentrate on what YOU think you are all about.
So who I am? Ok so I'm a person who tries to be strong, who tries to be good to other people and who more often than not, tries her best. I have this spiritual side that is so dear and important to me that I'm always trying to further it. (anyone can stop reading if this is boring... I'm just kinda doing this as an exercise to see who I think I am unless you are interested in the process and what to think about who you are... ooo you are more then welcome to go on about who you are in the comment part) Umm I'm also very self-critical and also self-conscious. I easily go from one extreme to the other like one day I can think I am a gift from a god and the next that I am a little turd (ok NOT to such extremes but ya) I can get caught up really easily in things that aren't so important. I think I am funny but not in a crack jokes at parties kinda way. I'm more funny just in the way I think and in the silly little things I do and that happen to me. I want to be warm and friendly which I think I usually succeed at but sometimes my shyness and my sometimes bad attitude of 'people should be the ones who want to get to know me so i shouldn't have to try to show them who i am cuz they should be able to see it' can get in the way of that. I have this unbelievable need to be different from everyone else even in some small way. uhh I'm not sure how I feel about other people depending on me because I always try to establish my independent self and sometimes I just want to be on my own. I can get tired of people easily (which is why I think I have different kinds of friends) but some people I can never get enough of. I want to be a central figure in other people's life, like have them think great things about me but at the same time I'm not sure that I give back enough to everyone to have them think that. Wow I'm being pretty brutally honest. Ya I like when people like me but I guess everyone wants other people to think they are awesome or inspiring. Some how at the same time I am humble and think that there are much better people out there than I'll ever be. OK going off a little bit... I was trying to get down to basics. THis is kinda helpful tho. I hope I don't sound like an ass. OH I'm honest... At least I try to be honest as much as possible and say what I am really thinking and feeling.
Well it turns out I do know some things about me but there is a lot more for myself to figure out and understand. I should try to do this once a week or something with new points every time.
I forgot something. I have this paranoia that people will perceive me as stupid. I dunno if it was the stereotype that 'ya you're blonde so you must be stupid' or if I just never felt confident about my abilities. But that's one thing I try to show people as much as i can that hey i'm a chick, I'm blonde and that I actually have a functioning brain. It went to such extremes that I think I almost would have gone to med school just to prove to people that I was smart. That really woudln't have been so smart tho because I probably would have ended up miserable in the end. Gotta do things for yourself, right? I guess i learned that all that matters is that you can prove to yourself that you're intellegent and capable because at the end of the day, you are the one who'll have to look yourself in the mirror. Right-o. I still worry about what people think tho or that guys will just want to get to know me so they can sleep with me and then be on their merry way. Ok that one came outta know where but that's another one of my things. heh I'm stopping for real now this time.
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