My Multiple Concussion Story
I got my first concussion on June 16, 2018, two weeks before my wedding. It put a bit of a damper on things, but was also a little helpful because I couldn't be stressed if I was unconscious. I had a pretty serious biking accident. We think my foot got stuck in the front wheel somehow. I flipped in the air from back to front and landed on my head and then continued skidding for a bit. I don't remember a thing. When my then fiance, Jordan, got to me, he thought I was dead. I lost consciousness multiple times. I have no recollection of the period before or the rest of the day after the accident. I was taken by ambulance to the E.R. at The Hospital of Sherbrooke, given a CT scan, and barfed bright purple cold pressed beet juice all over the floor, exorcist style. (I'm happy I don't remember that) I got stuck in a loop of asking Jordan the same four questions over and over for hours. (Poor him) Actually not poor him because he started to tell me all kinds of crazy stuff because he knew I'd forget it in the next two minutes. He told me we had a dog, five kids, and that I shit myself. (Nice, hey?) Then we'd start the whole process over a couple of minutes later and he'd change the information. That lasted for hours. I remember none of it although I still punched him when he told me about it. I was kept overnight, diagnosed with a mild, complicated concussion, and the CT results showed no brain damage. Thank goodness! The week afterward was a blur: a lot of sleeping, Jordan bathing me a couple of times like I was a chicken in a big bowl of soup, and I had terrible sensitivity to light and noise. I was the least stressed I'd been since planning the wedding however. I didn't even remember that we were engaged. I recovered quickly, went to the wedding, which was awesome, and then went on honeymoon to Europe. I was fine all summer, maybe taking it a little slower than usual. The doctor cleared me to return to work at the end of August, and I thought everything was grand.
It was not grand. This past school year, was the hardest one of my life. What I had to teach expanded from sec. 1 to 3 English, to sec. 1 to 5 English. In our first week, because I teach in an alternative program, we had to: do student interviews, administer and correct placements exams, coordinate the schedules of 39 students all at different levels of English, Math, and French, oh, and did I mention teach, all at the same time. I was at work from 8 am until 6 or 7 pm everyday and then I'd come home and prep for the next day. It was very stressful. As weeks went by, some things got better, but other things got worse. I was having trouble concentrating. Planning, prepping, learning the new courses I had to teach was taking me longer and longer. Jordan would pressure me to leave work and encourage me not to teach the program I was teaching anymore. He saw the enormous amount of my time I was spending working both at home and at work. I started having trouble sleeping. I would wake up in the middle of the night with fits of anxiety. I would write 'To-Do' lists at 4 am. I thought maybe I was no longer capable of doing my job, that maybe I shouldn't be a teacher anymore. Sometimes the thoughts would be more extreme to the effect of, 'if I can't do my job, I won't have an income. I won't be able to pay my half of our mortgage. We are going to have to sell our condo. I am going to be homeless'. I started to not want to get out of bed and go to work. I was drained dealing with the students (whom I love), the phone calls home, the meetings, the prepping, the correcting, the extracurricular activities, etc. I broke down and cried at work in front of a co-worker which I never do.
After a month or two of that, I finally went to my family doctor said something was wrong. I suggested that perhaps it was concussion related. She gave me a website that helps people deal with anxiety and she suggested I see a psychiatrist. I waited six to eight weeks to be evaluated by a CLSC worker, who said I seemed fine to her. She told me that I would get a call to see a psychiatrist at The Douglas in a few weeks. She also told me to respond quickly to the call or else the whole referral process would have to be gone through again. The idea of going to The Douglas freaked the shit out of me. I know there shouldn't be a stigma with mental health issues, but man, did I ever NOT want to go to the Douglas. I waited for the call which came maybe four weeks later. By that point, it was December. I was sleeping well, had a better handle on work, and was looking forward to going to New Orleans for New Year's. I didn't call back.
After Christmas/New Year's vacation, life was pretty good. I had so much less anxiety and was back to loving life. In the beginning of March, things were at the peak of greatness. The students were pretty used to the school routine, many of them were flourishing, and I had a good, if not great, relationship with everybody. I was looking forward to going to Cuba for March Break, and all my personal relationships were stellar. Being in Cuba did wonders. I didn't think I could feel more excited about life and work than I did. Then it happened.
On the way home from Cuba, Jordan and I, and another couple, got into a car accident. I was in the backseat sleeping on the driver's side. I remember being in a odd state between sleep and wakefulness and feeling like I was on a ride at La Ronde. Rather than fight it, I went with it because you are supposed to go limp in a car accident rather than tense up. I opened my eyes to being on this weird angle, hanging by my seat belt. None of us had any visible signs of damage. We climbed out of the car and I called CAA. Long story short, my car was totaled, so we rented a car and drove back to Montreal.
Yes, we probably should have called an ambulance rather than CAA, but it wasn't a popular suggestion and we all thought we were more or less fine.
Jordan and I were sore for a few days after the accident. We went to the clinic the following weekend, just to make sure everything was peachy. I was exhausted. I was also worried because of the previous concussion 9 months prior. We waited 3 hours to see a doctor who evaluated both of us in about 5 minutes. The triage nurse was way more thorough. The doctor also didn't speak to us in English. I was surprised because we went to a clinic in Montreal West, a predominantly English community. The doctor said we were both fine and prescribed us both Naproxen for the back pain. When I told him I had had a head ache for three days in a row and a previous concussion, he asked if I had a head ache at that moment. I said, "no," and he said I was fine. I also asked him about Zika (since we were down South and I threw up at a Tim Horton's before the car accident), and he said he had no idea about Zika because he mostly treats the elderly. He told me to see my family doctor.
I called my family doctor to make an appointment: 1. because I didn't trust that guy, and 2. well mostly it's just number 1. My family doctor was, and still is, on mat leave. So, I had to wait about a month to get an appointment. Work became hard again. I was angry at everything and almost everyone. One time I almost really snapped at my boss, and I was struggling to not snap at my students. I told them all about the accident and concussion symptoms because, as time went on, I was pretty sure I had a concussion. I had a headache every day and I had to take naps when I got home from work because I was so exhausted. Every week got worse. I realized it was really bad when I almost burst into tears one day in the classroom. I've never cried in front of students, and I don't plan on ever doing it. I called my family doctor to see if there was any way that they could bump up my appointment.
The accident happened on March 10, and I saw my family doctor's sister on April 10. She said I had a concussion and told me to take two weeks off work and to come back and see her. Unfortunately, she was away two weeks later, so I saw her father. He said it's definitely a concussion and that I was on the bad end of a bell curve in terms of recovery. He said it could take 2 weeks to 6 months to get better. I couldn't believe it. When I asked what I could do, he said to avoid screens and to wait it out, that there was nothing I could really do. I started waiting. I also started to lose my mind. I felt bad for leaving my students. I felt angry to be at home all fucked up, without a car, and with a second concussion. I missed out on a good friend's bachelorette in Vegas (which I already had a plane ticket for) and a work conference in Nashville. I felt like everyone was moving forward and I was being left behind and there was nothing I could do about it. I was dealing with SAAQ insurance, work insurance, and car insurance. Everything gave me a headache. I was mad all the time. I knew I was being unreasonable too. I sought out alternative treatment.
I began to see an osteopath and then an athletic therapist. My back, neck, and hips were all messed up. The right side of me was higher than the left, from my hips to my first rib. The osteopath I found is great and also works with the Montreal Women's Roller derby League. Her name is Veronique Rondeau, and I see her at Om West in Pointe-Claire; I highly recommend her. I found my athletic therapist from a clinic that referred me (based on a very thoughtful recommendation of a friend), and also based on the referral of another family friend who works at Loyola High School. It is where they recommend that their students with concussions go. The clinic is called Cappino. and the athletic therapist I see is named Samantha Halfyard. She is the best thing that has happened to me in terms of dealing with this concussion. If you or anyone you know has a concussion, seek her out. I saw her and she figured out that my eyes were having trouble converging, so that was a big part of why I was exhausted all the time and getting headaches. So, rather than just waiting in the dark, she began to give me exercises I could do to work on it. You know, I saw a total of 5 doctors in Montreal since the first concussion, and she is the first one who tested and told me about my eyes and how they were not working together properly. She also suspected that I didn't heal completely from the first concussion, so that's why this one was so much worse. That was extremely validating to hear, you can't even imagine. No wonder I had such a tough freaking year. She also made me feel normal and completely understood everything I was going through, including how no one else really gets it. I am still seeing her and making progress. I've been off of work since April 10.
I've since seen my family doctor's uncle as well. They are all at a family-run, family medicine clinic on Sherbrooke in N.D.G. Each time I return there for a follow up, I have to explain who I am and the whole concussion story over again. Last time I went, I was having a really bad day and just felt super lethargic and defeated. I told the doctor, the father this time, about all the exercises I am doing and all the symptoms I'm still having and how it's hard to be in a room with more than a handful of people. I also told him that my vestibular system is not working properly yet, which means I have trouble focusing and moving quickly without feeling nauseated. He then told me that I'd come back in two weeks, and since he'd be away I'd see the uncle again. He then said that after that, I'd go back to work. I wanted to scream, but I had no energy to do so. I said thanks, made my appointment and left. It was as if he didn't hear I word I said. How can I go back to teaching when I still have noise and light sensitivity, headaches, can't concentrate to read, and have trouble being in a room talking with more than 4 people? Luckily I see my athletic therapist and a new occupational therapist at Cappino on Monday afternoon. Samantha said that they will write me two reports which I can present to my doctor with my progress and their recommendations.
This whole process has been incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. Doing things with a concussion is like doing things with half your brain missing. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. You just are not functioning at a normal level, and everything is harder. Thankfully I am getting better. I am looking forward to being able to go back to work, but not before I am fully well.
There have been some positives to this whole experience I also have to say. When you take the time to slow down, you really notice a lot of things that you otherwise miss. I got to watch spring unfold this year on my daily walks. I got to spend more time with my granny and my aunt than I usually get to. I've picked up indoor gardening and I've meditated almost every single day in some way. I've done a lot of self reflection and focused on many things I don't usually have time or energy for. Oh, and I also wrote our wedding thank you cards. :)
I should also mention that this whole concussion has put a lot of strain on my relationship with Jordan. We have been having a lot of ups and downs. He wants me to be better, I want him to be more caring and patient. I was really irritable for a good while. He is caring in ways that I sometimes don't notice. We've argued and fought more than we ever have in the six years we've been together. I hate it and I hope that the worst of it is over. In sickness and in health, right?
I would like to end this post with a word on our health care system. What the hell? You know if I didn't have the knowledge/education/money to follow up above and beyond the family doctors, where would I be? No athletic therapist, no osteopath. I sought out and I pay both of them. My work insurance covers $30 out of the $90 for osteo and the SAAQ will cover the occupational therapist, but not the athletic one. It$85 an hour for the athletic therapist and it was $100 and something for my first session. How can people who are less fortunate afford any of that? I am getting paid at 75% of my salary because I'm on sick leave. The SAAQ is supposed to make up an extra 15% of that, but they haven't yet. Plus, sometimes I have to take ubers because no one is available to drive me. I don't have a car yet because I am nervous about having to read and sign all the legal contracts and because I'm not supposed to be driving on the highway until my eyes and vestibular system are good to go. Public transit with all the people and starts and stops will either give me a serious headache or make me throw up from motion sickness. I have money in my savings, and that's what I'm using. What if I didn't? What about all the people and families who don't? Who advocates and cares for them?
This is going to get political now for a second, so if that bothers you, look away. Our government run medical system sucks. It's disjointed, underfunded, and understaffed. The private medical system is great. It fast, efficient, and welcoming. That's a huge problem and an injustice. People should be guaranteed excellent health care and education whether they are rich or poor. I think the private system needs to be dismantled and the government public system needs to be run properly. Most people with good work insurance or a lot of money will use the private system and therefore not do a thing about the shitty public one. It will just continue to worsen while those who are more well off continue to receive better care. I really don't think it's right. Money should be able to buy you things, but quality (and prompt) health care and education should be basic human rights for all.
It was not grand. This past school year, was the hardest one of my life. What I had to teach expanded from sec. 1 to 3 English, to sec. 1 to 5 English. In our first week, because I teach in an alternative program, we had to: do student interviews, administer and correct placements exams, coordinate the schedules of 39 students all at different levels of English, Math, and French, oh, and did I mention teach, all at the same time. I was at work from 8 am until 6 or 7 pm everyday and then I'd come home and prep for the next day. It was very stressful. As weeks went by, some things got better, but other things got worse. I was having trouble concentrating. Planning, prepping, learning the new courses I had to teach was taking me longer and longer. Jordan would pressure me to leave work and encourage me not to teach the program I was teaching anymore. He saw the enormous amount of my time I was spending working both at home and at work. I started having trouble sleeping. I would wake up in the middle of the night with fits of anxiety. I would write 'To-Do' lists at 4 am. I thought maybe I was no longer capable of doing my job, that maybe I shouldn't be a teacher anymore. Sometimes the thoughts would be more extreme to the effect of, 'if I can't do my job, I won't have an income. I won't be able to pay my half of our mortgage. We are going to have to sell our condo. I am going to be homeless'. I started to not want to get out of bed and go to work. I was drained dealing with the students (whom I love), the phone calls home, the meetings, the prepping, the correcting, the extracurricular activities, etc. I broke down and cried at work in front of a co-worker which I never do.
After a month or two of that, I finally went to my family doctor said something was wrong. I suggested that perhaps it was concussion related. She gave me a website that helps people deal with anxiety and she suggested I see a psychiatrist. I waited six to eight weeks to be evaluated by a CLSC worker, who said I seemed fine to her. She told me that I would get a call to see a psychiatrist at The Douglas in a few weeks. She also told me to respond quickly to the call or else the whole referral process would have to be gone through again. The idea of going to The Douglas freaked the shit out of me. I know there shouldn't be a stigma with mental health issues, but man, did I ever NOT want to go to the Douglas. I waited for the call which came maybe four weeks later. By that point, it was December. I was sleeping well, had a better handle on work, and was looking forward to going to New Orleans for New Year's. I didn't call back.
After Christmas/New Year's vacation, life was pretty good. I had so much less anxiety and was back to loving life. In the beginning of March, things were at the peak of greatness. The students were pretty used to the school routine, many of them were flourishing, and I had a good, if not great, relationship with everybody. I was looking forward to going to Cuba for March Break, and all my personal relationships were stellar. Being in Cuba did wonders. I didn't think I could feel more excited about life and work than I did. Then it happened.
On the way home from Cuba, Jordan and I, and another couple, got into a car accident. I was in the backseat sleeping on the driver's side. I remember being in a odd state between sleep and wakefulness and feeling like I was on a ride at La Ronde. Rather than fight it, I went with it because you are supposed to go limp in a car accident rather than tense up. I opened my eyes to being on this weird angle, hanging by my seat belt. None of us had any visible signs of damage. We climbed out of the car and I called CAA. Long story short, my car was totaled, so we rented a car and drove back to Montreal.
Yes, we probably should have called an ambulance rather than CAA, but it wasn't a popular suggestion and we all thought we were more or less fine.
Jordan and I were sore for a few days after the accident. We went to the clinic the following weekend, just to make sure everything was peachy. I was exhausted. I was also worried because of the previous concussion 9 months prior. We waited 3 hours to see a doctor who evaluated both of us in about 5 minutes. The triage nurse was way more thorough. The doctor also didn't speak to us in English. I was surprised because we went to a clinic in Montreal West, a predominantly English community. The doctor said we were both fine and prescribed us both Naproxen for the back pain. When I told him I had had a head ache for three days in a row and a previous concussion, he asked if I had a head ache at that moment. I said, "no," and he said I was fine. I also asked him about Zika (since we were down South and I threw up at a Tim Horton's before the car accident), and he said he had no idea about Zika because he mostly treats the elderly. He told me to see my family doctor.
I called my family doctor to make an appointment: 1. because I didn't trust that guy, and 2. well mostly it's just number 1. My family doctor was, and still is, on mat leave. So, I had to wait about a month to get an appointment. Work became hard again. I was angry at everything and almost everyone. One time I almost really snapped at my boss, and I was struggling to not snap at my students. I told them all about the accident and concussion symptoms because, as time went on, I was pretty sure I had a concussion. I had a headache every day and I had to take naps when I got home from work because I was so exhausted. Every week got worse. I realized it was really bad when I almost burst into tears one day in the classroom. I've never cried in front of students, and I don't plan on ever doing it. I called my family doctor to see if there was any way that they could bump up my appointment.
The accident happened on March 10, and I saw my family doctor's sister on April 10. She said I had a concussion and told me to take two weeks off work and to come back and see her. Unfortunately, she was away two weeks later, so I saw her father. He said it's definitely a concussion and that I was on the bad end of a bell curve in terms of recovery. He said it could take 2 weeks to 6 months to get better. I couldn't believe it. When I asked what I could do, he said to avoid screens and to wait it out, that there was nothing I could really do. I started waiting. I also started to lose my mind. I felt bad for leaving my students. I felt angry to be at home all fucked up, without a car, and with a second concussion. I missed out on a good friend's bachelorette in Vegas (which I already had a plane ticket for) and a work conference in Nashville. I felt like everyone was moving forward and I was being left behind and there was nothing I could do about it. I was dealing with SAAQ insurance, work insurance, and car insurance. Everything gave me a headache. I was mad all the time. I knew I was being unreasonable too. I sought out alternative treatment.
I began to see an osteopath and then an athletic therapist. My back, neck, and hips were all messed up. The right side of me was higher than the left, from my hips to my first rib. The osteopath I found is great and also works with the Montreal Women's Roller derby League. Her name is Veronique Rondeau, and I see her at Om West in Pointe-Claire; I highly recommend her. I found my athletic therapist from a clinic that referred me (based on a very thoughtful recommendation of a friend), and also based on the referral of another family friend who works at Loyola High School. It is where they recommend that their students with concussions go. The clinic is called Cappino. and the athletic therapist I see is named Samantha Halfyard. She is the best thing that has happened to me in terms of dealing with this concussion. If you or anyone you know has a concussion, seek her out. I saw her and she figured out that my eyes were having trouble converging, so that was a big part of why I was exhausted all the time and getting headaches. So, rather than just waiting in the dark, she began to give me exercises I could do to work on it. You know, I saw a total of 5 doctors in Montreal since the first concussion, and she is the first one who tested and told me about my eyes and how they were not working together properly. She also suspected that I didn't heal completely from the first concussion, so that's why this one was so much worse. That was extremely validating to hear, you can't even imagine. No wonder I had such a tough freaking year. She also made me feel normal and completely understood everything I was going through, including how no one else really gets it. I am still seeing her and making progress. I've been off of work since April 10.
I've since seen my family doctor's uncle as well. They are all at a family-run, family medicine clinic on Sherbrooke in N.D.G. Each time I return there for a follow up, I have to explain who I am and the whole concussion story over again. Last time I went, I was having a really bad day and just felt super lethargic and defeated. I told the doctor, the father this time, about all the exercises I am doing and all the symptoms I'm still having and how it's hard to be in a room with more than a handful of people. I also told him that my vestibular system is not working properly yet, which means I have trouble focusing and moving quickly without feeling nauseated. He then told me that I'd come back in two weeks, and since he'd be away I'd see the uncle again. He then said that after that, I'd go back to work. I wanted to scream, but I had no energy to do so. I said thanks, made my appointment and left. It was as if he didn't hear I word I said. How can I go back to teaching when I still have noise and light sensitivity, headaches, can't concentrate to read, and have trouble being in a room talking with more than 4 people? Luckily I see my athletic therapist and a new occupational therapist at Cappino on Monday afternoon. Samantha said that they will write me two reports which I can present to my doctor with my progress and their recommendations.
This whole process has been incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. Doing things with a concussion is like doing things with half your brain missing. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. You just are not functioning at a normal level, and everything is harder. Thankfully I am getting better. I am looking forward to being able to go back to work, but not before I am fully well.
There have been some positives to this whole experience I also have to say. When you take the time to slow down, you really notice a lot of things that you otherwise miss. I got to watch spring unfold this year on my daily walks. I got to spend more time with my granny and my aunt than I usually get to. I've picked up indoor gardening and I've meditated almost every single day in some way. I've done a lot of self reflection and focused on many things I don't usually have time or energy for. Oh, and I also wrote our wedding thank you cards. :)
I should also mention that this whole concussion has put a lot of strain on my relationship with Jordan. We have been having a lot of ups and downs. He wants me to be better, I want him to be more caring and patient. I was really irritable for a good while. He is caring in ways that I sometimes don't notice. We've argued and fought more than we ever have in the six years we've been together. I hate it and I hope that the worst of it is over. In sickness and in health, right?
I would like to end this post with a word on our health care system. What the hell? You know if I didn't have the knowledge/education/money to follow up above and beyond the family doctors, where would I be? No athletic therapist, no osteopath. I sought out and I pay both of them. My work insurance covers $30 out of the $90 for osteo and the SAAQ will cover the occupational therapist, but not the athletic one. It$85 an hour for the athletic therapist and it was $100 and something for my first session. How can people who are less fortunate afford any of that? I am getting paid at 75% of my salary because I'm on sick leave. The SAAQ is supposed to make up an extra 15% of that, but they haven't yet. Plus, sometimes I have to take ubers because no one is available to drive me. I don't have a car yet because I am nervous about having to read and sign all the legal contracts and because I'm not supposed to be driving on the highway until my eyes and vestibular system are good to go. Public transit with all the people and starts and stops will either give me a serious headache or make me throw up from motion sickness. I have money in my savings, and that's what I'm using. What if I didn't? What about all the people and families who don't? Who advocates and cares for them?
This is going to get political now for a second, so if that bothers you, look away. Our government run medical system sucks. It's disjointed, underfunded, and understaffed. The private medical system is great. It fast, efficient, and welcoming. That's a huge problem and an injustice. People should be guaranteed excellent health care and education whether they are rich or poor. I think the private system needs to be dismantled and the government public system needs to be run properly. Most people with good work insurance or a lot of money will use the private system and therefore not do a thing about the shitty public one. It will just continue to worsen while those who are more well off continue to receive better care. I really don't think it's right. Money should be able to buy you things, but quality (and prompt) health care and education should be basic human rights for all.
Comments
Our need system needs to change. Good on you for taking the time you need to heal. Anxiety is debilitating.. it is horrible. I understand the irritability you had. It is frustrating to not feel like yourself....to want that old self back..Anxiety takes over your whole body.I am to a point where I wonder am I really sick or is it my anxiety... Today's life is making us all anxious and depressed. We work so much , want so much, try to balance family, relationships, ourselves . Its hard. Once your have anxiety you must learn to recognize it. You must be your own healer.. I have been to psychologists , drs etc. I got prescribed pills which I'm afraid to take as I heard they make you feel more lethargic. I have anxiety about anxiety meds ..lol...I'm afraid to have anxiety...I wonder are my symptoms anxiety or is something wrong... you Good onfor speaking your truth. Its hard as many do not understand that you are not yourself at times...that you are doing your best..that you need support and comfort and understanding... I wish you great healing and peace and inner happiness. You are on that path. Keep the positive thoughts and lifestyle. Think of you more ..be selfish and do what's best for you . You will get through this if not learn to manage it. You are not alone. ❤️
I'm glad to hear you're on the mend though. Teaching is draining on the brain enough.. doing it with a concussion must take superhero powers!
The Canadian health care system needs help. I wonder what the middle east and Germany do to have such better systems.
Thanks for replying and sharing. Being an active player in our own healing is super important.
I feel you on the pills. I don't like the idea of taking pills either. I'd try everything I could before, but if it didn't work, I'd try em. At least that's if I felt like I did before. I don't ever want to feel that way again. It helped me cultivate understanding for anyone who has ever suffered from any form of mental illness.
Xo
I wish the best for you too, many more good days than bad.